Breathless Posted July 18, 2013 Report Share Posted July 18, 2013 I can't sleep at the moment, and haven't been on Kametsu for a while. So~, I thought I'd type up a little story. Here we go.'th-thump'. 'th-thump'.The heart beat. Her heart beat...Why does it sound so loud when the doctors tell me it's growing faint.'th-thump'.I'm just watching her chest. Rise. Fall. over and over again. Watching her struggling. Trying to live.And then a thought runs through my mind."When will this end?"followed by the feeling of dread and self-hate. I hate myself for even thinking about the end.And even as I scold myself. I force my mind to tell me "She's still alive now. Be thankfull."...And then... I hate myself even more. I can't think of the future. Because when I think like that, she's not there.No matter how hard I tell myself. "She'll be there." The image of the future is still... so...lonely.'th-thump'.Her heart beat brings my mind back from hating myself to hating the world.Why did it have to be her. What did she do wrong?And...And if it had to happen...Why did the world let us meet?Why do I have to go through this pain...'th-thump'.self-loathing comes back...The vicious cycle of my mind continues to break me down. The only thing that comes from it is hate.Hating the world.Hating her situation.Hating my situation.Hating myself.Hate.Hate Hate Hate Hate Hate Hate Hate Hate Hate Hate Hate Hate Hate Hate HateHate Hate H a t e Hate HATEHATE HaTe HATE HateHate Hate Hate hATE HATE HATEHate....'th-thump'. 'th-thump'. 'th-thump'. 'th-thump'. 'th-thump'. 'th-thump'. 'th-thump'. 'th-thump'. 'th-thump'.~Bee------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------eep~'th-thump'. 'th-thump'. 'th-thump'. 'th-thump'. 'th-thump'. 'th-thump'. 'th-thump'. 'th-thump'. 'th-thump'.A crowd of doctors rush in through the door.What... are they doing?What are the saying?...I hear muffled sounds. But... my ears can't quite keep up.Slowly... They fade away... into... whiteness...'clink'A sound of metal hitting marble rings through my ears...I drop my head... slowly... as if to follows the sound...It's... that thing... that's keeps... appearing... in the back of my head...Why is it... covered in blood?Whos...Aah... That's right... That's my blood...My vision finally fades to a white. But past that white is... her.But her expression... Is it angry, sad?It doesn't matter... At least we're together.Alrighty. That came out a lot sadder than I thought it would. Hope you enjoy! 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
† Emotional Outlet Posted July 19, 2013 Report Share Posted July 19, 2013 What is happen. Did he die? Did she die? Did I die?? I like the inner monologue, I know those thought circles well. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Breathless Posted July 19, 2013 Author Report Share Posted July 19, 2013 (edited) A little question. What did you think about the formatting?/edit: And thankyou for reading my story~. :3 Edited July 19, 2013 by Breathless Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lemmingllama Posted July 19, 2013 Report Share Posted July 19, 2013 Interesting read. I would say that it is better leaving it ambiguous. Keeps us wondering what happened. As for formatting, honestly you couldn't format it differently without changing the dynamic of the story. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
† Emotional Outlet Posted July 19, 2013 Report Share Posted July 19, 2013 The formatting is fine. I wouldn't go that pace for much longer than that, though, haha. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AxelVIII Posted July 20, 2013 Report Share Posted July 20, 2013 Interesting, keeps you guessing. Kinda Dark. Awesome read dude. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Breathless Posted July 21, 2013 Author Report Share Posted July 21, 2013 Thaaaaanks everyone~. After reading this again I think I might do a prequel, except, totally vanilla and happy. :3 We'll see. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kageshiro Posted July 22, 2013 Report Share Posted July 22, 2013 Thaaaaanks everyone~. After reading this again I think I might do a prequel, except, totally vanilla and happy. :3 We'll see. I'd like to see something joyous. But, more to the extent of the human condition. I'm not discrediting your work. It speaks for itself. Do you make short stories like this, or will there be more installments? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Breathless Posted July 22, 2013 Author Report Share Posted July 22, 2013 Hmmmm. I normally just write what comes to mind, and end it when I get bored of it. Most of my works are short stories, though sometimes I'll try tie a couple of them together.It's been a while since I've written anything light hearted so it should be fun. I'll try write it in the next couple of days. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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