Babybluex Posted July 15, 2012 Report Share Posted July 15, 2012 Here is what's happening:I have a brother in law who's being quite the asshole with my sister. They have kids together, but he's been treating her badly. I'm very tempted to beat the heck out of the bastard, but my father is old and has blood pressure issues, and might get really upset over the matter. Reporting it to the police isn't going to get me anywhere. I talked to her today and she was crying.A divorce is not a very good solution right now as they have three kids, and she wants to be there for them.What would you do? Would you beat the heck out of him? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
coffeeNiK Posted July 15, 2012 Report Share Posted July 15, 2012 I would probably try to speak with him. One on One if possible. Beyond that, i wouldn't know what to do...In a fantasy world I probably would beat him up......but it's not. It's reality. If you beat the s**t out of the guy he could call the cops and send you off to jail. I'm just speaking in the worst case...but I doubt....that if you beat him up he'd snap out of his *asshole-acism* (fake word lol). Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Babybluex Posted July 15, 2012 Author Report Share Posted July 15, 2012 Problem is I already talked to him a while back, and that made him worse, thinking I couldn't do anything. I'm not that worried about the cops; afterall, I can just get out on bail. Not that much of a threat, as this will be taken in as a domestic problem... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
coffeeNiK Posted July 15, 2012 Report Share Posted July 15, 2012 (edited) Honestly, I don't trust the police system for anything so I'd still say ...take it easy.Another confrontation is necessary then, I'm thinking if you can get a lot of people with you....i.e: Relatives or friends or care....you can carry out an intervention.Is that possible?Another option is to get some legal advice. Try to figure out if there's anything your bro-in-law is doing that can have him reprimanded or even adjusted.... Edited July 15, 2012 by coffeeNiK Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
†RazorDan Posted July 15, 2012 Report Share Posted July 15, 2012 Honestly, I don't trust the police system for anything so I'd still say ...take it easy.Another confrontation is necessary then, I'm thinking if you can get a lot of people with you....i.e: Relatives or friends or care....you can carry out an intervention.Is that possible?Another option is to get some legal advice. Try to figure out if there's anything your bro-in-law is doing that can have him reprimanded or even adjusted....Yeah, I'd do this. Get a group together and it should make him see what he's doing. Need to know more about what sort of personality he has. Couldn't you get some of his family to act? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
†Mute point Posted July 15, 2012 Report Share Posted July 15, 2012 I would talk to her. Find out exactly what he's doing if she;ll talk about it, then go to the police. Fact is... if there is a record of domestic abuse, then if she files for divorce, he would have 0 chance to getting any custody that doesn't involve closely supervised visitation.Above all else though, remain 100% supportive of her, even if you don't agree with what she wants to do. Don't start off by badmouthing her husband or she'll likely turn on you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Babybluex Posted July 16, 2012 Author Report Share Posted July 16, 2012 Well, you've all got valid points there. The family visit plan seems doable. Just need to get my hands on a handful of intimidating fellows. As for the divorce idea, she's trying to get her kids a normal life, and that's why she hasn't left him already. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
zx0 Posted July 16, 2012 Report Share Posted July 16, 2012 Yeah go beat the crap out of him!! That will solve all of your problems, and he definitely won't take it out on your sister after you leave.But serously the family intervention sounds like the best idea. You don't need intimidating people, the idea is not to intimidate but to open his eyes. Let him know you all know what is going on and it is not acceptable. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pinkie Pie Posted July 16, 2012 Report Share Posted July 16, 2012 Being in an abusive situation is nothing close to a "normal family life" for children. She needs to get out. She needs your help to see that what she's doing right now is stalling the pain a divorce does bring for children and later in life her children will despise her for it. I know how that feels directly. I experienced my parents divorcing when I was six years old. You're doubting how perceptive children can be in situations like that. They already know what's going on. They know that Daddy does bad things to Mommy. You have no idea what they might have witnessed at the hands of their father. My advice is to do everything you can to make your sister see this before it's too late, because until she does something, those children are not safe and they most definitely are not living a "normal" life. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
seirachan Posted July 16, 2012 Report Share Posted July 16, 2012 (edited) Well, you've all got valid points there. The family visit plan seems doable. Just need to get my hands on a handful of intimidating fellows. As for the divorce idea, she's trying to get her kids a normal life, and that's why she hasn't left him already.Tell her you CAN'T give your kids a normal life with a father like that. She needs to brake away from that asshole with the help of you and her the rest of her family to try and get custody over the kids. She may not be able to change who their father is but she can try to make their future better by ridding him of their lives. I'm FUCKING GLAD my parents got divorced it should have happened when I was a fucking baby. When I was like 4 years old my dad was yelling at my mother then he punched her across the face and called her a bitch so I asked, "mommy whats a bitch"? She was crying. I DON'T WANT ANY KIDS TO SEE THAT AND I DON'T WANT ANY WOMAN TO GO THROUGH THAT SHIT. It's hard to leave a man but it MUST be done. I've been with men that treat me like shit, beat me, etc. IT'S NOT A LIFE SOMEONE SHOULD LIVE. Having a father like that is what messes up a kids life. the closer they are to them for for longer the more fucked up their lives with be. Edited July 16, 2012 by seirachan Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alice Posted July 16, 2012 Report Share Posted July 16, 2012 (edited) This situation sounds extremely similar to how I had to grow up, expect it was my mother who was the abusive one and me & my brother were the ones stuck in the crossfire. My mother was extremely abusive and had even almost killed me by suffocating me to death. When she kick my mother out, even thou she had a huge record of abuse on file in the court system, the court still award her custody. Courts usually favor the women of the marriage. Its unfair but true.I can tell you from personal experience...her kids are NOT getting a normal life with someone like him as a father. She and her kids would have a more normal life if she left him, and they would be a lot safer. He will most likely not get better...just worse. The court would award her custody. She needs to leave him and take her kids. They need a better life, which they can't achieve the way they are now.I am speaking with what I know and have experience. Edited July 17, 2012 by Sakura Rei Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Babybluex Posted July 17, 2012 Author Report Share Posted July 17, 2012 Let me start explaining by saying that he avoids those confrontations with his wife in front of the kids, hence her attitude. Also, I've spoken with some of the relatives, and they want to respect her desire to stay there for her kids. Like I said, there is no evidence of his abuse, but my sister's words, which makes it hard to prove that there is anything going on.As for me, right now I'm just wondering whether I should meet up with him or not. Oh, and by the way, he knows we know what's going on, and he's a coward.I understand where you're coming from when you say that's not a normal life and she needs to leave him, but the kids do love their father, and he really does change around his kids.I think I'll be ready for an intervention in case he takes it further...Oh and by the way, beating the crap out of him will make him stop abusing her, but will result in a complete breakdown of the household, as he will leave her and might even try to make a run for it with the kids. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pinkie Pie Posted July 17, 2012 Report Share Posted July 17, 2012 I think you're misinterpreting what we're saying. The kids might "love" their father, they're also most likely in fear of him. Don't mix the two. re custody: That's not always true. My father was awarded custody of me when it became clear that my mother had no wish to be a part of my life at all. Don't always assume that the mother always gets custody. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alice Posted July 17, 2012 Report Share Posted July 17, 2012 (edited) I never said the mother ALWAYS gets custody...they just get it more than the fathers do. The only thing my mother wanted out of me was my dad's money and to use me as her "punching bag". Even thou she had a HUGE file of cases of abuse against me...she was still awarded custody over me...despite how much I said I wanted to be with my father because I was tired of being abuse.Even thou she could have easily been sent to jail for child abuse and neglect...they instead said I couldn't leave her. Most courts tend to favor the mothers, regardless of whether they are fit or not to have their children...My point being...sadly, life just isn't fair.[EDIT]Okay I did put "always", but I didn't mean it. I mis-typed a bit of what I said. Edited July 17, 2012 by Sakura Rei Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Digatu Posted July 17, 2012 Report Share Posted July 17, 2012 Here is what's happening:I have a brother in law who's being quite the asshole with my sister. They have kids together, but he's been treating her badly. I'm very tempted to beat the heck out of the bastard, but my father is old and has blood pressure issues, and might get really upset over the matter. Reporting it to the police isn't going to get me anywhere. I talked to her today and she was crying.A divorce is not a very good solution right now as they have three kids, and she wants to be there for them.What would you do? Would you beat the heck out of him?Yep, Got to beat the crap out of him if you can't get her to leave. Kids are a lot stronger than you'd think. At times a lot stronger than adults bouncing back quicker from crap life throws at us. If it was my family. We wouldnt ask her to leave and just give him it.My family dumped a guy 25 miles from nowhere naked for just overtalking to my dad pissed so you can imagine what would happen in this situation. He just kept following him around lolIn regards to custody battles.My cousin (guy) has been through 2 custody battles and won both so it isn't always a case of the woman getting the kids and one of those battles they have a decent mother but she lied and tried to say the police was around all the time and other stuff. Pretty thick person tbh considering the court ask the police for all records relating to said visits to the house which there were none, hence, One lie led to another and she got torn a new one. Only if she hadnt lied. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alice Posted July 17, 2012 Report Share Posted July 17, 2012 Like I said...I didn't mean always. It does happen thou. My mother was a horrible person and did lots of things that were very bad, and the court knew about them. She even went as far to say she never once hit me...even thou I had the bruises and broken bones to prove it. Yet, she lied and they believed her even thou it was on file that she was abusive. I am just saying it does happen. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Allienne Posted July 19, 2012 Report Share Posted July 19, 2012 My cousin was in this same situation. She has 3 sons and her husband was beating her. She got a divorce and was able to keep the children. She had proof he was abusing her and the court ruled that she was the victim and there was a chance he could turn on the children. She got full custody of her three sons. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Babybluex Posted March 26, 2013 Author Report Share Posted March 26, 2013 Insightful. So far, what's happened is that I got the message through to him that a decent beating is in store for him if he doesn't clean his act, and he has been behaving differently for a while now. What I believe, however, is that another factor might have been the reason. Anyhow, whatever happens, I'll keep it all in mind, and thank you all for your comments Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Malyssa Rahl Posted March 26, 2013 Report Share Posted March 26, 2013 Hope it all works out, but I'd say that a divorced family is far more normal than an abusive one. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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