Need Ideas for a Fanfic

[RikuoAmero]

Hey guys, I'm writing a fanfic based on a brain fart I had in another post.

http://forums.kametsu.com/showthread.php?p=194746#post194746

Long story short, I need ideas for the first Team Jiraiya in my fic. Jiraiya is the Jonin-sensei, and his squad is the Ame Orphans: Nagato, Konan and Yahiko. The time frame for my story is when Naruto is twelve, and by this point, Jiraiya is already dead (he was the one to seal Kyuubi). What I'd like is what sort of powers do the Orphans have at this point? They're all Jonin, the Leaf's most powerful squad (now that Tsunade is the last surviving member of the Sannin). Nagato in particular is the Fourth Hokage. Since Nagato is a good guy in this fic, he's never become Pain and has never used the Six Paths jutsu (except temporarily on enemy shinobi, he doesn't use it permanently like in canon. He's also completely mobile, still is able to walk with his original body)

Any artwork would be a bonus! Thanks in advance!

[shyguysteve]

the direction of the story doesn't change much, other then that naruto's dad could be still alive, and the akatsuki would have different figure heads, while tobi leads in the dark.

this makes a good start cause you could unravel smaller and smaller details about individual characters. like the 3 ame orphans came back with the sannin and how the sannin split up.

you can explain what happens when the sannin fight with hanzo shortly after they meet with the orphans.

even give the life of the ame orphans now having a new home, and becoming highly revered ninja during the years they could or could not have been all jonin up to the point nagato becomes hokage.

and how they made a relationship with the leaf after seeing the horrors of war and watching the leaf kill nagato's parents.

also how orochimaru might have tried experiments with nagato, as he does have the eyes of the great sage of six paths which could unlock many more jutsu for orochimarus thurst.

[RikuoAmero]

the direction of the story doesn't change much, other then that naruto's dad could be still alive, and the akatsuki would have different figure heads, while tobi leads in the dark.

this makes a good start cause you could unravel smaller and smaller details about individual characters. like the 3 ame orphans came back with the sannin and how the sannin split up.

you can explain what happens when the sannin fight with hanzo shortly after they meet with the orphans.

even give the life of the ame orphans now having a new home, and becoming highly revered ninja during the years they could or could not have been all jonin up to the point nagato becomes hokage.

and how they made a relationship with the leaf after seeing the horrors of war and watching the leaf kill nagato's parents.

also how orochimaru might have tried experiments with nagato, as he does have the eyes of the great sage of six paths which could unlock many more jutsu for orochimarus thurst.

Interesting what you wrote there. I honestly didn't think at all about Orochimaru: there is a possibility that he would experiment on Nagato...but not likely, given that Nagato would be training under Jiraiya the whole time.

As for the Akatsuki...I don't think they'd exist in my fanfic. It was the Orphans who founded it in the first place, although Tobi has said that he was the one who gave the idea in the first place. At least, if there is such a group, it would be a different group than what the Orphans did in canon (although, it might end up in the same place as canon, with missing-nin controlling it).

It always struck me as a plot hole: Jiraiya finds three orphans while in the midst of fighting a war and then decides to train them...for three years. Not only that, but apparently Sarutobi was alright with it. In my scenario, it makes sense, because he takes them back to Leaf.

If you want to help me write this, go ahead and write up a chapter or two. At most, I'll just beta it, and clean up any spelling/grammar mistakes I might find.

[shyguysteve]

I'm using the real story as a template, and was just spit balling.

though since you've reset the pieces of the story, who would have trained Minato? or if he should even be trained at all. following kakashi and the events involving the uchiha clan.

I have no trouble believing that jiraiya would stay in the village, do to the very reason he left was to find a worthy pupil to teach, after receiving word of the assumed death of the ame orphans from the original story.

if the story from the point of naruto still having the fox in him and nagato being hokage, this would greatly change the following events, chunin exams and the attack of orochimaru.

This on its own would make a great long series unlike an on going extensive confusing story of a thousand plots. But no real time to construct this, I'm just throwing ideas your way.

[RikuoAmero]

I'm using the real story as a template, and was just spit balling.

though since you've reset the pieces of the story, who would have trained Minato? or if he should even be trained at all. following kakashi and the events involving the uchiha clan.

I have no trouble believing that jiraiya would stay in the village, do to the very reason he left was to find a worthy pupil to teach, after receiving word of the assumed death of the ame orphans from the original story.

if the story from the point of naruto still having the fox in him and nagato being hokage, this would greatly change the following events, chunin exams and the attack of orochimaru.

This on its own would make a great long series unlike an on going extensive confusing story of a thousand plots. But no real time to construct this, I'm just throwing ideas your way.

No...canon Jiraiya never left the village to find a worthy pupil to teach. Timeline goes that he trains under Sarutobi, uses the Summoning Jutsu, goes to the Toads and learns Sage Jutsu, later on he and the other two Sannin fight Hanzo. He then trains the Orphans for three years and sometime after that goes back to the village and teaches Minato and two other Genin. After Minato's death, Orochimaru is exposed, Jiraiya goes after him, they fight, both survive, and Jiraiya spends the next ten or so years tracking Orochimaru down.

In my story, there's nothing stopping Jiraiya from teaching Minato.

[shyguysteve]

dude did you wiki that? reading it off wiki almost word for word.

Though, i watch the naruto series first part a lot the past week, in the anime it doesn't say jiraiya had thought of minato as the child of prophecy until i wiki'd it. but everything else is fairly accurate, jiraiya teaching a team in konoha and taking minato as his main apprentice.

anyway back to your fanfic, who then is bestowed the task of tracking down orochimaru until he reveals himself from the shadows?

wouldn't it be possible that the pupils meet and converse amongst one another, knowing that yahiko's personality is similar to the future naruto and nagato having the feelings of protection for loved ones. i don't know who is older minato or nagato but if nagato is older they could develop a relationship of sorts and nagato can teach him thing or two. also give the scenario of the 3rds surprise to learn of what jiraiya brings back to the village and then go into the the 3 sannin splitting apart and why the 2 good sannin deny almost all contact with the leaf.

also we see minato as an adult fighting in the war with his team kakashi and friends, how would this greatly change the war having nagato on their forces? and the relationship between villages. actually i don't know if this is possible cause of the time between jiaiya's journeys with the sannin during the war, and the time jiraiya had to train minato before or after the war.

and tsunade, she is a senju and their past is to be equal in strength with the uchiha, but she doesn't seem to hold anything in her abilities that would let us know she is a senju. i make a point of this and give her something more then just medical ninjutsu.

its late can't sleep and i dunno if its something to go on but give it a shot. or change whatever you want.

[RikuoAmero]

The way its written on the Naruto wiki site, Jiraiya taught the Orphans first, then it says "Later, when he had become a Jonin capable of leading a squad", he then taught Minato. So, there'd be a few years difference in age between Nagato and Minato.

If you've read the story as I've put it up so far, you may notice Yahiko calling Minato, Minato-Kohai. Kohai is a term in Japanese frequently used by a senior student talking to someone junior. Yahiko's older and in this story, wants to constantly remind Minato of the fact (even though they're both fully qualified Jonin).

When I replied to your "What if" thread, I wrote that it was Jiraiya who sealed the Fox. Since Orochimaru's exposure as a villain takes place after-ward, then obviously Jiraiya won't be around to confront him. Instead, I wrote in Minato, who, being the badass he is, would be able to kill Orochimaru...although maybe I'll just have Orochimaru escape. Minato wouldn't have the bonds of friendship that Jiraiya had with him, so wouldn't have held back.

One thing I'm thinking of doing is write the main storyline, which is about Naruto being a sensei at age twelve. Then, there'll be in-between chapters, in italics, that are basically telling the past. Yes, the Orphans would teach Minato a thing or two: Jiraiya won't have been the only person to teach him (just like Naruto's had eight sensei: Iruka, Mizuki, Ebisu, Kakashi, Jiraiya, Asuma, Yamato and Killer Bee in canon)

Timeline wise, the Second Ninja War is when the Sannin fought Hanzo. Then, there's a good few years between that and the Third Ninja War, which is when Minato and Kakashi (newly promoted Jonin) make their mark. So, there was plenty of peace-time for Jiraiya to train Minato.

Regarding Tsunade...this is something never fully explained. Hashirama Senju, the First Hokage, had the Wood Style jutsu and it was called a Kekkei Genkai, but strangely enough, no other Senju ever had it. However, the weirder thing is that Orochimaru was able to give the jutsu to Yamato and Danzo (and Madara gets it after fighting Hashirama) by using Hashirama's DNA. If the First's DNA can give you Wood Style Jutsu, then it would make sense for his children/grandchildren to have it, wouldn't it?

Personally, I like the thought that the Sannin all didn't have a Kekkei Genkai. They're just regular ninja, who through training, became the most powerful in the village. Contrast that with the Hyuuga and Uchiha, both Kekkei Genkei and even Itachi says he doesn't want to fight Jiraiya (although whether that was out of respect for Jiraiya's skills or whether Itachi didn't want to risk killing such a high ranking Leaf ninja is debatable).

[shyguysteve]

huh, i used to be called kouhei but that might have meant different.

so now you have something else to go on, where are you at in your fanfic?

oh and about itachi encountering jiraiya, it could have been a combination of both. If itachi was going to fight jiraiya it have to be an endurance match if they both went full power, and then itachi would probably lose gas first, as jiraiya would have knowledge of the stress using mangekyo sharingan has on the user since he knows kakashi. or he probably did not want to risk it at all, as he would have been so pushed to his limits he wouldn't be strong enough to face sasuke when he does. but jiraiya is considerably powerful, nagato admits he could not have won if jiraiya had figured out the secret behind pain sooner then when he did.

itachi's eyes are a flaw on their own, every encounter he has he seems to use his mangekyo sharingan every time, if he was suppose to have mastered it as a teen by using it numerous times at a young age he would be blind before fighting sasuke.

later we see sasuke only using mangekyo sharingan a handful of times and he was trying to make less use of it then itachi did, but was going blind faster, this could be of a couple of different reasons, because sasuke also does not rest long enough in between fights when he used the mangekyo sharingan.

Or because sasuke's mangekyo sharingan was given/ awakened by itachi through a different method. That might cause short term ue of mangekyo sharingan even if it enabled sasuke new powers over his brothers, like being able to put out the black flames, a skill itachi didn't seem to have.

[RikuoAmero]

jiraiya would have knowledge of the stress using mangekyo sharingan has on the user since he knows kakashi.

You're mistaken there, my good friend. Kakashi didn't awaken his Mangekyou until Shippuden/Part II, and the Jiraiya/Itachi encounter takes place in Part I. Although, its not impossible that Jiraiya could have known from another source (Hashirama and Sarutobi would more than likely have written a biography of Madara and included the fact he had a Mangekyou).

As for Itachi's eyes being a flaw...not really in my opinion. His introductory fight with Kakashi and the other Jonin, he wanted to end it as quickly as possible, so he used the one thing he knew would remove Kakashi from the situation. The only other time I can recall him using it off the top of my head is his fight against Sasuke - when he wanted to push Sasuke to his very limits, so yes, using Mangekyou was part of the plan.

The Naruto wiki site says that he mastered Sharingan at a young age - this means he got three tomoe in each eye (the commas in a Sharingan eye). He didn't get the Mangekyou until just before the Uchiha clan massacre. The regular Sharingan doesn't cause blindness: the Mangekyou does. Perhaps Itachi rarely used the Mangekyou between when he got it and when he attacks the Jonin (after all, he's one of the best ninja there is, so he'd only use Mangekyou when he absolutely has to).

As for Sasuke going blind rather quickly...it's a writers ploy. Kishimoto (and us the readers basically) want to see what happens when Sasuke gets his eye transplant. However, Sasuke would never think of doing that unless he was on the verge of blindness. So, he goes blind faster than what would be considered normal. I'm okay with it, because it doesn't violate anything previously written.

As for where I am, as of the time of writing this comment, I'm gonna tidy up my room a bit, then I'll write the next chapter. It might take me at most a few hours - the first one did!

[shyguysteve]

Well consider it, itachi's mangekyo sharingan is what gave him enough power to attack his own clan which are not easy fighting even if tobi had helped him. I imagine tobi instructs itachi on what he is now capable of but itachi would have more then likely used his mangekyo majority of the time when he was killing other uchiha. So it is hard to actually know how many times he has used it, but apparently he's used it enough to fully develop his 3 skills and hold within the 3rd two great spirit weapons. How many times could he have used it to be as skilled with it as he was?

I bring it up, so maybe you can shed some clarity over it in your fanfic.

also even though the 3 great eye jutsu' offer no risk to its users they still demand chakra, itachi and nagato never seemed to turn there eyes off unless forced by exhaustion.

[saminyt]

huh, i used to be called kouhei but that might have meant different.

so now you have something else to go on, where are you at in your fanfic?

oh and about itachi encountering jiraiya, it could have been a combination of both. If itachi was going to fight jiraiya it have to be an endurance match if they both went full power, and then itachi would probably lose gas first, as jiraiya would have knowledge of the stress using mangekyo sharingan has on the user since he knows kakashi. or he probably did not want to risk it at all, as he would have been so pushed to his limits he wouldn't be strong enough to face sasuke when he does. but jiraiya is considerably powerful, nagato admits he could not have won if jiraiya had figured out the secret behind pain sooner then when he did.

itachi's eyes are a flaw on their own, every encounter he has he seems to use his mangekyo sharingan every time, if he was suppose to have mastered it as a teen by using it numerous times at a young age he would be blind before fighting sasuke.

later we see sasuke only using mangekyo sharingan a handful of times and he was trying to make less use of it then itachi did, but was going blind faster, this could be of a couple of different reasons, because sasuke also does not rest long enough in between fights when he used the mangekyo sharingan.

Or because sasuke's mangekyo sharingan was given/ awakened by itachi through a different method. That might cause short term ue of mangekyo sharingan even if it enabled sasuke new powers over his brothers, like being able to put out the black flames, a skill itachi didn't seem to have.