Ninja Facts

[Dan Den]

Figured I'd post this from the little demonstration given by TCL. Here

Ninja Facts

Ninja are amazing creatures, although very hard to study. Over the last several centuries, the following things have carefully researched about ninja:

“And then God said, "Here you go Earth, Have some ninja.”

~ The Bible on ninja

Ninja do NOT condone any of these facts to be true. To acknowledge these facts would mean ninja exist, and they, like dragons,

fairies, and Abraham Lincoln, have never been seen.

1. The five Ninja food groups are:

1. Eggroll

2. Cookie

3. Ramen

4. VENGEANCE

5. and death

2. Ninja are mammary organisms.

3. Ninja fight ALL the time. [1]

4. Ninja like to keep kittens purring by rubbing their cute little bellies. See the Proof! If you see a kitten purring for no reason,

there is undoubtedly an unseen ninja rubbing its belly.

5. All ninja can wail on an electric guitar. However, they generally choose not to, as this tends to alert people to their presence.

6. Naruto is not, nor never will be anything that imitates or resembles a ninja

7. Ninja and pirates do NOT get along.

9. High-level Ninja can kill people just by staring hard at the back of their heads. Therefore, it's a really bad idea to sit in front of

a ninja at the movies and block his view.

10. Ninja are incredibly flexible. Like a ferret, or an octopus, a Ninja can escape through any hole he can see through.

11. Ninja can change color to blend in with their surroundings.

12. Ninja harness the awesome power of the Weekend proof in battles with pirates.

13. Ninja do not watch television. Ever! But, they may make television.

14. Ninja are professionalized in the ancient art of 7.

15. Ninja do not vote. It's not that they don't care about civic responsibility, they just don't think there is any real difference

between political parties. They would rather spend their time killing politicians than voting for them. Then again, wouldn't we all?

16. Ninja have the amazing ability to dislocate their jaws in order to swallow large prey.

17. Many Ninja have apparently turned to running fast food franchises, due to a general downturn in the "leaping out of the

shadows and killing people" sector of the economy.

18. A ninja's primary way of fighting is to hide in the shadows and watch other people fight. Then, when the underdog is almost

dead, the Ninja leaps out and kills him, thus gaining all the combat experience without all that messy combat. If a Ninja isn't

quick enough to deliver the killing blow, he will probably still be quick enough to loot the corpse before the actual victor, and

profit in this way instead.

19. When the need to break the silence and startle their enemy or unpaying pizza-delivery customers arises, the ninja cry of

"Woh Chau" often bursts from their lips. Though several dialects of innate Ninja speak exist, this is by far the most popular.

20. If a Ninja emerges from hiding and sees his shadow, there will be six more weeks of winter.

21. High-level Ninja can reproduce asexually, like amoebas. If you cut a Ninja in half, each half will grow into a new Ninja.

22. A ninja can own anything in skee-ball.

23. The body of a Ninja is a deadly weapon, so Homeland Security has banned ninja from all domestic and international flights.

For this reason, you'll see a lot of ninja if you take Greyhound. Or rather, you won't, if you know what I mean. But they're there.

24. To control their numbers, Wisconsin Fish and Game recently introduced a Ninja hunting season. The bag limit during Ninja

season is two Ninja (or headbands) per person, per day. But since then, the hunter population has dropped from 82,373 to 0

without any known Ninja deaths.

25. Whereas normal Japanese penii are 2 inches, the Ninja are 2 and a half inches. When exposed to water and sunlight,

however, they expand an inch per day until they've grown to their full length of four feet. This is why some people believe ninja

have tails.

26. If you can see a ninja, he is not a ninja.

27. If you can't see a ninja you're probably going to die very quickly.

28. Ninja are not ninja if they do not wear their super-cool ninja suits.

29. Ninja can live in your house for months without you noticing.

31. Ninja have sweet yo-yo skills.

32. Ninja cannot ride bicycles. Instead, they ride diecycles.

33. Ninja usually appear in the thousands.

34. Over half of all Ninja are from the Detroit area.

36. Ninja are able to kill people without knowing where they are.

37. Ninja can kill people with all sort of things, including forks, gnomes and music. (Bjork is not a ninja, this has been proven by

scientists.)

40. Ninja don't kill people when they eat, but they CAN take a break from eating

42. Despite what you've learned as a kid, if someone stole a cookie from the cookie jar, it was a ninja.

44. Evil ninja can only attack one or two at a time. Good Ninja do not obey this rule because they can kick so much evil ninja

ass, they don't need to.

45. If a Ninja fell in a forest, it wouldn't make a sound.

46. Ninja can run at the speed of any thing it sees.

47. Ninja are the coolest thing on the planet including The Hoff.

48. If you Google "ninja", you will not get any results, but a ninja will jump out of your computer and kill you.

49. If you try to make a ninja like you, it will only kill you faster.

50. If you try to make a ninja dislike you, it will give you a cookie, and then kill you faster.

51. There is an average of 32 ninja in every room.

52. Ninja train twenty nine hours a day from the age of three.

53. Ninja can also manipulate time.

54. Ninja don't like getting struck by lightning. But they can dance!

55. Ninja don't sweat.

56. Bullets can't kill ninja.

57. Ninja invented skateboarding.

58. Ninja can breathe under water anytime they want.

59. Ninja always land on their feet.

60. Ninja can crush golf balls with any two of their fingers.

61. Ninja can remove a spleen in one swift motion.

62. Ninja can remove their shadow if needed.

63. Ninja can hover for hours.

64. Ninja swords are always straight with a square handle guard. Always. Curves are for girls.

65. Jackie Chan is not a ninja.You think he's a ninja, therefore, he's not.

67. God is a ninja.

68. How do ninja raise their children? From the dead.

69. You are not a ninja.

70. Playing Ninja Gaiden doesn't make you a ninja.

72. Ninja hate Carrottop.

Edited October 7, 2012 by Emotional Outlet

[Avith]

Nin-ja. How can you kill what was never there to begin with? You can't. That's why the ninja are pretty much unkillable. Killing a nin-ja is like trying to fight your own shadow; It will elude you everytime. Oh yeah, and that shadow has vast discipline of deadly techniques and weapons and escape methods.

[lemmingllama]

Nin-ja. How can you kill what was never there to begin with? You can't. That's why the ninja are pretty much unkillable. Killing a nin-ja is like trying to fight your own shadow; It will elude you everytime. Oh yeah, and that shadow has vast discipline of deadly techniques and weapons and escape methods.

Bad analogy. You can see a shadow. You never see ninjas. And ninjas are unkillable since they can fight away grim reapers

[Avith]

Bad analogy. You can see a shadow. You never see ninjas. And ninjas are unkillable since they can fight away grim reapers

Both are similar in their elusiveness(hope I spelled that right) and if you actually attempted to foolishly fight one is what I was trying to refer to not their stealth. Their stealth is something that is ... uncompariable to anything.

And actually you COULD see them. It is "possible". They just perfer that you didn't. You so you most likely won't ever.

[Dan Den]

And actually you COULD see them. It is "possible". They just prefer that you didn't. You so you most likely won't ever.

Actually it is impossible to see a ninja, cause the moment you see one you can automatically consider yourself dead. In fact you never even see a ninja when they kill you, you only notice after a few moments that your dead, that is how good they are.

And it is not that they don't want you to see them, it is just they are too fast. In fact they can't even see there own reflection in the mirror, that is just how fast they are.