Funny Quotes?

[DEATHxxx50bmg]

heres just a few pretty funny ones. what are some you got.

If at first you dont succeed, skydiving isnt for you.

I am so clever that sometimes i dont even understand a word i am saying.

The average woman would rather have beauty than brains, because the average man can see better than he can think.

When I die, I want to go peacefully like my Grandfather did, in his sleep -- not screaming, like the passengers in his car.

[lordofelemental]

"you can't cook if your afraid of fire"

“You can’t change the cards life has dealt you, but you can determine the way you’ll play them.”

"A house divided against itself cannot stand."

"Be sure you put your feet in the right place, then stand firm. "

[seirachan]

"you can't cook if your afraid of fire"

“You can’t change the cards life has dealt you, but you can determine the way you’ll play them.”

"A house divided against itself cannot stand."

"Be sure you put your feet in the right place, then stand firm. "

I don't see how any of those are funny...

But I made a quote the other day If two people are fighting say this:

"The only thing you'll end up solving is a jigsaw puzzle out of your bones"

Kinda meh but hay is for horses : D >.>

[Oblivia]

I run in triangles cause circles are for squares - ParasiteEve ^.~

Son, if you really want something in this life, you have to work for it. Now quiet! They're about to announce the lottery numbers. - Homer Simpson

Insanity is hereditary. You get it from your kids.

Car service: If it ain't broke, we'll break it.

Whatever it is -- I didn't do it! (I tend to say this pretty often lol)

[ChrisDodge]

"Even if you fall on your face, your still moving forward." - Robert C. Gallagher

Its a serious quote, but it still cracks me up when when I think about it. xD

[renovalentine]

I may be drunk, Miss, but in the morning I will be sober and you will still be ugly. -- Winston Churchill

[Vael]

"If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something."

"Join The Army, Visit exotic places, meet strange people, then kill them."

"Evening news is where they begin with 'Good evening', and then proceed to tell you why it isn't."

"Cheer up, the worst is yet to come."

"Always remember that you are absolutely unique. Just like everyone else."

"I like work. It fascinates me. I sit and look at it for hours"

Always and never are two words you should always remember never to use.

---------Wendell Johnson

It matters not whether you win or lose; what matters is whether I win or lose.

--------Weinberg

[Kasoivc]

"If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something."

LOL Sho, that reminds me of the Murphy's Law one.

Something along the lines of "If everything seems to be quiet and well, obviously you walked into an ambush." I believe it was x3 That's a good one.

My personal favorite; "Duct tape is like the force. It has a light side, a dark side, and it holds the world together."