"What Would......"

[AxelVIII]

To the little boy, who was just kissed on the cheek on the playground by the girl he fancies: What went through your mind at that moment?

 

To the young lady, who hides her tears: How do you feel about your loved one whom you just lost to the next world?

 

To the young man, who puts on a somewhat cheerful mask: How do you feel without your first love? Do you miss her?

 

To the old man, who just crossed to the other side:  What regrets do you have? What do you wish you had said?

Edited March 6, 2014 by AxelVIII

[HeavenlyClassic]

whats this supposed to be?

[Tsukumo Yuma]

I am not sure ether, it is to short for a chapter and to short for a song, even if you say it over and over again.

[lemmingllama]

Axel does a lot of poetry, I would assume this is his latest work. If you look in the Art and Lit board, you can find some of his other work.

[AxelVIII]

Thank you Lemming, you are correct, this is my latest poem. A Freewrite poem, of course. Kinda depressed because almost no one got it.

[lemmingllama]

Thank you Lemming, you are correct, this is my latest poem. A Freewrite poem, of course. Kinda depressed because almost no one got it.

 

Freewrites are sometimes harder to see as specifically poetry. Although they should have thought of it as some kind of literature, this being the Art and Lit board.

 

Also it is pretty good, but I personally think you should have stayed consistent for each line. The last one doesnt start off with a "To" and the second line doesnt have a "who" after the comma. By staying consistent, it might flow a little better.

[AxelVIII]

 

Thank you Lemming, you are correct, this is my latest poem. A Freewrite poem, of course. Kinda depressed because almost no one got it.

 

Freewrites are sometimes harder to see as specifically poetry. Although they should have thought of it as some kind of literature, this being the Art and Lit board.

 

Also it is pretty good, but I personally think you should have stayed consistent for each line. The last one doesnt start off with a "To" and the second line doesnt have a "who" after the comma. By staying consistent, it might flow a little better.

 

 

Thank you for critique Lemming, I have fixed my mistakes.