Dead Space Fanfic ~Introduction And Chapter One~

[Dark_Angel13]

The year is 2511 and this is Titan Station, once a peaceful space station circling the sight of the first planet crack, full of skyscrapers, schools and other sections, housing thousands of people. The Sprawl as it’s colloquially known is a metropolis in the stars but it houses a dark secret. Hans Tiedemann has raped the minds of Isaac Clarke and Nolan Stross for the blueprints to create his own marker to gain power over the past 3 years.

This new monumental marker has been activated and like before the Necromorphs have been born once again from the corpses of the deceased, many people committing suicide under the markers influence and devote people of the Church of Unitology “sacrificing” themselves for what they believed would be their new beginning.
The infection and Necromorphs spared no one, butchering entire families, leaving few alive on the station, only those who were skilled enough to defend themselves and others. Many survivors held up in maintenance area away from the main Necromorph populace on the Sprawl.

An EDF ship near the Titan Station has recently received a distress signal from a soldier aboard Titan Station. The man informing the EDF general aboard the ship of the attack and how he is currently with a dozen survivors and that many more may be aboard the station still.
The EDF General quickly sending an order to Earth, requesting the Extermination Team being sent in to rescue the survivors and sweep the station for Intel and anyone else alive. This is where the story begins with the team boarding their shuttle that will head to the station.

Their orders are simple, rescue any personnel and civilians aboard Titan Station, remove the Necromorph threat along the way, extract information from several key points on the station and if possible find the source of the uprising and destroy it.
The team has 72 hours to complete these objectives, after that the station will be destroyed by the EDF ship now circling the station, wether the team is on the station or not it will be destroyed to keep the outbreak in check.

I've played the games and pretty sure most of my info is in line with the games for the most part, considering this has been altered and isn't exactly the same, just using it as a base. Anywayz this is the intro part before the real thing begins so just thought I'd put it up here and get some feedback on it. May have some grammatical errors but that'll be fixed and since this is a draft it doesn't really matter right now.

Edited January 26, 2013 by Dark_Angel13

[† Emotional Outlet]

Sounds cool--I played the games for like five minutes, so I'll take your word that it's close to canon, haha. Can't wait for you to post. (◕‿◕)

[Dark_Angel13]

Thanks EO, nice to see this getting some attention. I'll post up the first bit likely today or tomorrow

[† Emotional Outlet]

I try to read everything in here, I just don't always have something to say, haha.

[Dark_Angel13]

Well I'm glad you said something this time around

[† Anras Rune]

I am going to critique the hell out of canonical sources and info, be prepared! lmao.

 

Nah but I'm glad too see you went through with what your were saying to me on Steam, and lets hope its as good as you were making it out too be. As I mentioned when we spoke about this, I love the Dead Space series, despite the sequel's obvious flaws, so I'm looking forward to a good read dude!

[Dark_Angel13]

I am going to critique the hell out of canonical sources and info, be prepared! lmao.

 

Nah but I'm glad too see you went through with what your were saying to me on Steam, and lets hope its as good as you were making it out too be. As I mentioned when we spoke about this, I love the Dead Space series, despite the sequel's obvious flaws, so I'm looking forward to a good read dude!

Thanks Rune and I need the critism, as well as I know the games I get the feeling I may stuff up at some point, I realise the entire Sprawl wasn't shown though so I'll be using some of those unshown areas since I can make them how I want to

[Dark_Angel13]

Projectile Weapons

Seeker Rifle: The Seeker Rifle is a powerful sniper rifle capable of delivering long-range fire.

211-V Plasma Cutter: The 211-V Plasma Cutter also referred to as the "Plasma Cutter" or simply "the Cutter” is a purpose-built, hand-portable mineral cutter manufactured by Schofield Tools.

Arc Welder: The Arc Welding Gun is an engineering tool designed by Schofield Tools for repairing structural damage of any platform.

C99 Supercollider Contact Beam: The C99 Supercollider Contact Beam, also referred simply as the Contact Beam, an engineering tool designed to pound and soften hard raw minerals into smaller pieces.

V101-Core Extractor: The V101-Core Extractor is a heavy duty tool designed for extracting core samples, described as being able to penetrate 65% of all known elements. The primary fire mode fires four plasma beams in a diamond configuration composed of four separate beams at 90 degree angles to each other. The alternate firing mode compresses all four beams together into a continuous stream.

The Detonator: The Detonator is a weapon that fires sensor-tripped charges onto any surface, whether it is the floor, wall, or ceiling. Anyone or anything that crosses the sensor beam will cause the mine to explode

Divet: The Divet is a standard sidearm for crew members and security personnel aboard the USG Ishimura and P-Sec Officers on Aegis VII.

Handheld Graviton Accelerator: The Handheld Graviton Accelerator, commonly referred to as the Force Gun, is a short-range kinetic booster device. Its function in mining operations is to provide blasting power beyond conventional explosive charges, thus making it suitable for precise terraforming applications.

Javelin Gun: The Javelin Gun is a survey tool, manufactured by Timson Tools and designed to fire a titanium spike at high speeds, which can be used to impale Necromorphs.

PFM-100 Hydrazine Torch Flamethrower: The PFM-100 Hydrazine Torch Flamethrower was originally designed to project a liquid hydrazine flame of 500 to 4,000 degrees Celsius onto the layers of ice that trapped valuable ores within comets.

RC-DS Remote Control Disc Ripper: Designed to hack and slice through solid rock, the RC-DS Remote Control Disc Ripper is an extremely dangerous tool. In less skilled hands, it's an accident waiting to happen, ejecting incredibly sharp diamond-coated tungsten blades at up to 17,000 RPM to cut through anything in front of it.

SWS Motorized Pulse Rifle: The SWS Motorized Pulse Rifle is a military-grade triple-barreled assault rifle with a high rate of fire and large ammunition capacity. This firearm is the standard-issue service rifle for EarthGov servicemen and is common among spaceship and space-station security officers.

Masonry Heavy Chain gun: Commonly known as the MC 26 by users and the military, it fires at a rate of 2000 rpm and is loaded with a 500 belt fed magazine unless fed by an ammo pack.

2200 Lok Shotgun: An EDF combat shotgun loaded with a ten shell clip. The weapon has a flashlight fixed to the right side and a laser sight fixed to the left for increased accuracy. The perfect close quarters or last resort weapon for any Necromorph fighter due to its use of shard shells-

SUT Revolver: A large 8 revolver that fires small stake like projectiles that can easily tear off limbs or pin enemies to walls. SUT stands for Sterilization Utility Tool, a mock name considering the weapons purpose is the removal of Necromorphs.

FRA Rifle:

Melee

Bone Cutter: It's used in medical purposes such as cutting bone or precisely cutting limbs for inspection but acts as a makeshift melee weapon against Necromorphs if need be.

Rock Saw: The Rock Saw seems to be a mining instrument designed to mine and cut ore from rocks. The front end is a standard metal pick with serrated edges, while the back end can be folded out to create a laser for slicing and cutting various materials. Evidently the laser is quite powerful.

SH-B1 Plasma Saw: The SH-B1 model of plasma saw is a hand-portable cutter capable of chopping through ore, metal and even Necromorphs' flesh. Featuring a variable output rotary system of superconducting teeth, hundreds of joules of electrical energy per second flow through a plasma sheath riding magnetic fields. Upon contact with solid matter electro-thermal disruption causes intense localized warping and heating, cleaving with a touch.

Plasma Sword: Specifically designed by the EDF for combating Necromorphs in close quarters combat, in skilled hands they are a deadly weapon against any opponent, the blades easily cutting through bone and flesh and to certain extends metal. Not only a weapon but a tool in the since it can be used to open security locked doors by simply hacking them open.

The blade is powered by a portable plasma battery in the base of the handle, simply slotted up into it the way a clip is into a gun.

A button then on the side of the handle locks the battery into place and closes the bottom so it is unable to fall out. Each battery giving the weapon a half an hour of plasma energy, a small indicator on the handle showing the battery life with the colours blue, yellow and red. The indicator will flash red when the battery is close to running out.

The blades can be shut off simply by tapping the button that locks the battery into place twice as the blades cannot be sheathed until the blades are down.

 

List of the weapons I'll be using, some are from the game, altered as I've said and others are ones I've made up just for Necromorph slaying so yeah, figured I'd put this up while I work on chapter 1, remember it's a fanfic so I can make w.e the damn hell I please lol. I tried to keep it kind realistic though

[Dark_Angel13]

Chapter One- The Screams Begin!

The EDF cruiser flew swiftly through space as a large asteroid passed by the front of the ship, revealing Titan Station after its passing to the pilots inside whose eyes widen slightly, already able to see noticeable damage to the station, doing a quick scan of their landing area for signs of life and for air quality.

While the pilots continue their scans of the landing zone the team sits in the back of the cruiser. The team consisting of 6 members, 4 males and 2 females, all part of an elite group trained to fight Necromorphs in situations such as this one. This mission being the team’s first real assignment outside of training however and some of them are a little nervous.

 

The members sit in 6 seats, 3 on either side of the cruiser so they’re facing one another, their weapons on their laps or locked into place on the walls behind the seats for safe keeping. Some of the team using heavier weaponry so that has been stowed in those wall slots due to the sheer size of the weaponry.

The first team member to the left off the back of the ship is the leader, a sergeant Simmons. A survivor of the Ishimura Necromorph outbreak, having gotten out during the first few hours of the outbreak along with several other survivors and eventually take on board the EDF’s Necromorph Extermination Team or NET.

 

Simmons has firsthand experience of what a Necromorph outbreak is like and for that reason and many others has been made the team’s leader by the EDF, though others in the team often question his leadership in training simulations as he has almost gotten two members of the team killed before.

Simmons team name is Tex, a name given to him due to his birth place on Earth and that most people call him a cowboy when in the face of danger. Simmons is armed with an MC 26, a light weight short barrelled chain gun with a flashlight fixed to the underside, a SUT revolver and a LOK shotgun. 

 

His equipment and supplies also varies but is much the same as the other team members. Made up of tactical grenades, fragmentation grenades, med kits and other items needed for any situation they may encounter.

Simmons looked over his team then for a moment before closing his eyes, the pressure starting to get to him a little as he tries to calm down. One of the pilots speaking then over the intercom, explaining that they’re ready to land and are just waiting on the order from the EDF.

 

The other team members exchange looks then as Simmons stands up and pulls his weapon free from its holding slot, checking the magazine before looking at the others. “Get Ready” he exclaimed as he turned and faced the landing ramp of the ship which is currently in a closed position.

The rest of the team quickly picking up their equipment and weapons while Tex calms himself, sweat running down his brow as he rolls his neck a little and the helmet on his Heavy RIG suddenly builds up over his face, hiding it as they eyes glow blue.

 

 

The pilots in the cockpit quickly began the operations to land the ship inside Titan Station, opening a set of bay doors which they manoeuvre the ship into skilfully. The landing platform stained in blood and random luggage. This being a civilian ship landing area so many people coming and going were slain when the outbreak first broke out.

 

The ship hovers for a moment in the landing bay as several large spotlights on the ship flick on, lighting up the area as they look around for any signs of life. The scans having come up clean but they double check anyway, a Necromorph outbreak not something to be taken lightly.

After a few moments of surveying the site the ship lands, the loading ramp lowering then with a loud hydraulic noise as the team rushes out quickly, setting up a perimeter in the landing zone and placing down a mine field and several motion detectors, the air in here breathable as the rest of the team put their helmets on anyway.

 

Once the perimeter on the floor is up, two members of the team use thruster packs to hover up to the high ceiling of the landing bay, placing several motion sensors on the roof and several sticky proximity mines as well. The team knowing all too well that Necromorphs will find a way in no matter what.

The two team members land then as Tex points to another member in a heavy RIG, the man’s name Yoric Strasovsky or Dozer to the team. Simmons telling him to stay with the pilots and guard the ship as Dozer nods and rests his LOK shotgun on his shoulder, a missile launcher strapped to his back and a Divet sidearm at his side.

 

Simmons telling the team to check their ammo then and gear up as they do just that, the EDF coming up with several ways of altering ammo over the years to make it more effective against flesh and bone. Majority of ammo types used by the team made to shatter apart in a victim to cause more damage or to sever limbs completely with one direct shot.

 

Dozer pulls over a large crate then from a pile of luggage, sitting on it as his helmet comes down and he lights up a smoke. Getting settled in for what he would call “babysitting” the two pilots while the rest of the team moves onwards.

The young woman Kate in the team then moves over to Dozer and hands him a small computer pad which he straps onto his wrist, this pad showing the motion sensors scanning, and their dots coming up as blue on the scans while anything else will show up red, Dozer thanking her as he rests his shotgun on his lap.

 

Simmons looks at Kate then quickly and points to a security door off that room, speaking to her. “Get that door open Hacker”. The station in a form of lockdown due to the outbreak, Kate’s team name Hacker as she moves through the minefield easily and to the door.

The mines set to go off when something comes into proximity with them but have been programmed to recognize the team and the pilots. Any other survivors easy to be added to the list of accepted people, something even someone as technologically challenged as Dozer could handle.

 

Okay the first 2 pages of the first chapter. I intend to do about 10 pages per chapter, maybe 15 depending on how I feel. Anywayz this is kind of a roughish draft but enjoy it and I could use some constructive feedback on it from anyone willing to give me some =)

[† Emotional Outlet]

Okay, I will put some points down that I noticed on my first read-through. Let me know if you do not understand what I am saying.

• You chose a good spot to start the story--it is immediate (in media res) and a fine way to introduce the characters
  
• Resist the urge to explain / Assume the reader is smart enough to understand what is going on
  
  • Even though this is written from an omniscient POV, you shouldn't explain things like where Simmons gets his nickname or anything else the characters would normally take for granted
    
  • Like if you're just at the grocery store picking up some grapes and a loaf of bread, you're not going to be explaining to yourself the history of bread
    
  
  
• Ramp up the creepy atmosphere and slow down for some details, like the state of the landing platform
  
• It is somewhat unconventional, but I like the use of present tense, as it adds to the aforementioned immediacy, like an action movie
  
  • Be sure to maintain tense throughout
    
  
  

It's interesting so far~

[Dark_Angel13]

Thanks for the feedback and I'm glad I got some good points out of that lol. I don't know why I felt that I needed to explain Simmons lol and as for the atmosphere I do initially plan to add to that a lot more. I'm trying not to explain most things, that's why I put up the weapons list so I don't have to put that into the book and if someone wants to go and glance at a weapon they can. I've made a character sheet to refer back to so I may actually just put that up. So people can go and read a characters bio or w.e and I don't have to explain it so much

[† Emotional Outlet]

Haha, I figured. I tend towards the beige myself in my writing and I always get people telling me I need to be more descriptive. One day.

 

[Dark_Angel13]

Lol well I'll make sure to add to the gloomy nightmaric atmosphere that will be this fanfic. Also to clarify for those who are reading this I won't be putting Isaac into it as a character, he'll never meet the team at all nor will they likely even see one another

[Dark_Angel13]

Hacker quickly moved to the door then as ordered, tearing off the side panel and fiddling with the wires, reconnecting the circuit as the door suddenly opens and she stepped back quickly, covering her mouth and nose. The stench of blood and death overpowering as she almost vomits but manages to hold it back.

Hacker not having had her helmet up so she took in the stench, quickly putting it on when she doesn’t feel like she’s going to vomit. The rest of the team moves up behind her quickly then as they look into the long dark hall, several flickering lights hanging from the roof, some torn apart completely as there are bodies scattered all over.

 

An odd occurrence in an outbreak such as this since the bodies are often taken by the Necromorphs and changed into them. Hacker quickly stepped back from the door then as Tex and Spectre step into the dim hall. The hall gloomy and the air is thick, oxygen levels a little lower than usual as they’re informed by the team’s medic.

Tex glanced at his wrist comms then, it having a small touch screen that shows the readings of areas as well, it standard issue among them all as he orders the team to keep an eye on the oxygen levels before swallowing and speaking once more- “It’s time to face what we’ve all been training for, let’s not fuck this up”

 

Spectre ignores the team, having not come down this way to get to the landing pad as his gaze narrows a little, trying to see down the end of the dim hall but with no avail. Tex pushes past Spectre then suddenly, bringing him out of his slight daze as he follows the captain. Moving slowly down the hall the doors suddenly close behind them to the landing pad, making them all spin around as Hacker speaks. “It’s alright; I can get it open again on the way back”

The team simply turn back around then, a little more nervous now since that was their escape if things got too ugly. Moving down the hall they pass other bodies, some of which have started to change but the process seemed to of stopped as if the parasite within suddenly deemed the body unworthy.

 

Doc stops then to examine one of the bodies, looking it over thoroughly before beginning to touch it, its features deformed greatly which interests her as a scientist and doctor. Tex tells her to stop playing with it then as it suddenly comes to life and jumps on her, the mutation inside the body suddenly accelerating again as it starts to change into a Slasher.

The team panicking a little as Doc manages to push it off her and move away, the team empty rounds into it in a panic and chew through too much of their ammo.  Jin eventually steps forward then and draws one of his plasma blades, dismembering the forming limbs of the Slasher and killing it in the process. 

The other bodies in the hall start to change rapidly than like the first did, it some form of ambush tactic as the team moves into a position where they can wash the back and front, Tex quickly ordering them to aim for the limbs then as he remembers how to kill them properly, something that seemed to of slip their minds in their panicked state.

 

Once the few bodies in the hall have been dealt with Tex sends Jin to go and make sure they’re all deceased, Jin simply removing any remaining limbs of the Slashers and confirming they’re dead. Tex turning around then to face the end of the hall as the team moves a lot faster now, not finding bodies now but a lot of blood all over the place.

 

Parts of the ventilation systems have also been torn apart as if broken through by something that was either trying to get out or go in. Tex tells them to keep an eye on their surroundings then as he activates the team’s motion sensor then, it attached to his chain gun on the top and goes out like radar, showing any movement as red blips.

 

Moving down the long hall the team eventually comes out into a large open area, a kind of food court for tourists and whatnot. The area covered in debris, tables flipped over and blood staining almost everything, limbs and bits of bodies also scattered about, the people having been taken completely by surprise when the Outbreak broke out.

 

Having no warning or no evacuation plan to get out, many of the survivors headed deeper into the station, forced that way by the attacking Necromorphs who seemed to know exactly where the landing pads where and escape pods, not about to let anyone leave the station.

Tex quickly tells the team to place some mines down to block the hall they just came from as Jin goes about doing that with Hacker’s help. Spectre meanwhile moving over to flipped over table as he crouches and picks up a bloodstained stuffed rabbit, his helmet coming down as he sighs a little sadly and sets it down again.

 

Looking around the room he swallows a little as the team suddenly hear cries and ungodly screams from somewhere upstairs. Tex rushing up there quickly on his own as he tells the rest of the team to stay put and wait for his return.

Rushing upstairs Tex looked around quickly for the source of the screams, this area not as badly wrecked as downstairs as he moves along quickly when he hears the screams and cries again. Turning into one of the bathrooms then as he stops dead when he sees a woman backing away from four child Necromorphs, also known as The Pack.

 

Tex hesitated for a moment, having not faced many of these opponents in training simulations but that doesn’t stop him from suddenly opening fire on them and tearing them all apart with his weapon. The woman quickly crawling into a toilet stall when he does that to avoid the gunfire as best she can.

 

The Pack lets out cries and screams as they die, the team downstairs hearing them but they stay put like ordered. Tex checking the bathroom then for any other survivors or enemies with the motion sensor as he tells the woman it’s okay to come out.

 

The woman looks up at Tex then, in a bloodstained and torn dress, crying and then suddenly yells for him to get away from her, clearly in distress as he tries his best to calm her but it doesn’t work, she just keeps screaming and yelling at him. Tex informing her of the escape shuttle but she just ignores him from then on, forcing Tex to leave her behind as he comes downstairs, ignoring the teams questions about what happened as he reloads his weapon.

 

Two more pages, if this gets some feedback I'll post up more otherwise it won't be put up, hope you enjoy it =)

[† Emotional Outlet]

And then suddenly spooky stuff trying to kill them. Hope that lady makes it out okay. (She is probably going to die.)

[Dark_Angel13]

And then suddenly spooky stuff trying to kill them. Hope that lady makes it out okay. (She is probably going to die.)

Lol well it is dead space, it's often moments of silence suddenly filled with moments of complete horror and you might see what happens to her =P

[† Anras Rune]

I have an issue with this last chapter. I'm a little confused as to which tense you are supposed to be using at times. I mean, you are going for the omniscient third person POV, which normally goes with past tense. This could benefit maybe from a third person focus, as in a character that it focuses events around and maybe a little bit of a change in tense. For instance:

 

Hacker quickly moved to the door then as ordered, tearing off the side panel and fiddling with the wires, reconnecting the circuit as the door suddenly opens and she stepped back quickly, covering her mouth and nose. The stench of blood and death overpowering as she almost vomits but manages to hold it back.

Hacker not having had her helmet up so she took in the stench, quickly putting it on when she doesn’t feel like she’s going to vomit. The rest of the team moves up behind her quickly then as they look into the long dark hall, several flickering lights hanging from the roof, some torn apart completely as there are bodies scattered all over.

 

The bolded parts I'm using to illustrate what I mean. Both sentences and this entire paragraph, if done from Hacker's focus and in a past tense would maybe come off a bit better. Of course, this is just my opinion and this is your fan fiction. Just offering a bit of constructive criticism.

 

Otherwise it is good so far. EO is sooooo right, that woman is going to get gibbed.

[Dark_Angel13]

I'll take your critism into thought next time I post up and yeah you'll see what happens to the crazy lady

[† Emotional Outlet]

Ye, ye, I pointed out the tense changing partway through earlier. It seems to be a product of the unusual tense. I'd probably be doing the same thing, haha. I'd forget and just be like, "oh crap, I have to rewrite that entire chapter".

 

 

With all the head hopping, it seems like you'd rather write in first person or an intimate limited third. I like first person, it is just hard because I don't know how to make everyone sound different all the time, but you'd probably have better luck with it. POV is hard, I hope you find what works best for this story.

[† Anras Rune]

Ye, ye, I pointed out the tense changing partway through earlier. It seems to be a product of the unusual tense. I'd probably be doing the same thing, haha. I'd forget and just be like, "oh crap, I have to rewrite that entire chapter".

 

 

With all the head hopping, it seems like you'd rather write in first person or an intimate limited third. I like first person, it is just hard because I don't know how to make everyone sound different all the time, but you'd probably have better luck with it. POV is hard, I hope you find what works best for this story.

This! This is essentially what I was trying to get at. Third person generally has a, using EOs term, intimate focus. But the way you jump between focuses may be better suited to first person views; a bit like the source material. Or you could switch between the two different styles, which would, in truth, make it a whole lot more interesting. A bit like dead space 2.

 

In the games, you play first person (actually third person in gaming sense, but from a narrative point of view its first) but the cutscenes and the likes are third in its truest form. Hm. I'm not sure if I'm explaining myself properly...Australia day has not been kind to my liver in all...but yeah.

 

I know what I'm trying to say is, if you are doing this fan fiction on some pretty morbid source material then the best course of action is too try and keep some modicum of its feel. Meh, this is why I don't do fanfic. But as I said before, I'm enjoying it so far so keep it up.