Anonymous Posted July 4, 2013 Report Share Posted July 4, 2013 (edited) Arduous Strugglesby Today, I feel myself slipping. It will happen soon enough. The feeling of ripping flesh is so..... Tantalizing. I try to fight it, but it is of no use. It will happen over and over, and I don't need help. Tomorrow he will be dead, I don't know him and I don't need to. I will live. No one can stop me. Soon, I also will die a victim of myself. We are one, and we don't want to stop. So tomorrow, I will be at peace and I will be able to sleep again. Stalking my prey like a lion in a concrete jungle so I will feast, soon I shall be whole. Soon I will sleep forever and I am not afraid. The prey runs but I am faster. With my metal beast, I pounce, and he is knocked down. I stuff him inside the trunk and head home back to my workshop. The chase was fun, but what comes next is much more so. In my workshop, I strap him in. Ready for what comes next, as he awakens his muffled shriek echoes through my head. The rush of his FEAR, it is delicious. I have waited so long for this. I sink in my knife into his flesh. He yelps, but it is only a flesh wound. I don't want it to be over that soon. He begs and pleads for his life, but it is pointless. He will die by my hand. "Why must I be the one to die." To this question, I have only one reply. I answer with another question, "Why not?" He cries out in FEAR. I love this feeling, the rush is real, it is irresistible. Finally, I sink the knife in for the last time. The room is silent. Nothing but me and my thoughts. I am at peace. Now I sleep. The mess can wait until tomorrow. Today I feel myself slipping it will happen soon, the feeling of ripping flesh is so..... Tantalizing. Sidenote Please rate and tell me how I could maybe make it better.Also this is a Short story I shall not add anything. Edited July 4, 2013 by Anonymous Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lemmingllama Posted July 4, 2013 Report Share Posted July 4, 2013 A very interesting piece, the concept is quite fun to read and I like how it loops. The pacing was also done in an excellent fashion. Sadly my inner literature enthusiast is screaming in pain at the run on sentences, lack of grammar where necessary, and the formatting isn't quite as pleasing to the eye as it could be. I know that this was done intentionally, but "I will live no one can stop me soon I also will die a victim of myself." and other such instances almost require a reread just to gather up all the thoughts bundled together in one small place. I guess that contemporary literature isn't exactly my forte. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Anonymous Posted July 4, 2013 Author Report Share Posted July 4, 2013 OK thanks for the feed back and I also have to say I did this in 30 minutes also it was random thoughts thrown into a story. Plus I have very little knowledge in how to format sentences and where punctuation should be as I barely have gotten C- in Grammar and a D+ in English. If you could teach me more about these I would be very appreciative. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Anonymous Posted July 4, 2013 Author Report Share Posted July 4, 2013 (edited) Fixed some things, edited the format, changed a part some people found confusing, and I added more correct punctuation. Edited July 4, 2013 by Apprentice Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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