Certain age for marriage?

[xNoName]

Yeah, wedlock. The minimum age, here in India, is set 18 years for women and 21 years for men, to get married. Before that, it's illegal. I've always wondered why the coerce is even needed. Premature marriage, without thinking closely, is mostly the reason why people get divorced in most cases. There's also the case when people get married intentionally without even knowing their partners completely. I've seen 20 year-old lovebirds wanting to get married who don't even know each other for more than 5 months. Geez, what's the rush about? Why on Earth would you want to get married when you're only in College? Why the hell would anyone younger than 25 want to get tied down so early? I guess I'd understand if the woman's pregnant or something, but C'mon. You should at least get to know each other before getting yourself into it. For Christ's sake, there are so many people to meet and so many things to experience!

In my opinion, people should at least try to live together before getting themselves into wedlock. Get to know each other more, get to learn about your good and bad points, etc. and then think about it. What do you – people of Kametsu – think over the matter?

[silence_lamb]

first you should consider, if you're financially stable. so i assume the you're in 30+ to get married

[BlackDahlia]

My friend recently told me that he is going to propose to his girlfriend this winter. First thing I said: "Whyyyy?!?! You barely know her.." but he insists that living with her for a year is basically the same as dating someone for a few years, which it isn't. Dating someone for a few years is literally what would be considered as dating someone for a few years. That I agree with. In my opinion, you can't just skip the living separately phase of a relationship. Then he tells me he doesn't want to get married yet but is still going to propose to her and I'm just thinking "Then why propose to her now?! Whyyy?!?! Please, help me understand what's going on in your head." I just think it's dumb.

Me personally, I think getting married around 25-27 years old sounds good. By then I will hopefully have a well paying stable job and be saving up for a house. And I sure as hell won't get married unless I have known the girl for a few years. I'm still young, marriage can wait half a decade.. or more. I'm in no hurry.

[Catwoman]

I've been dating my boyfriend since I was 13/14. And I'm marring him in a year or two.

So I voted for below 25. I know him well enough and he would be 18/19 by that time.

We've lived together, apart and so on.

Also, if you can die for your country then you can marry who you want.

Both are life changing choices and if you aren't mature enough to

logically think it over at age 18 then... you must be an idiot. ¬_¬

's all I have to say on the subject.

[Max465]

I don't think it's a matter of age. I think it's a matter of two things. You're emotionally ready for it; your relationship has gotten to the point where you're ready for that big change, and you're financially ready for it. Usually, not always getting married related to having a family, kids, home, etc. and these things are expensive. If you can't afford to marry then don't.

[Kyonkicchi]

The idea that marriage should be linked to a certain chronological age is, in my opinion, a bit off. Age and maturity are very different things, and it is maturity that affects our social interactions more heavily, so I would say that maturity should be the qualifier, rather than age. But that begs the question, "how does one measure maturity?" and eventually falls into a jumbled mess of poor and circular reason in attempting to measure an abstract concept.

In the end, we can only set an arbitrary age limit (in my opinion, 21) and hope that a person's maturity has kept up with their years.

[seirachan]

I don't think it's a matter of age. I think it's a matter of two things. You're emotionally ready for it; your relationship has gotten to the point where you're ready for that big change, and you're financially ready for it. Usually, not always getting married related to having a family, kids, home, etc. and these things are expensive. If you can't afford to marry then don't.

This is pretty much true however most people get this way when they are 25-35. But there are still some immature people even at that age. aka My brother :/ He just lost his common law wife a few months ago cause he is an idiot and now hes living the bachelor life! yuck.

[Libitinarius]

In my opinion, age is definitely a factor in a lasting marriage. Physically, men don't fully finish developing until after they are 21, whereas women are finished maturing as early as age 16. Age also brings wisdom, someone is more likely to know who they are at this point (be set in their ways). I chose 25-35, but only because there was no 30 + option. Financial stress is the leading cause for divorce in the US, and most people change careers at least 6 times in their lifetime. People who are age 30 + are usually established in a career/trade and have financial stability (due to work experience and hard life lessons).

[† Mute point]

I choose none of those options... Because I believe that if you're going to get married, it shouldn't have anything to do with a hard number... Other than whatever one makes you a legal adult in whatever society you're in at the time.

If I were asked if someone was ready for marriage, I would ask them if they thought they were ready, because what I think as an outsider is less important than what the people on the inside of the relationship think. Not only that, but if you say "No, you're not ready" that makes them want to rush out and prove you wrong. While if you make them think about it, even if they do still get married, they'll be more prepared for it.

[Bluenoser]

I choose none of those options... Because I believe that if you're going to get married, it shouldn't have anything to do with a hard number... Other than whatever one makes you a legal adult in whatever society you're in at the time.

If I were asked if someone was ready for marriage, I would ask them if they thought they were ready, because what I think as an outsider is less important than what the people on the inside of the relationship think. Not only that, but if you say "No, you're not ready" that makes them want to rush out and prove you wrong. While if you make them think about it, even if they do still get married, they'll be more prepared for it.

I'm with you on this one, and it is the same reason why I chose not to respond to this poll. For example I got into my first marriage when I was 36, while my wife's first marriage started when she was 22, and we have been happily married now for over 8 years with a relationship that had been solid for 6 years prior to the marriage for a total time of 14 years together so far with no signs of it coming apart at all (much to my own amazement at times I freely admit). I have seen marriages that were created by the couple while still in their teens last for decades and marriages by those in the 25-35 range that don't survive, I really don't think you can decide there is a physical age which makes for good criteria (aside from societal legal age , and that only for the associated rights that come with becoming a legal adult making a marriage far easier to work more than anything else), it really comes down to not even so much the maturity of those involved but the inherent compatibility of those involved to decide whether a marriage will be successful or not long term. At least that is what my lifetime of observation has shown me to be reality on this point, I expected to be a confirmed bachelor by the time I met my wife because of my own personality quirks making me a hard person to spend time with in the long term, but she finds it no trouble at all, while she had the same feeling (for reasons of her own which are at least as significant/compelling as my own but I am not going to discuss here) about anyone being able to be around her on the near constant basis a marriage tends to require. Well we both got a very strong shock after we met on that score, and things ended up going the way they did and we are both extremely happy with it, each other, and ourselves. Who could ask for more in a marriage than that?

Age gets too much emphasis placed on it for when to marry IMHO, and without enough reason aside from artificial reasons which to my mind to more to hide the real determinative factors than to illuminate them, but that is after all one man's opinion, not scientific fact. I don't make that mistake unlike too many others in the modern world, that what one believes to be true via one's opinion is inherently truth/reality also, a sloppy form of thinking which has taken increased hold I find as the world becomes a much more diverse reality which is too hard to ignore completely no matter how one tries thanks primarily to the information technology revolution of the post WWII years and especially once the WWW came into being as the medium which allowed the convergence of TV, Telephone, and information tech already ongoing to be accelerated thanks to that GUI interface system becoming the nervous system for it to all be transmitted together. Mind you that is another topic for discussion for another time/thread...

[Libitinarius]

I choose none of those options... Because I believe that if you're going to get married, it shouldn't have anything to do with a hard number... Other than whatever one makes you a legal adult in whatever society you're in at the time.

If I were asked if someone was ready for marriage, I would ask them if they thought they were ready, because what I think as an outsider is less important than what the people on the inside of the relationship think. Not only that, but if you say "No, you're not ready" that makes them want to rush out and prove you wrong. While if you make them think about it, even if they do still get married, they'll be more prepared for it.

You make some interesting points in your dismissal of age being a factor. However, a future plan does take on the form of a hard number via money. Money makes the world go round, it is unfortunate, but too often love takes a back seat to survival. Additionally, in order to promote a long lasting marriage you will need things in life like a house, a car, a retirement plan, insurance life/house/renters, and good career to support each others life long dreams/goals.

[Malyssa Rahl]

Age isn't relevant beyond the age of majority. Or perhaps it should be the age of consent. If you can legally decide to have sex, you should be legally able to decide to get married. However, since it is so low in some countries, it's better to go with the legal adult age. Which is sometimes the same.

I do think that couples should live together a minimum of six months, and talk about things that might make the other person angry so that they are able to judge more accurately if they are going to be able to live with that person.

At least one person should be financially stable, but that's a common sense thing. If you can't afford to eat, you shouldn't be spending money on a wedding.

[† Anras Rune]

I personally dont like the idea of marrying young. I knew a few that have done so and ended up divorced due to the slightest things. Imo marriage in whatever form has nothing to do with age directly, but indirectly age is a huge contributing factor. Maturity is what counts, and that normally comes with age. But obviously there are a few who dont mature as fast...

Me? I certainly wont get married until im at least over 25, and even then I doubt I will. There is too much external factors nowadays that influence marriage in any form, such as media, money, stress (be it from work or the marriage) and of course unstability. As noato pointed out they leading factor in most divorces is financial stress, which has tripled the divorce rate worldwide in recent years. So why get married in this climate?

[Malyssa Rahl]

And that's why you marry for love, not money.

[Esalena]

In my opinion I think there are a lot of people out there that get married way to soon and I don't mean age wise but from how long they've known each other. I'm iffy about marriage to begin with since my mom's on her third marriage (which sucks) and my older brother proposed to his girlfriend after a year. It took them another year to get married but they didn't start living together till after the two weddings. I strongly believe people should be living together before they even consider marriage cause you won't know their true colors till then. Sure finance and maturity play key roles but there are always the exceptions, just depends on the people involved. Oh and on the living together note, hopefully they've had some type of sexual relationship with that person 'cause you don't want to get stuck to some one you're not sexually compatibly with, just putting it out there I've heard of a marriage ending because of it.

If I had to put an age on it it would be 24-25+ only because I think there are smart people out there who are stable by that time and hopefully have some kind of grasp of how serious it is. Unless you've had an unexpected event occur, then you have yourself a shotgun wedding.

[aurafalchion]

I like the couple to be of legal adult age then they can do whatever you want

[Tsukumo Yuma]

A say, it doesn't mater a long as your serious about getting married.

My Aunt and Uncle, dated since one was 13 and the other was in there 20's, they got married as soon as they could, and are still married many many years later.

Even if you get married at an older age, that doesn't mean you will have a long lasting marriage, just means your getting married at an old age.

When people in my familly marry at a later time in life, most of the time they haven't worked out.

But for other people it may be different, but as long as you love the person, and are really ready for marriage, what age you are when you get married, doesn't really mater.

[† LimitLess]

18+

 

But seriously, Who the Hell will marry when they're only 13(now). Just dumb, common sense is needed =P

[highland3r]

On 04/10/2011, 14:32:09, xNoName said:

Yeah, wedlock. The minimum age, here in India, is set 18 years for women and 21 years for men, to get married. Before that, it's illegal. I've always wondered why the coerce is even needed. Premature marriage, without thinking closely, is mostly the reason why people get divorced in most cases. There's also the case when people get married intentionally without even knowing their partners completely. I've seen 20 year-old lovebirds wanting to get married who don't even know each other for more than 5 months. Geez, what's the rush about? Why on Earth would you want to get married when you're only in College? Why the hell would anyone younger than 25 want to get tied down so early? I guess I'd understand if the woman's pregnant or something, but C'mon. You should at least get to know each other before getting yourself into it. For Christ's sake, there are so many people to meet and so many things to experience!

 

In my opinion, people should at least try to live together before getting themselves into wedlock. Get to know each other more, get to learn about your good and bad points, etc. and then think about it. What do you – people of Kametsu – think over the matter?

Wow I understand the reasoning behind the age gap, but still disagree with it. I mean what if two 18 year olds are truly in-love.. Sorry girl you still have to wait till you are 21. Maybe it should be 21 for both in that case?

[gumby]

Every situation is different but I personally don't think it's a good idea to jump the gun and explore life a bit more before settling down like that