Greeting and Talking to Strangers

[† Emotional Outlet]

In real life, okay.

When you're walking down the street all jaunty like and some stranger passes you by going the opposite direction, how do you greet them, if at all? What are the conditions for certain types of greetings?

I walk to the library, so I pass by a few strangers in this modern age of driving to the store across the street from your apartment. I find I almost always smile and do a little bow, breaking eye contact--sometimes I just bow my head and sometimes my shoulders get in on that action. I don't know when I picked up this habit, but it's something I've done since forever. If I'm feeling grumpy, I just pass without making eye contact, like a robot!

If it's someone I'm a little more familiar with but don't really consider them more than a passing acquaintance, they get much the same reaction. Sometimes they'll get a little wave if I actually recognise them, haha. I remember doing both my little bow and a wave at the same time and it felt really weird.

I don't often find myself in a position where I'm talking to strangers for extended periods since getting out of the military. People in the library don't usually try to pick up chicks or otherwise try to bother me while I am moving around books, and when I'm there as a customer and not a worker, I have my headphones on--the universal signal that I do not want to speak with anyone unless you are literally offering a million dollars, no strings attached.

How about you guys?

[Malyssa Rahl]

I used to pick up chicks at the library. Best place to meet the shy nerdy ones imo. ^^ (The trick is learning to spot which ones might be interested, and which ones are just there studying.)

I meet strangers every day at work, and am obligated to be obscenely cheerful at all times when doing so.

Outside of work, I mostly keep to myself, but I'll give a passing nod or a wave if they wave first. A polite salute if a driver stops to let me walk across the street on a corner when they don't have to. Little things.

[Dae314]

I come at this from the perspective of someone in the bubble of a very friendly university environment.

The limit of my interaction with utter strangers on a normal walking-to-class basis is opening doors for them if they're within a certain maximum distance behind me. Passing by in opposite directions, I don't even acknowledge the other person's existence. Actually, that's not true, if I'm making a corner turning right, and I run into someone cutting the corner the opposite direction turning left I make sure to glare at them a bit for not observing hallway etiquette.

The only people who I acknowledge in a walking-to-class situation are people I know.

However, that dynamic changes in a classroom. Most of my classes, I don't know anybody in before walking in the door. Consequently, I end up becoming at least acquainted with the people sitting next to me in most classes since I always tend to sit in the same physical location (note: this is not seat, this is x-y coordinates on the classroom floor so absolute position. If no chair is present there I might sometimes move one to where I usually sit). If the people around me do the same thing (most people do), I end up sitting uncomfortably close to them for about 3 hours a week for a few months. This forces interaction over time.

I usually refuse to become acquainted with people unless I absolutely have to. In social situations, I'll stick to a group of people I know, or failing that, I'll stick to the walls or some isolated corner. This is in contrast to what I did with my roommate(s) which was to immediately attempt at breaking the ice and get to know them. This is because living awkwardly with someone and sleeping in the same room with them like that is not acceptable in my world. Thus, only when circumstances force me to become friends do I make friends. I have, on occasion, been known to break this norm though.

The norm is usually only broken when I have something to contribute to the stranger's life which I am reasonably sure will at least benefit them in the short term. For instance, I'll help out someone struggling to carry things, or I'll offer to guide people to where they want to go if they look lost. I've met a few people this way, but usually the association stops at acquaintance level, and I never see them again after the first meeting.

tl;dr

The main way I meet new people is through people I already know well. I don't actively go out and expand my net of acquaintances/friends.

[lolrawr]

Ha. Well my school has over 25,000 students so we always have swarms of people walking everywhere. So that eliminates people being singled out. Now if there was some stranger walking towards me I wouldn't say hi. I've never done that before lol.

When it comes to friends. They always say they see me around campus and either A. try and say hi, or B. say I walk too fast. I'm tall so I guess I kind a do walk to fast lol. I also think about my next plan of action when I'm walking so I don't notice if someone were to call my name behind me (if I was sitting down than that would be a different story).

Now this next part might sound a little creepy but OH WELL!!! If I see someone I know or an acquaintance I'll say hi/wave/something. I'm ok with doing that once, but if I see them like the next day or two days later and the thing happens again I feel extremely awkward. I don't know why. I even sometimes go out of my way to take another route if I know I'll see someone frequently.

Oh and you guys might remember my whole frustration with the opening the door game. This might sound rude (actually this is really rude as I write it out D:) but if someone waits to open the door for me or holds it open more likely than not I won't say thanks. It's not because I dislike the person, I just dislike the game and I don't want to support it. (that's horrible justification!!!)

Now some of you brought up classroom stuff. Well if I'm entering a new classroom I'll usually try to sit next to a girl who seems interesting. Pretty much every class I can tell you why I sat where I sat, and it mostly has to do with a girl. I use this method because the first time I tried it out, it was very successful. Goooood times.

[† Emotional Outlet]

Haha, I try to wave at drivers if I cross the street while they're trying to turn. I just try to avoid the situation entirely by waiting to cross, even if it means walking on the wrong sidewalk for a while until I can cross unhindered. I'll even wave at drivers in the passenger seat if they let us pass.

I don't remember much about school outside of a military context. In high school I had a free period (it came to be because I dropped out of art, ahahahahaha) that I would spend in the cafeteria. I'd play my Gameboy, listen to my MP3 player, or take a nap. Occasionally I'd do homework, but the only time I can remember doing that was to start and finish an essay for a class I had later that day.

There was a group of people who'd hang out in the cafeteria too for whatever reason and at first I didn't really talk to them much. I kept my distance and they rarely bothered me. Eventually I just started melding into the group and it became a thing that I'd hang out with these people during the free period. I'd see a couple of them in my classes, so that helped move things along.

I don't remember anything about seating arrangements. I think we always had assigned seats?? And if we didn't, we made our own assigned seats by always sitting in the same seat regardless?? I don't know. I do remember having a crush on some curly blond on my bus. Never got the courage to talk to him and he probably thought I was a huge nerd like everyone else did when I was in high school. Not that this assessment doesn't continue to hold water to this day.

As far as opening doors for people, I try to be careful about opening doors for young ones. They get really upset if I do stuff like hold the door open while they're six inches away and I'm trying to take a leak and they start throwing a tantrum because they wanted to press the button to make the doors open automatically. The parent usually just shoots me an apologetic look and I shrug and dash to the potty before I piss myself.

Other than that, I don't really have problems with holding the door for people--if they're just getting through the first set of doors, I won't hold the door in the second set open because generally the only time I'm going that way (unless I'm leaving) is to pee and it's usually an emergency, haha.

But yeah, I'm usually pretty reserved. I moved around a lot as a kid, so I never really bothered trying to figure out how to integrate myself into social circles. I'd just end up moving anyway.

[Pinkie Pie]

I'm actually pretty friendly irl. If I see someone while walking, I'll usually give them a little smile, or move out of their way if I happen to be in it. On the bus or at the bus stop, sometimes other people who are also waiting and I will engage in conversation. At specialty shops in the mall, I usually chat a little with some of customers there if we're after the same kind of thing, or to the clerk when I'm checking out if they like the same things I do.

I usually have some kind of fandom indicator on me, such as the little bagcharm MLP ponies that McDonald's had earlier this year, or my magical girl anime phonecharms, and when someone acknowledges them, I always try to talk to them. I've gotten many a high-five from a passing brony that had the same ponies on /his/ bag uw u

[† Shazi]

I often say g'day to random people in the street. I have little chats too somtimes.

I was petting someones cat one day when they were out with them and had a little conversation about how lovable their cat was XD

It's usually older people, like old ladies and stuff. I CAN'T HELP BUT BE POLITE TO OLD PEOPLE! I nod to drivers that let me cross too, as well as thank the bus driver everytime I get off hehe

[† Emotional Outlet]

Oh, I always say thank you to bus drivers too! Especially when I was in school--if it was frustrating at times for me as a passenger, I can't imagine what it's like to be in the driver's seat of that mess. Not to mention that people tend to be horrible about driving around large vehicles like busses and semis. It's like they have no idea what a semi is actually capable of. Yes, those brakes are killer, but when they're carrying a full load, they cannot stop on a dime like a little car!

I have noticed that people around here are a little more free with their comments, and not always in a rude way. I went out one day with Java and I got compliments on my outfit. At the grocery store I got stopped by one of the workers, telling me I was pretty, haha. Which brightened my day a little because I actually didn't wash my hair that day. And then while Java was watching over Gertie on the porch, the people across the way complimented her coat, asking him what we did to keep it so healthy. (She literally just grooms herself all the time, haha.)

[† Shazi]

its polite to say thank you! especially with all the people they have to put up with during they day.

in my old town people were like that, but it was a small town of like... 2000 people. i live in the city now, a city of a heck of a lot more people! but even in my neighbourhood people are friendly, when i am downtown at the big CBD though, people aren't so friendly.

i remember i was waiting for the bus outside of the maccas once and this little old lady asked me when her bus was coming because she "couldn't read the bloody tiny writing" on the "stupid little timetables" they have attatched to the bus stop poles. I had a lovely chat top her about life and everything like that and she sounded proud of me, even though she didn't know me. It really made my day haha

[† Emotional Outlet]

Old people are cool. They just seem more willing to make conversation. Probably because they are Too Old For This Shit .

At the write in tonight, a couple of old people stopped by to ask what we were doing--a fair enough question, considering we filled the cafe in the book store and were all staring intently at our laptops and notebooks, typing and writing furiously. One couple caught us in the middle of a word war, so literally no one stopped to fill them in. They just sat and waited until we finished, making funny little comments. The wife was about to get up and leave, but the husband still sat, telling her that he really wanted to find out what we were doing.

And yeah, it seems like smaller towns seem to be friendlier than larger ones. I didn't have as much luck with the small towns I've lived in (particularly in North Dakota--how insular can you get), but I think they sensed my undying hatred for them. I will say one thing for Texas, people can be really courteous! We were driving to some caves while on TDY for training--we were on this little two way highway, behind a kind of slow truck. The truck then scooted to the shoulder and flashed their lights, letting us pass by. Can't say I've ever seen that anywhere else. And they usually like the military, which is more than be said in general about my home state. Sigh.

[Dark_Angel13]

I don't generally talk to people on the street, I usually have headphones in but usually I get the occasional head nod from other goth in approval. Also been asked at bus stops if I was a vampire like 6 times now haha

[Pinkie Pie]

I also always thank the bus drivers u wu And cashiers too. I dunno, they deal with some serious shit because of the nature of their jobs, so a "have a nice day" and a thank you is probably really appreciated.

[† Emotional Outlet]

Yeah, cashiers get shit on a lot. We went to Wegman's the other day and the lady at the register hadn't had a break in a while and she had a wrist brace. She powered through the checkout best she could, but you could tell she was at the end of her rope. I feel bad for people in food service too--it's not a glamorous job by any stretch. We went to Popeye's the other day and the people in front of us were raising a huge stink about something. We didn't understand and I don't think the people on the other side understood. It's just chicken. u-u

Yesterday I helped one of the library customers locate some Post Secret books for her daughter, but before that she was having problems with the computer. None of the ones at the table she was at was connecting for some reason. Her husband was there being a fussbucket when I asked what the problem was and what they had done so far to troubleshoot. He just grumbled and moved from computer to computer, pulling up Firefox on each of them. So I smiled and led the wife to a working computer so we could look up the books.

Later after I finished up my shift, I headed out about a minute after them, so I saw them loading up their vehicle with their books. Then I noticed they had parked in a handicapped spot and neither of them appeared to have any physical ailments that would necessitate using the spot. I know some people have family members who do have a legit need and they take advantage of that parking permit even when they aren't with that particular family member, so now I think the husband is a butt.

Which is okay because someone complimented my top and all is right in the world.

Here is an article about why you should compliment strangers.

[atreyuavenged]

I don`t talk to people that I happen to walk by. Not that I go out a whole lot. I might hold a door open or something random like that. Just not good at communicating I guess.

Even friends or past acquaintances, I just kinda give them a nod. Where I work, it took me a LONG time to even just talk to my boss. I had to talk to a couple people that I work real closely with, but it`s kinda silly because they don`t speak proper English and I don`t hear well, so I have trouble understanding what there saying.

[NickthePwn3r]

I generally keep high spirits and say hello to people when im in my friendly moods i just hate that akwardness when they just keep walking by, I also hate being the one walking by and thengoing wait what something seems to have just happened but i dont even know lol

[Alice]

Well, for me it is kind of different. I grew up in an extremely abusive home and very mistreated in school all my life due to being different. I've been made painfully are that I'm not able to trust people. I don't even trust my family or friends. I can't bring myself to trust anyone...I've tried many times only to betrayed harshly later. I can't believe I was even able to marry Minkseru, but something overwhelmingly came over me telling me that I could trust him. Anyways, My point is, I don't greet stranger in any fashion. It has left me with little to no friends, but I have been happier this way. A lot less people to worry about trying to do anything to me. I have greeted strangers in the past but somehow the situation turns sour. I have two family members I can trust and no friends that I can trust. I'm not a people person. I find it easiest to not associate with people. I find it easier to talk with people online instead of face-to-face.

[† Emotional Outlet]

How are you greeting people that it turns sour so quickly?

I talk to at least a dozen different people each day even in the few hours I spend at the library, including a few regulars (the homeless like to chill out there), especially when I'm in the front sorting out the children's books. When I was in the military, I talked to tons and tons of different people since I lived in the dorms. Airmen moved in and out like clockwork, so there was always someone new hanging out in the day room, people I would run into while doing my laundry. Not to mention that with having to move every few years ever since I was a tiny tot, I've accumulated some measure of contacts across the globe.

I'm not the most trusting person in the world and I'm pretty sure I tend to suffer from bitchface unless I'm actively smiling, but even with my guarded responses to strangers, nothing bad happens. I mean, the conversation might dry up and they'll go on with their day, but I'm equally able to go on with my day.

[Alice]

Nothing turns sour initially, but it isn't long and they do something which is bad toward me. I hate people putting a friendly face to me only to back-stab me later. Granted I don't have to deal with many people anymore. I'm a stay=at=home mom now and spend most of my days at home with Sakura. I only go out when I've got appointments and grocery shopping trips. Every now and then I will go hang out with a friend...but it is very rare. I'm pretty much a hermit...LOL As long as I have what I need then I have know use in going outside the house.

[Dark_Angel13]

Nothing turns sour initially, but it isn't long and they do something which is bad toward me. I hate people putting a friendly face to me only to back-stab me later. Granted I don't have to deal with many people anymore. I'm a stay=at=home mom now and spend most of my days at home with Sakura. I only go out when I've got appointments and grocery shopping trips. Every now and then I will go hang out with a friend...but it is very rare. I'm pretty much a hermit...LOL As long as I have what I need then I have know use in going outside the house.

 

I hadn't checked back on this thread for some time and it seems to of stopped dead at one point but I thought I'd post nonetheless and enquire into your issues DC. You seem to say that most ppl you meet betray you later and turn sour to you, I don't mean to sound mean but if it's happening with every new person you meet do you think it could be something you do to turn them against you? Because in my experience not everyone is born to betray everyone they meet otherwise our lives would be very lonely and everyone would be getting backstabbed constantly so yeah.

[† poetictragedy]

Oh my goodness, you people are all so friendly. I barely even make eye contact. And sometimes pull the old checking-my-phone trick to NOT have to look at people.

... This makes me realize how crippling my social anxiety actually is...