Axeliron's Dark Mind and Heavy Heart

[dragonhart47]

This will be a collection of poems I have written in the past several years. They will be listed in chronological order. If you wish to see through the deepest, darkest reaches of my soul, then look no further. Below each title is a short description of what they are about.

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The Rise and Fall (Early 2007)

(About my first true love that I lost)

I am from a thousand achievements I’ll never remember

One cold year, two months after December

I am from a lost dream I will never forget.

Looking back reveals only a broken silhouette

Am I looking into a mirror, or a shattered window of my dreams?

Things never get much clearer; let me break through this machine

I am born from cannon fire and a burning night’s sky

Born to seek truth but to bleed out only lies

I crawled in exile for eighteen years on a one-way street

Fighting against meaningless fears, never able to retreat

Inches became miles as I struggled to reach higher

Overcoming these trials, my soul danced in fire

I am from internal sacrifice to the highest degree

Perfect on the surface but inside you’ll never see

Where the demons fall through with a dark guarantee

That if I don’t wake up now, I will never be free

I am from a dream no one dared to believe

Taking every extreme, flying so high to achieve

I landed in a place I never wanted to leave

I am from bitter winds that split my flesh

And now is the time where I must confess

That I am not perfect, I’m so sorry you thought that way

I laugh and I cry, I rise and fall, until you hear me say-

I am from a million achievements I don’t care to remember

My heart was left for dead two months after December

Forever changed by a lost love I will never forget

But after my torn ashes settle, there is nothing I regret

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Live This Day Now (12/1/08)

(Soon after meeting my second and last true love)

We always say perfection is impossible

Because wanting to believe just hurts too much

While our broken doubts still cause us to sweat

Terrified hearts are healed by a simple touch

Live this day now, for it is all that we have

I’ll see you again, but I want to make this last

Steal this day now before time can grasp

It away from us, our time apart will be fast

Sitting on my lap, finger tips gracing my back

Make time slip from my mind, I can’t keep track

Of all the times I miss moments like these

I’ve embedded them all in an ever-lasting freeze

Live this day now, for it is all that we have

I’ll see you again, but I want to make this last

Steal this day now before time can grasp

It away from us, our time apart will be fast

Broken hearts stitched together

Frail souls intertwined

Creating pure memories that last forever

Defeating lost dreams, all left behind

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Before Myself (6/15/09)

(Second true love's sudden betrayal)

Rage stay away from me

I am not your empty shell

This pain will not take me

I remember how hard I had fell

Body thrashed upon walls of mind

You aren't being cruel enough

Enough remains to still spark a flame

Douse me now before I burn myself

One day is all I asked to turn this around

This isn't as hard as you think

One more week and I promise you'll be found

but I can't promise what you'll see if you blink

Heart hanging in several places at once

You aren't dividing me enough

Enough remains to locate the seams

Tear me now before I fail myself

My remains are as predictable as a cornered badger

Alive or dead, I could still taste your flesh

I won't risk you staying near

I really wish you had more fear

Closer just once more to lend me your ear

Your world will know ruin if I don't disappear

Mind in four corners of heaven and hell

You aren't destroying me enough

Enough remains to think I have a chance

Finish the job before I risk it myself

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Lasting Dream & Hallowed Bliss (7/2/09)

(Haze of depression over the second true love)

My touch is failing to reach above

Who could ever seek a warmer love

Is this world really worth leaving behind

Is forever is too cruel and hard to find

In this silence my eyes continue to scream

Are we for the living or a lasting dream

No drops are found, just one glaring truth

I refuse to move on without finding proof

Chilled tension or lustful slumber

In your eyes, I just see a number

My actions too grave for better or worse

Years of regret too much to traverse

In this silence my eyes continue to scream

Are we for the living or a lasting dream

No drops are found, just one glaring truth

I refuse to move on without finding proof

Glimmers of hope got me clawing the surface

Tearing through all the shit for a purpose

Turning back now to resurrect

With knives being all I expect

For a chance that all will connect

Our past is too much for us to reject

In this silence my eyes continue to scream

Are we for the living or a lasting dream

No drops are found, just one glaring truth

I refuse to move on without finding proof

Together or not, we'll continue to feel

A bond carried on through a dream so surreal

This world we built lives on in us

Neither of us can turn this to dust

---

Hallowed Bliss (One hour later, 7/2/09

But it remains to be seen

In my heart or in my mind

Wether its best to come clean

Or keep it all confined

I want you back but do I need this

My heart lacks you and can't resist

The last thing you want is my cancer

The first thing I need is your answer

But it remains to be said

From your lips to God's ears

If you wish it all to be dead

and make all hope disappear

I need you now but must I fight this

You know how to trust my hallowed bliss

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Bad Memory (1/10/10)

(Remembering how badly I was rejected by a very special girl in high school)

Cancer rotting through the floor

Was my heart as I begged for more

Fragments of light I never knew

Feelings so fresh, all for you

Like the sudden jolt that set us all free

Crossing roads are split as we flee

First hint of kindness made me hunger

During those foolish years we were younger

I'm the bad memory carried in her mind

Her heart was one I could never find

Banishing eyes took my soul entranced

Our hearts as one never stood a chance

Like the final shot that scatters debris

Deep rooted fears are cast out to sea

Second show of your hope fed my hunger

All while my dreams will tear you asunder

I don't blame you for not looking back

Upon what you know only as black

Everything I am is what you lack

For a bad memory heart attack

Like every time I wished for a better plea

Now we both know its the last thing we need

May these memories by victims of plunder

By time's cold hand and roaring thunder

I decided to separate the remainder of my poems in a second post because they were all within a very short, specific time frame. These are about the events that took place after my second true live had dealt the final blow.

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Obligation (5/20/10)

(About how my second true love and my mother have had a very similar effect on me)

These screeching ties of golden chain

Rusted in a year of bitter rain

Smallest link drives me insane

My life you shall never reign

Nothing is ever set in stone

Get it through your fucking head

From your death grip I have grown

My own progress is what you dread

Discovering an impossible temptation

Disguised as my one true salvation

This heaven was only imagination

As I became a mere obligation

Departure born of a brand new threat

Is your most treacherous plan yet

Futures constantly altered everyday

A single path in life is what we betray

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The Quiet Killer (5/24/10)

(Very bitter and very hurt, yet this is a message of hope to myself)

Patience is the quiet killer of every sane mind

Corroding through the pillars supporting every kind

Of hope and frail dream fated to be diced by knives

We cope with this theme created to torment our lives

Or suffer instead within all heartaches intertwined

Gradually we fed the sin of temptation and unbind

One lavish ribbon of Pandora's Box each moment

Too much to resist, this plethora of torment

While I'm forced to remain a victim of curse

Visions of the past contain a violent verse

Depicting my present shame and desire for a hearse

To decorate and frame the neck of all I find perverse

High they will hang as I will be released

From the endless hunt to kill my inner beast

Whose agonizing doubt upon my corpse will feast

Leaving fragments scattered and hope deceased

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To Be Human (5/25/10)

(Feelings of having never been a normal human)

Before I go anywhere, I wanted to try

Living in the years that passed me by

No, I'm not dwelling or living a lie

Just wishing to be human once before I die

Confirming disgust or bearing new fruit

This discovery is a worthy pursuit

Days I considered lost in mortal strife

May finally welcome my evolution of life

Well aware of the danger

I am no fool

Rendezvous with a stranger

The perfect jewel

Smoldering passion inject

Priceless fuel

Beauty of life infect

Forever cruel

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Sorrow's Outlet (5/26/10)

(About the "stranger" mentioned in the previous poem. The sudden arrival of this new girl nearly managed to make me happy again.)

We contrast each other in ways so perfectly

Yet the moment we touch, we fit so seamlessly

Once together, there is much we can learn

To help us grow and let the past burn

Are my words an outlet for her sorrows

The ones buried in exchange for tomorrows

Step without fear inside this newly built lair

Heaven may appear beside us, one we may share

All pain is destroyed whenever we embrace

Only sparing thoughts that make my heart race

Our bond created a dream all fail to erase

Worries will vanish upon her silken face

It's never too soon to know what is pure

This light is not false, of this I am sure

If she takes my hand and allow it to mature

A star will be born and love will endure

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Damnation's Road (5/29/10)

(Lured back into her arms, I am disgusted with myself)

Lurking are the remnants of our hell

Disguised in the most beautiful shell

Exposing my weakness with its spell

With all hope that I'll never rebel

Distant shadows snare me at the brink

Seeking to paralyze again until I sink

Once more into the abyss before I can think

While the cycle of plague eternally shrinks

Newborn strength and resolve unknown

To my wavering soul has been bestowed

Lighting the way from damnation's road

To shed the burden of this heavy load

This hell bound path only leads in reverse

Leading souls blindly and forcefully immersed

The will to love again forbids me to traverse

Through the graveyard where all dreams disperse

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The Coldest Blade (6/1/10)

(Overlook of the past and how the new girl... is already beginning to flee)

I had all the will and determination

To crush armies and conquer nations

Yet when faced with heartfelt relations

I fall to my knees before love's dark creation

Nerves at the edge of the coldest blade

That severed my spirit in a darkened flame

Wielded by fate's hand which can't be stayed

Until my life becomes one it may claim

Silence is my home inside the deepest wound

Unable in any way to help hearts bloom

Pacing around but never leaving this room

Inside my mind where all is slowly entombed

So near you always are

But you always feel so far gone

Bless me, lovely star

Let me never see another dawn

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Shadow Of The Streets (6/3/10)

(There is nothing left for me to do but aimlessly wander the streets)

Walking through darkness

I know I am alone

All misery I suppress

To all I am unknown

Fading away in this small cage

With no reason to why I still age

I'd rather look out into a bigger prison

And hope that any light will be risen

Traveling only on the busiest of streets

Most often wearing holes through my feet

With eyes that burn with senseless heat

Knowing tomorrow night all shall repeat

Wasting away in this small cage

With no purpose for why I still age

I'd rather step out into a bigger prison

And pray that any light will have risen

Who is that person anyway

I see him almost everyday

He is either just a mental case

or a soul not belonging anyplace

To all I now display on this large stage

My every last reason to show off this rage

Towards this solitude my life has ensured

And every lonely battle I somehow endured

Attempts to connect met with infinite defeats

Forced my new role as shadow of the streets

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Black Feathers (6/4/10)

(HIM inspired lyrics)

No birds exist who share our feathers

Large flocks all shot down together

The moment they fall is when we flee

But only in darkness may we fly free

Black feathers flying unchained

Through heavy ashes and pouring rain

Black nightfall's moon regained

Shining upon vermin gone insane

Graceful beauty with a touch so sharp

Erase love's cruelty and malicious heart

Dreams betrayed is the unbearable cost

When peeling the skin of a lover lost

Black feathers flying unchained

Through heavy ashes and pouring rain

Black nightfall's moon regained

Shining upon vermin gone insane

We are the breathing carcass of forsaken love

Our coffins unsheathing a cross and taken above

The hallowed ground from which we rise again

Carrying a lifetime of heartache in our veins

Black feathers eternally stained

By love's fate forever retained

Black nightfall's moon sustained

The only light for a heart slain

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Petrify The Devil (6/6/10)

(How my bitterness and despair is now visible on my face)

Latching on is a pain feeling so ancient

Continually wearing on my lethal patience

It's one I can never let go

Carried from so long ago

A stranger's hell is at my eye level

I heard it in whispers passing me by

A face that could petrify the devil

You would never believe I could cry

The past is the one chaining down my wings

Tormenting memories are all it brings

Too much effort for me to pretend

That I could ever be your friend

A stranger's hell is at my eye level

I saw it in faces passing me by

A face that could petrify the devil

You would think I'd want you to die

I mean no evil

I mean no harm

But you'll never see

Me completely unarmed

I regret my eyes

I regret my face

My only disguise

For my disgrace

You keep walking

You keep leaving

I'm no expert at talking

So I'll only keep breathing

You want to know

You want to touch

My true self is buried deep below

Digging me up just takes too much

A stranger's hell is at my eye level

They'll always keep passing me by

A face that could petrify the devil

I never say hello so I can't say goodbye

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Angel's Shadow (6/13/10)

(Realizing where I have been for all these years)

I am the darkest of clouds enshrouding the stars

Stilling the light pouring from Heaven's opened scars

You are the brightest of flames engulfing the land

Igniting the dark passion erupting from Hell's mighty hand

Falling into place as the Angel's Shadow

Taking in the grace of all her battles

I stand here now because I know what I want

Too many times have I just sat back and watched

You are the only reason I stand my ground

Turn me down if you wish, I won't make a sound

Its the sudden loss of tact

And knowing what I need

That makes my soul react

For this cause I bleed

Falling in love with the Angel's ghost

Taking me above all I fear the most

Lethal perfection

Her love in all its glory

Painless rejection

Her life's my only story

Chasing into worlds unknown

I will eventually lose my sight

Once my dear angel has shown

I have my own battles to fight

Falling once more for an Angel's song

Taking me again to the place I belong

Most will always see this path as wrong

A shadow's life is only for the strong

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Majestic Venom (6/16/10)

(About a dream that appeared within a dream)

The deadliest uncertainty clutched my heart

In a grasp so cold shifting everything dark

Until a dream never made me feel so awake

To the majestic bird and venomous snake

Before my mind's eye I am shown both ends

A kiss upside down, love that transcends

Our chaotic worlds that endlessly ache

Into a world of our own that we shall make

"I can't be with you" is what was stressed

In the other end crashing into my chest

Like a bloody tsunami with malicious wrath

"You aren't good for me" and so ends the path

Truly awake now and aware of both sides

And the heaven and hell that each provides

My stalemate must break to turn the tides

To let my heart chase the love it decides

Edited October 16, 2012 by Emotional Outlet