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Primus - Thy Guided Hand


nemarious

Should I make the story a comedic parody of J-RPGs or leave it more serious?  

  1. 1. Should I make the story a comedic parody of J-RPGs or leave it more serious?

    • Yes - I'd love a good laugh
      3
    • No - I like my fiction serious
      1


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The game this was based on has now been restarted so this will be put on the backburner whilst I focus on the game. The story for the game was the basis for this anyway so if you want to know what happens check the game out.

Part One - "Alydra"

Part One A - "The Storm Before The Calm"

The cold water washed up my back once more. Its icy talons causing me to take a sharp intake of breath and working in contrast to the sun, still shining defiantly, backed by brooding storm clouds. It was only then that I noticed it was raining, the droplets splashing on my cheek. I opened my eyes, the pathetic, pallid light still hurting my eyes, causing a headache I didn’t know I had to flare back into life.

It seemed I was on a beach. I say seemed because I don’t remember getting there. The last thing I remember… I don’t know. I know my name. My name is Leni… Leni. Another wave washed over me, the water pouring through the cracks in my armour. Struggling, I got up onto my knees, then onto my feet. My hand went immediately to my forehead as another stab of pain forced its way into my mind.

I brushed the wet, golden sand off my face and out of my hair as best as I could. Rain continued to stream out of the sky into the sea and the small beach I was standing on, which soaked it up like an earthy sponge. I was wearing dark armour everywhere but on my head. It was accented by golden strips around the collar and across the midriff. My sabatons were crusted with sand and hadn’t been afforded the splendour the rain had blessed the rest of my armour with. I had a sword strapped around me by a belt. It had an enamelled pommel with a very dark blue gem, most likely a sapphire of some sort, and had dark leather wrapped around its hilt. The crossguard had a goldish hue as did the scabbards locket and chape. The rest of the scabbard was a jet black, matching my armours shade. My cloak was hanging loosely off one shoulder where it had fallen loose. I reaffixed it into place and brushed back my long fringe, as black if not darker than my armour, back from the one eye it covered and took another look around.

There were large palm trees leaning, steadfast, into the breeze that whipped around everything, causing my cloak to billow even whilst it remained in place around my neck. The beach wasn’t really much of a beach. It had, in fact, more in common with an island in that it was bordered by the sea wherever it had given up trying to stretch itself out. Even that, though, didn’t really accurately describe this wretched place as it was more of a sandy pathway, winding around and back onto itself, than it was an island.

Every now and then there were small rocks a little way out into the ocean which implied that this was a place that was often completely covered with water. It seemed I was lucky that I had somehow found myself here during low tide. Despite that fact, I had to find somewhere more stable as the rain was threatening to speed up the process by filling the ocean up.

I started walking, following the path round, trudging my feet through the sand. I had been walking about three minutes when a bizarre looking slimy creature accosted me. It was almost opaque, bordering on completely see-through but had a bluish tinge to its body, if you could call it that. Considering how little form it appeared to have, it packed a surprising punch. It seemed to be able to propel its lumpy form forward somehow and it prepared for another assault but this time I was ready and dodge it.

Drawing my sword from its scabbard, I sliced through the creature. I had no idea what damage this would do but it seemed to hurt it somehow as it recoiled a little bit. I took that knowledge with glee, taking the creature’s unease to strike again and again. It managed to dodge one of my attacks and I felt a thump hit my back but I managed to keep my balance. I swung round with my sword pointed down, low, towards the ground. I hit the thing in what must have been its vital parts as it just stopped and sort of… deflated for lack of a better word, to about two-thirds of its original size.

I stood there a moment, watching as the rain washed the gloop off my sword, falling away at the rainguard. A little of the gloop got onto my hand and found itself laying on a cut I must have obtained during the fight. I began to go to wipe it off but noticed the cut began to heal, the skin almost stitching itself back together. It seemed there was some kind of healing power this slime’s body had. Somehow, the slime seemed to have some kind of healing ability. It’s a shame it didn’t seem to want to work together as I would have then had a Priest in my party, or at least a healer of some fashion.

I felt some kind of bizarre warmth spreading to the extremities of my body. At first I thought the slime gloop had caused some side effects, particularly, in this case incontinence but I then realized this must have been what gaining experience felt like. The feeling disappeared as quickly as it came, but then I noticed there were some gold coins floating about an inch and a half off the ground. Ignoring the obvious conundrum of how a slime with no hands, or pockets for that matter, had managed to hold onto some gold coins, I picked them up but they disappeared. I looked around for them, thinking I had dropped them somehow. I then caught sight of a small pouch of some kind, attached on the opposite side of my belt which held my sword. Presumably, this was the ‘bag’ I was supposed to have. I didn’t know whether it had been there all the time or had just appeared when I picked up those coins. I opened the pouch and, as I had thought, the coins were nestled at the bottom.

I managed to take one whole step before another slime, identical to the first, appeared in front of me.

‘Random battles my arse’ I thought to myself, and began to slice at the creature.

My new found experience served me well and I managed to land a critical hit in the first attack. This seemed to do a lot more damage, causing the creature to recoil back, despite my swings being derived from the same form that had despatched the fiend’s twin not long ago. It was severely wounded but instead of doing the smart thing and running away, it continued to prepare itself for a strike. It launched itself at me but went in a completely different direction to what it should have, landing a way off to the left. I chuckled to myself and pounced on the creature before it got chance to turn around, vanquishing it.

I felt the warmth of experience gain once again, but at the height of it this time I felt a tickling pain, like pins and needles, everywhere in my body. Shocked, I began to lift off of the ground, up to about two feet. Then I noticed my body was changing. My biceps, and pectoral muscles grew very slightly and my abs pulled in a little bit. It struck me then that killing that last slime must have given me enough experience to level up! I just let the process go on after that revelation. It lasted about ten more seconds and I was then dumped back onto the wet sand.

‘I could get used to that’ I laughed, although the sound was drowned out by a clap of thunder following after its paired lightning bolt. The storm was getting worse, I needed to pick up my pace. Fortunately my agility had also increased during my level up and I began to run, slicing the randomly generated slimes leaping at me clean in two.

********************************

A while later the path opened up onto a much larger beach. It stretched for at least fifty feet either way. Strangely, the sand was littered with unusual objects that I had not seen anywhere else. There were broken barrels and smashed pots everywhere, bits of wood, torn clean in two. There was even a treasure chest there. I spotted one a while back, as I was making my way here but all it had in it was a piece of paper with a lightning bolt drawn on it. I didn’t know what to make of it but had figured that if someone had taken the trouble to hide it inside a chest than it must be useful for something. It only struck me now, as I remembered it that the idea of a treasure chest being found on the middle of an island gradually being washed away was strange…

Moving onto this treasure chest, I wondered whether there was something similar in it. The rain washed down of the front causing it to shine brightly, even more so when lightning flashed in the sky. I thought about making a Gollum reference due to the shininess of it but I was never very good at impressions so I thought better of it.

For some reason I couldn’t help but feel that this treasure chest would have something important of mine, like an itch that needed scratching. Besides that, whenever I tried to ignore it I got a burning pain through my body, as if the game maker had thinly veiled a plot event in a chest and was forcing me to open it to progress.

After opening the chest I picked up the small vials of red liquid and looked at the quizzically. Then, the player must have received a prompt because I knew that they were health potions. I raised them above my head and heard a strange sound effect. It didn’t really fit the theme of the game, besides I didn’t have a hat. I put all this behind me and struggled to fit the potions into what had originally been a small pouch. Every time I found a new item, the pouch grew to accommodate it but it wasn’t working this time. Instead, as I tried to ram them in for the fourth time, they got smaller and smaller. This confused me. Were they now concentrated? If I got them back out would they have a label saying,

“100% HP Potion (From Concentrate)”

I picked them back up out of the pouch but they returned to their previous size with no such label on. I figured the bag must grow according to how many items it contained which struck me as a clever feature as it would reduce constraints on a user’s hardware. I wondered whether I would be this proficient with technology if I wasn’t myself just a collection of variables representing other bits of meta but the thought made me ill so I decided to stop thinking about it.

Edited by Emotional Outlet
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Not bad. You have a lot of details, which is great. I'm interested to see a bit more of the character's personality as the story develops, because he's a bit bland right now. I'm sure he'll be more fun as he interacts with the world.

As for the spin of the story, why not both? Nobody is perfectly serious, and the world is a silly place, so even in the darkest of moments you can have some fun. Why not do both?

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Not bad. You have a lot of details, which is great. I'm interested to see a bit more of the character's personality as the story develops, because he's a bit bland right now. I'm sure he'll be more fun as he interacts with the world.

As for the spin of the story, why not both? Nobody is perfectly serious, and the world is a silly place, so even in the darkest of moments you can have some fun. Why not do both?

First of all, thanks for the feedback. As far as the Leni's "bland" personality that is in itself a joke. For the overall plot of the game he wasn't going to have any memory anyway but think about it. He's not going to have that much character right at the beginning because he's only just been created. As a few bits of binary information he won't have character straight away because that is the point of RPGs; they develop the character and world as they go along.

As for your second point. I quite agree with you. I could make the story more serious with only underlying, subtle jokes like with the blank slate - which I would prefer to "bland" :) - that is Leni when he has first been created but a lot of people, particularly those that don't play a lot of RPGs. On the other hand, I'm not going to be funny all of the time anyway. There's only so many jokes I can fit in because sometimes they're not going to be appropriate. I have plenty in mind, it's just finding place to fit them in.

To be honest with you I kind of stumbled upon that after I'd written and submitted the poll but there's no point taking it down now. I'll most likely just carry on as I would have and it'll be a mix of the two. I hope you continue to come back and enjoy what this develops into. It's quite a challenge trying to put yourself in the situation of a character inside of a game but it gives me something to think about.

I'd also like to take the opportunity to apologise for any typos or grammar errors that will almost definitely appear at some point. Writing this stuff out on my phone does take quite a while and makes it far harder to spot any such mistakes.

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Some more content for you guys, the few that come to this part of the site :) It follows on from the end of the last battle with Leni musing over what could have been as well as the introduction of the 'bag' and his first level up. Enjoy.

It seemed there was some kind of healing power this slime’s body had. Somehow, this slime seemed to have some kind of healing ability. It’s a shame it didn’t seem to want to work together as I would have then had a Priest in my party, or at least a healer of some fashion.

I felt some kind of bizarre warmth spreading to the extremities of my body. At first I thought the slime gloop had caused some side effects, particularly, in this case incontinence but I then realized this must have been what gaining experience felt like. The feeling disappeared as quickly as it came, but then I noticed there were some gold coins floating about an inch and a half off the ground. Ignoring the obvious conundrum of how a slime with no hands, or pockets for that matter, had managed to hold onto some gold coins, I picked them up but they disappeared. I looked around for them, thinking I had dropped them somehow. I then caught sight of a small pouch of some kind, attached on the opposite side of my belt which held my sword. Presumably, this was the ‘bag’ I was supposed to have. I didn’t know whether it had been there all the time or had just appeared when I picked up those coins. I opened the pouch and, as I had thought, the coins were nestled at the bottom.

I managed to take one whole step before another slime, identical to the first, appeared in front of me.

‘Random battles my arse’ I thought to myself, and began to slice at the creature.

My new found experience served me well and I managed to land a critical hit in the first attack. This seemed to do a lot more damage, causing the creature to recoil back, despite my swings being derived from the same form that had despatched the fiend’s twin not long ago. It was severely wounded but instead of doing the smart thing and running away, it continued to prepare itself for a strike. It launched itself at me but went in a completely different direction to what it should have, landing a way off to the left. I chuckled to myself and pounced on the creature before it got chance to turn around, vanquishing it.

I felt the warmth of experience gain once again, but at the height of it this time I felt a tickling pain, like pins and needles, everywhere in my body. Shocked, I began to lift off of the ground, up to about two feet. Then I noticed my body was changing. My biceps, and pectoral muscles grew very slightly and my abs pulled in a little bit. It struck me then that killing that last slime must have given me enough experience to level up! I just let the process go on after that revelation. It lasted about ten more seconds and I was then dumped back onto the wet sand.

‘I could get used to that’ I laughed, although the sound was drowned out by a clap of thunder following after its paired lightning bolt. The storm was getting worse, I needed to pick up my pace. Fortunately my agility had also increased during my level up and I began to run, slicing the randomly generated slimes leaping at me clean in two.

********************************

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Some more words and stuff for you. This part resumes after the break with Leni stumbling on another chest and thinking about his 'bag' and what it's like to be a bunch of variables.

A while later the path opened up onto a much larger beach. It stretched for at least fifty feet either way. Strangely, the sand was littered with unusual objects that I had not seen anywhere else. There were broken barrels and smashed pots everywhere, bits of wood, torn clean in two. There was even a treasure chest there. I spotted one a while back, as I was making my way here but all it had in it was a piece of paper with a lightning bolt drawn on it. I didn’t know what to make of it but had figured that if someone had taken the trouble to hide it inside a chest than it must be useful for something. It only struck me now, as I remembered it that the idea of a treasure chest being found on the middle of an island gradually being washed away was strange…

Moving onto this treasure chest, I wondered whether there was something similar in it. The rain washed down of the front causing it to shine brightly, even more so when lightning flashed in the sky. I thought about making a Gollum reference due to the shininess of it but I was never very good at impressions so I thought better of it.

For some reason I couldn’t help but feel that this treasure chest would have something important of mine, like an itch that needed scratching. Besides that, whenever I tried to ignore it I got a burning pain through my body, as if the game maker had thinly veiled a plot event in a chest and was forcing me to open it to progress.

After opening the chest I picked up the small vials of red liquid and looked at the quizzically. Then, the player must have received a prompt because I knew that they were health potions. I raised them above my head and heard a strange sound effect. It didn’t really fit the theme of the game, besides I didn’t have a hat. I put all this behind me and struggled to fit the potions into what had originally been a small pouch. Every time I found a new item, the pouch grew to accommodate it but it wasn’t working this time. Instead, as I tried to ram them in for the fourth time, they got smaller and smaller. This confused me. Were they now concentrated? If I got them back out would they have a label saying,

“100% HP Potion (From Concentrate)”

I picked them back up out of the pouch but they returned to their previous size with no such label on. I figured the bag must grow according to how many items it contained which struck me as a clever feature as it would reduce constraints on a user’s hardware. I wondered whether I would be this proficient with technology if I wasn’t myself just a collection of variables representing other bits of meta but the thought made me ill so I decided to stop thinking about it.

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