A straining Relationship

[Wake]

I really don't know were to start or how to say thing properly, but here goes....

I am sick and have been for the better part of a year now... it has been hard and know it's only going to get worse. My doc says don't lose hope, but even he doesn't know what to do now, and he's one of the best. My problem is not me, but my family. I don't know what to say to them anymore. I know they must feel as helpless as I, the worse and worse I get and can't really do anything for me. My mom keeps talking about all the thinks that I should be doing and planning for in my life. Like a "normally person" you know, finishing college, getting a job, things like that. But even now, I am just not physically able to. My dad comes by and asks me to do things; go out to dinner with the family, go to a movie, and most of the time I just can't, and it makes me feel worse just having to reject him every time and he gets angry and then sad and then leaves.

I know I should be doing as much with them as I can, but all the conversation ever is, is why haven't I tried to do this, or that? And I just want to yell at them saying "I can't!" but a few days later I know they will just go back and ask again (it's like a reset button was pressed or something), because they don't know what else to do and neither do I. I know what their going through is just as much hell as what I'm going through, but I can't continue with this kind of relationship with them. I keep my distance from them now, I know that must be hurting them more, but I'm at my limit. I can't take care of myself and care for their feeling at the same time anymore. I care about my family more the anything else but I am just human. I am looking for how to brake this cycle with them, but I really am not looking for advise but if you want to give it, I'll be happy to hear what you have to say. I just wrote this to have it written down I guess. Otherwise I might explode. Thanks for you listening ear whoever you are.

[Avith]

Actually, I think can relate to you. I could never explain the awkwardness I feel for my family. I care about them, yet ... not really. It's just that things get old. They want me to be a certain way or do things, but I just can't or it is not in my nature. The conversations always go the same way. I'm not really interested in who they are, and they don't seem to be either. I've just lost interest in there "best interest". I guess I kinda grew up not really understanding what families do or feel, yet I don't feel like I did something wrong. Everyone just says I need to do this or that, or they want to talk to me about something so unbeliveably tedious. It's also tough because I can't relate at all to any of my family. It's like I don't even belong. It's hard to explain how I feel about my family. I don't dislike them, but I don't like them either. What do you think, Wake? For me, it's kinda hard to put into words.

[Wake]

Yah I know what you mean Avith, it is very hard to convey feelings through text. Even authors have a hard time and it's their paid profession.

If their reasonable people I would try to talk to them and be as blunt and clear as possible. It may hurt their feeling at first, but if you make progress in your relationship with them then it is a big and good step forward. It has taken me 8 months to really get through to my mom, who I love, but is one of the most stubborn people ever to actually have a conversation and not turn into an argument. I don't know how it happened, but after I wrote my first post, I went to see my mom. It was short but she listened to what I said as I told her she had to decide between us talking without hidden messages, without NOT listening to each other, or I'm done trying to have any sort of important conversation with her. I told her that she needs to decide what kind of relationship she really wants with me. I want to be candid with her and really be able to talk to her, because of how important she is to me. She really didn't say anything, but we both understood that we both needed some time to think. I hope and pray this is a good step forward. Hope that helps in some way Avith.

[Edder]

I feel what your going through man!! My parents are great people, but they keep nagging me about studying further, doing this, doing that. When i go visit them, i never stay more than an hour, cause it always turns into some kind of fight. I know they care, and i care aswell, but sometimes they have to understand that its my life. i think having a healthy family relationship is a good thing, but its just so damn hard to do it with my family!!! I hope you get everything sorted out buddy!! Good luck!!

[Nameless]

I really feel U and the thing U did by writing your problem at the forum , it is one of the good things U have done for yourself , don't torture yourself by keeping your problems to yourself , share your problems with yours friends and the most important thing of all, tell your parents directly about your problems , don't hesitate , keep one thing in your mind that they are your parents and they will always do whats best for U.

Truth is that I also went through the same problems and my fight with my parents escalated to such a level that one night I left my parents house and started living in my Girlfriend's house and in the end it was my Girlfriend who took me back to my parents and She told them all about my problems directly and strange thing was they listened and they understood , they didn't bother me with the same thing again ; yeah , they still sometimes told me not to waste to much time and concentrate on my career but that was o.k , they are my parents afterall . Even after this I realised one thing that I sometimes not able to share their happiness so I decided to share their problems , their burden and from that moment on I always tried to help parents by doing some of their work. A year later I started doing my Masters, and got a job as a Jr.Scientist and I also do some online jobs and now I am making some good money , my Girlfriend has moved in with Us in our New House . We have become a nice , happy Family.

So my suggestion is share problems with your friends , with your Girlfriend , with your Brother , your Cousin and most important of all your Parents , just don't keep it to yourself and NEVER LOSE HOPE , YOUR TIME WILL MOST CERTAINLY COME .

WISH YOU A VERY HAPPY AND HEALTHY LIFE.

Bye.

[Kinara Uzumaki]

I guess relationships between children and parents will always be a complicated business. I can relate to the whole strained relationship thing because in a family like mine where my mum idolizes my brother and treats him in such a special way and my late father always used to listen to him instead of me and now I'm stuck in between something like a prison and a dictator.

At least you, Wake, spoke out to your mother and there's a mutual understanding between you two but in my case, everyone says that my family ends up with so much trouble and problems amongst ourselves simply because there's no communication, no trust, no straightforwardness with each other, even though it's only me, my mum and my brother now. My brother makes all the decisions now and my mum is scared of him and in any case, even if he does anything wrong, her love for him forgives him. It's like I don't exist anymore, like I'm not a part of that family, they treat me that way and constantly make me feel like I'm an outsider. But at times, they can be so good and kind that I can't help forgiving them and loving them.

I guess it's a love/hate relationship I have with my family......You're a strong person to have survived so far, Wake. I'm sure that with determination, you'll do great things in life!

[Monad-Gnostis]

I'm going through the same thing you are..., and I feel like I just can't do anything

but I build up though I reinforce myself to make the move forward I dont just write things off as undone I try to get it done, and when you try you know what you can do and what you cant do wich is painful at times but, I'm sorry I can't finish this