Dealing with a issue regarding friendship/relationship

[† cloud1414]

First wanted to say sorry i havent been on the forums much now that my hours with work have changed and its been really hard on me. And just got back from an anime convention i will talk about that later in my post.

But here is whats goign on with my life right now,

I met a girl last november at an anime convention i always go to since its like 30 minutes from my house. I met her at the same cn last year but this was the first time we actually got the chance to hang out. I talked to her on facebook and myspace before but after hanging out after the con we became friends, and she becasme one of my best friends.

We went to other conventions, roomed together, no big deal. we had a good time at all the cons we went to, went to game works, and other places and had a good time.

but we was always with her friend so it didnt make it awkward and i didnt put her in that spot. But the last con i went to it was just me and her because her friend wasnt able to drive us up to the con up in sandusky. so it was just me and her in te room alone.

We still had a great time at the con, but on the ride back home she didnt really say much at all, and when i got dropped off at home, i waved bye to her and said good bye, she gave me a faint wave and left. I was alittle worried there.

So later that night i asked her on facebook chat if i hoped i didnt put you in a awkward posisiton at the con since it was just me and you because it was always our group that went to the cons. sh said no it wasnt awkward by far... i tink i did put her in a awkward spot, she just ddnt want to say anything.

I go to sleep and wake up to say hi to her on facebok but then i see that i cant see her wall on her profile, i was like what the hell? yeah i was alittle shocked because noting like this has happened before, and its just weird that sh would do something like this.

So i send her a private message asking whats going on? she says she doesnt know whats going on facebook is being lame blah blah blah...

I have a feeling she really filtered me on facebook and she just doesnt want to admit what she did. I give her some space just to see if somethng would happen.

that was tuesday when it happened, now its monday.

but on saturday is where it really goes crazy, her friend told her i liekd her and i told her friend to promise me not to tell her i liked her becayse i was afraid something might happen like she would stop talking to me, she would act differently around me, she wont hangout with me anymore, i was scared i was goingto lose our friendshp if she knew.

yup, her friend went behind my back and told her that i liked her. and all hell broke loose basically. we were supposed to go to kings island because i wanted to give her a good time and let her have some fun.

but now she doesnt want to go because her knowing i like her now.

now im scared that im going to lose our friendship because of all of this, and i dont want to lose that because she is my best friend.

im talking to one of er other friends right now over skype, shes really nice and she wouldnt want to see us like this so she is trying to help me out by giving me advice and giving me notes on what to tell her when the time is right to tell her everything.

so fat this is what she told me to tell her:

"Mel,

Im sorry that i caused this whole thing of liking you and i thought about it and i now i just wanted to tell you that i dont like you anymore i dont know what i was thinking back then. I dont want our friendship to be ruined and if you want i can give you more time but im really sorry and i hope we dont ruin our friendship and this whole awkwardness."

and she told me this:

*smack yooh* DUDE.! the fact she knows you like her already i think you shouldnt have zach talk to her about it.! i mean i think you just need to give her time and space and try not to talk to her cause shes probably having an awkard moment from hearing the news and just needs LOTS of time.

kay told me to give her about till the end of the month to leave her alone and give her space, im so worried about me im not even worring about mels feeling over all o this, i feel awful, i dont know what to do, im so lost right now. i wish i had the coruage to tell her in person everyting but i just done know.

*im sorry for all the spelling mistakes, ill fix that later, im just so tired right now*

[Shade_13]

Man, have just read your post. I don't think i can take such a responsibility on me and give some advice, because it's not my life we're talking about. Just do what you think is right. Good luck, man.

[† ballard]

I hope everything works out for you. I'd try to give some advice but I don't want to end up saying the wrong thing and make the situation worse for you XD...

[Cynthia]

Oh God, the low amount of grammar makes a lot of this topic me trying to translate what you intended to say. I'm a little surprised considering you're a staff member; we should be able to understand you, no offense. Setting good examples is ideal.

As for your problem, you really shouldn't just leap right back in there. You're pushing your luck with her. Secondly, I think the real lesson you should take away from this is: if you don't want someone to know something, don't tell anyone. She wouldn't have found out if you didn't tell your friend. No matter how much you "trust" them, there's always the chance you could piss them off one day, or they let it slip by accident.

[-Zero-]

so basically it was all started by her friend?. I agree with Cynthia, things that are very personal to you, like your feelings, should be kept to yourself. Instead of telling her friend, you could've told her directly when the time was right. I'm not condemning you for your actions but I've seen this happen to my friends as well. In any case, i wish you good luck!

[† cloud1414]

Im sorry for all the grammer mistakes, i was so tired last night and i was just not feeling my normal self, yeah i made a big mistake by telling her friend, i should of kept it all to my self, and maybe none of this would of never happened. But its too late now to look back and wish i could go back and change things, hell something worse could of happened if i tried changing what i did. but thanks everyone for your support, i guess all i can do now is wait and give her her space and her time alone. i guess ill call her or try to meet with her and explain everything and say im sorry for causing all of this. i will keep you all posted if anything happens later down the road.

[Shade_13]

Sorry for causing what, man? Sorry for liking her? I dont seem to get the problem - does she not like you? Then let her be. I dont get why would she feel bad about it, and honestly, if so,then it's her problem. Maybe you dont know her that good, what kind of person she is. Maybe you should cool your head before jumping into any conclusions, mate, before taking the next step.

And if she really just feels awkward about a guy hitting on her, then it's okay, but dont give her too much time to convince herself that it's wrong, that it souldn't happen, etc. Keep in touch with her like nothing happened and definetely dont mention in front of her that something did happen. And dont give her friends or your friends to much stuff to imagine and gossip, you know?

[† cloud1414]

well i mean i wanted to say sorry to her for causing all this awkwardness. rip your post got flagged by another member because it had nothing to do with this discussion thats why it got deleted.

i guess she doesnt like me the same way maybe thats why shes acting like this. nut overall i guess ill give her until the end of the month and try talking to her over the phone or try to in person it would be better then sayng it over facebook.

guys thanks for your support on this, really means alot.

[Elsch]

well I can offer some advice if you'd like to listen to a stranger. forgive any harshness in this post, I am only trying to help and mean no harm by it.

what were you thinking by telling her friend that you liked her? they are girls, and they are friends for goodness sake. did you honestly think she wouldn't be told? I am sorry, but that was definitely bound to happen. use yer head a little dude! ^.-

secondly, from the sound of your post, it seems like you guys have been friends for at least a year now. you've shared a lot of memories and had a lot of good times. it's really sweet that you developed romantic feelings towards her. but because of her reaction, and to put this bluntly, I'm sorry if this stings a little, but it sounds like it wouldn't have worked out no matter what.

you weren't asking to marry her, you weren't even asking to date her, she only "heard" from a friend that you have feelings for her. I say shame on her for not coming to talk to you about this before freaking out. for all she knows, her friend could have been spreading rumors just for the sake of causing trouble. yes, that's not true, but what difference does she know? if she doesn't even have the courage and the maturity to talk to you about this before completely blocking you out of her life, I suggest looking elsewhere for a romantic partner. she clearly doesn't have even close to the amount of affection towards you, as you do for her. and you deserve someone who will give you the same amount of love that you give to them.

these are only my thoughts on the issue. I leave the decision up to you. And I really wish you luck in this situation and hope that you are able to find your happiness in the end. you can always send me a PM if you need to talk to someone. *hugs*

[† cloud1414]

well I can offer some advice if you'd like to listen to a stranger. forgive any harshness in this post, I am only trying to help and mean no harm by it.

what were you thinking by telling her friend that you liked her? they are girls, and they are friends for goodness sake. did you honestly think she wouldn't be told? I am sorry, but that was definitely bound to happen. use yer head a little dude! ^.-

secondly, from the sound of your post, it seems like you guys have been friends for at least a year now. you've shared a lot of memories and had a lot of good times. it's really sweet that you developed romantic feelings towards her. but because of her reaction, and to put this bluntly, I'm sorry if this stings a little, but it sounds like it wouldn't have worked out no matter what.

you weren't asking to marry her, you weren't even asking to date her, she only "heard" from a friend that you have feelings for her. I say shame on her for not coming to talk to you about this before freaking out. for all she knows, her friend could have been spreading rumors just for the sake of causing trouble. yes, that's not true, but what difference does she know? if she doesn't even have the courage and the maturity to talk to you about this before completely blocking you out of her life, I suggest looking elsewhere for a romantic partner. she clearly doesn't have even close to the amount of affection towards you, as you do for her. and you deserve someone who will give you the same amount of love that you give to them.

these are only my thoughts on the issue. I leave the decision up to you. And I really wish you luck in this situation and hope that you are able to find your happiness in the end. you can always send me a PM if you need to talk to someone. *hugs*

Its alright, nothing was harsh at all in your post. I agree, i wasnt using my head when i told mels friend carolina that i liked mel. and im probably going to regret that for awhile now.

i never wanted a relationship with her, i just really liked her as a friend, hell shes my best friend after all. and i really need to let her know that, yeah i had feelings for you but not in that way, but im still going to give her some time before i try to talk to her. im never good at these things anyways DX talking to girls.

I just really hope after all of this we still stay friends, thats what i want most of all from her, her friendship. ill let those feelings for her fade away if it means keeping that friendship with her, im willing to take that chance.

[Elsch]

hm...if you do get the chance to talk to her again in the future, I would make it very clear to her that you have no romantic feelings for her at all anymore. and just want things to be innocent and fun, the way they used to be.

she might of already withdrawn too much to ever go back to the way things were, but it's the only chance you may have.