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Wake

My Life Before and After [story]

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CHAPTER 1


 


 


What is my name? I can't seem to remember.... I walk around and people say hello to me and I wave and smile back, but I can't say I remember them at all. Most of them seem nice, but I just can't tell. I don't think I'm a good judge of character... at least I'm not now... maybe I was before; I don't remember.


 


* * * * *


 


“Hey Jay, how are you?”


 


“Doing good, just finishing up some English homework before heading off home... what about you?”


 


“Just wanted to check out some stuff for my history project”


 


“Cool... well good luck with it, I better be going.”


 


“Thanks; bye then.”


 


Conversations like that happen all the time for me. They are with people who seem genuinely nice and interested in me.... but it's not really me their interested in. They're interested in the person I was, not the person in front of them.


 


I stand from the table I'm at in the library and walk out of the room after gathering my things. I walk down the stairs and out the doors of the school.


 


“She seemed pretty,” A hand smacks against my backside... I turn to see Tony with a big grin on his face as he matches my walking pace beside me.


 


“I guess”


 


“You know her?”


 


“No, but I think she knew me...”


 


“Well that sucks man... you sure were a player weren't you?” He laughs really loud.


 


I look at him up and down and then sigh... maybe I was... maybe I just got along with girls. I really can't say.


 


“Well don't worry, don't worry. Hey, wanna stop off at the game center downtown and kill some time, I don't got anything to do this weekend and I'm sure you don't.”


 


I give a weak smile... even if I don't show much energy I still am so happy to have a friend right now that is here for me. “Sure man, sounds cool.”


 


 


End of Chapter 1


 


Notes:


I have maybe 40 to 50% of this story written, and have an idea of how the rest should go but kinda have had writers block the last 10 days or so... so maybe posting this up here might help me. My intention is to publish this at some point ounce I finish and flush it out as much as possible. I hope you guys enjoy. Genre is; drama, romance, if anyone is wondering.


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I'm liking this so far (If my opinion counts any). I really want to see where this goes. Glad you're working on something you care for Wake, keep going.


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i had a friend that writes, he would always ask me of my opinion on things and make me read his work and always elaborate on his ideas and always always do what he wanted nomatter my opinion. i can honestly say that as long as ive known him, hes never once finished any of his books (he will one day im sure of it(damn perfectionist lol)).


 


anyways with my experience of once being his friend i can tell you this, writers block goes away when you least expect it to, when you have writers block just relax and hang out with friends, play video games, or something not related to writing and ideas start to flow, atleast thats how his brain worked anyway. one of his tricks was to use music to set a certain mood he was trying to portray in his writings and start a improv conversation with himself and be the characters he was writing about(worked really good for dialogue).


 


i hope i helped =) oh and i would also love to read more, just that small clip has peaked my curiousity.


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but it's not really me their interested in. They're interested in the person I was, not the person in front of them.

 

Correct me if I am wrong, but shouldn't this be a they're? Anyways, good story so far. I look forward to some more dialogue or inner thoughts to find out who this main character is.

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hmm interesting first chapter. I'm curious, wondering why Jay feels the way he does. Keep it coming Wake, I'm a sucker for drama and romance. And don't worry about the writer's block, happens to us all, good luck.


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CHAPTER 2


 


 


“Hey you wanna watch the rest of this crappy movie? Or go to sleep... it's getting pretty late.”


 


“Movie... I don't know why, but I like it,” deciding to spend the night at Tony's house was a good idea... even if he has a crappy little TV in his room.


 


“Alright man, you can stay up and watch... I'm just gonna hop onto the bed and take a nap... you sleep on the floor when you decide to. I don't swing that way.” Big grin on his face. I stick out my tongue and turn back to the old vampire movie. I hear him flop onto his bed as I stretch out in the bean-bag on the floor.


 


* * * *


 


“Hey man, it's morning... wake up sleepy head...”


 


“I'm not asleep... your sleep... go wake yourself up first.”


 


“Ok... I really don't get your logic at all dude. Your really going to have to explain it to me sometime.”


 


“Later after you wake yourself up so you can go wake me up.”


 


“Now you really lost me...” I open my eyes without moving as he pulls the shades to his windows closed again and then walks back across the room to plop back onto his bed.


 


For someone who say he doesn't get what I'm saying he always understands just fine. Even when I don't get it myself sometimes. I smile at the thought of it.


 


“Want breakfast or something?” I hear his voice from muffled pillows.


 


“Yeah... gotta take my med's or....”


 


“Well, we got toast or burnt toast... which you want?” We both laugh. I get up from my sleeping bag and he gets off the bed as we both decide eating is warranted enough reason to get up on this seeming sunny Saturday morning.


 


“Parents leave already?”


 


“Yeah... talked to them, then they left to head to the airport around seven”


 


“Thought it seemed too early for you to normally be up.”


 


“Well it's not like I'll see them for a while, so I wanted to wish'em well and all that.”


 


“Yeah... I know... just teasing.” A long pause ensues for a few minutes as we both make toast and use what is left of the orange jam in the fridge, then make our way through eating.


 


* * * * *


 


“Sorry about before... I know you really don't like thinking about those kinds of things.”


 


“No worries Tony, you never have to tip toe around subjects like that... not you.”


 


“Well we each have are own messed up issues don't we my brother.” He laughs whole hardheadedly and then frowns. Looking like he's thinking too hard on a math problem he knows but can't quite remember how to solve. “You should call your parents?”


 


“Naa, it's fine... I left a note when I stopped at home to grab my things for the weekend.”


 


“Oh... ok.” I can see he still finds it hard. I like to keep my distance from my family because everytime they look at me they see what was and not what is and it hurts both me and them. And Tony cares so deeply for his family because he can't imagine losing someone else so close to him ever again without being able to say goodbye.


 


 


End of Chapter 2


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“Movie... I don't know why, but I like it,” deciding to spend the night at Tony's house was a good idea... even if he has a crappy little TV in his room.

 

“I'm not asleep... your sleep... go wake yourself up first.”

 

“Well we each have are own messed up issues don't we my brother.”

 

 

First one should be made into two seperate sentences. Second one should be you're with the way you use it. Third one should either be "our" or change sentence to be "well what we each have are messed up issues"

 

Still great, got slightly confused at the bit where they talk about parents leaving. Other than that, still intriguing. Hoping we learn some detail about who he was within a couple chapters. Keep up the good work!

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I'm having problems keeping the two voices separate, especially in that middle section of the second chapter. A few dialogue tags or action beats would be helpful, and build more of an environment. Right now you kind of have a "talking heads" situation going on. We have hints of what's going on as they talk (getting up to shut the shade, toast), but for the most part it sounds like they're kind of existing in a vacuum and talking to each other.


 


Also, was he sleeping in a sleeping bag on the beanbag chair? Or did he move from the beanbag to the sleeping bag? It's kind of a funny picture in my head to imagine someone in a sleeping bag curled up on a giant beanbag chair.


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CHAPTER 3


 


 


“Hey! You by yourself?”


 


I turn and see a girl around my age with long silver hair briskly walking to me. I stop so she can catch up to me, then we both start walking together down the long park path.


 


“You mind for some company?” she briskly asks as she comes beside me.


 


“I don't mind, but can't say I'm good at conversations...” I eye her up and down quickly before putting my eyes back on the sidewalk in front of me. Grey sweatpants and hoody, with her hair swooshed off to the right side as not to get caught up in the hood?


 


“That's fine... not too many people come out here in the morning, definitely not anyone our age.”


 


“I'm staying at a friends house right now so," Damnit... I sound so stupid right now, "I normally take walks closer to home.”


 


“Oh, is that so. Well then, if you ever need a walking buddy again, just let me know and I'd be happy to .” I glance beside me for a moment to see a small smile on her face. She looks almost pale white, without any kind of tan at all.


 


“Let you know?” Did I miss something?


 


“Yeah... you know, since we see each other in school and have a few classes together it's not hard to say hi if you want to.”


 


“Oh... wait... you; we go to the same school?” I just can't stop sounding stupid can I. I sigh to myself.


 


She laughs. “Yes we do. Remember I asked to borrow your pen yesterday in science and you without even glancing up from the worksheet dug through your bag and handed one to me. Then when class was over you were gone before I could give it back.


 


“Oh... that was you? Sorry, I don't really pay too much attention at school. Just kinda go through the motions you know.” I start to fidget a bit with my hands. For the life of me I can't remember where I normally have them.


 


“Yeah, that's easy to see,” She laughs again... a light laugh, almost like music to my ears.


 


A long pause goes by before either of us speaks again, but it seems nice just to have someone beside me walking and it seems she is enjoying her self as well.


 


I ask tentatively, “Do we know each other?”


 


“I told you we....”


 


“That's not what I mean,” Still pondering if I should even bring this up at all.


 


“...Oh," Her eyes seem to focus as she seems to understand what I mean,  "Yeah we did... not well I mean, but yeah, we did know each other. We used to talk in school. I hung out with you every now and again in middle school, but ounce high school started you and I didn't really get together anymore.”


 


“I see...” I would say I'm sorry but that would be pointless sympathy from a stranger plus that seems rude and I don't think she sees me as that person. Normally people wouldn't make a point to say they had a falling out with me if they wanted to talk to the old me. They'd say something about how I couldn't spend time with them because I was just so busy being a sports star and all but now their glad that we can talk like we used to. I don't get that vibe from her. It's more like she just wanted someone to talk to about the past with. It didn't have to be me.


 


“So am I much different?” I just realized I have no idea where this path is taking me; just how big is this freaking park.


 


“You mean from before?” A frown slightly comes across her face.


 


“Sorry I don't mean to be insensitive or anything. I just haven't been able to ask anyone outside of my family and my only friend didn't live here before I lost my memories so....” I say tentatively.


 


“Don't worry about it; yeah you are different. Quite a bit actually.” My ears perk up a bit as she says this.


 


“Oh, well then...,” maybe this was a bad idea. Not about asking her, but I start to worry if I'd actually want to know intimately how I was before.


 


“I really like you. The other guy was a jerk.” I look at her and she's watching her feet was we continue walking under the tall trees in the park on the sidewalk pathways. Her hair now covering her face a little as she is looking down. I can feel my cheeks heat up a bit on this cool morning.


 


“Thanks.”


 


 


End of Chapter 3


 


 


Notes:


Thanks again all for the constructive criticism, I do plan on working of some of the suggestions later, but thought I'd just put up another chapter for now. Did redo how it was written before for this chapter so hopefully it's a bit easier to follow the conversations on this one.


 


@Emotional Outlet


My thinking was the reader what be able to figure from late at night to morning part that in between that he just went to the sleep bag on the floor but maybe I should make it more clear that it was laid out or something the night before on the floor.

Edited by Wake
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Haha, I suppose I should have known that he moved in the middle of the night instead of sleeping in a bag on top of a beanbag chair. I think it's because it's the first time the sleeping bag was mentioned, so it feels like it just came out of nowhere. Also I'm probably illiterate, haha.


 


And yes, the conversations are a lot easier to follow!


 


That was such a backhanded compliment she gave him, haha. "I didn't like you before, but now that you've presumably lost your memories forever and had your very identity changed dramatically due to the loss, I totally like the new you!"


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I like the whole mood and the feel of it Wake. The girl seems like an interesting character. Never read a story about the main character losing their memory, looking forward to more!


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CHAPTER 4


 


 


“Long walk this morning?” Tony's voice echos through the apartment sounding like it's coming from his room.


 


“Yeah,” I yell back, “Got lost in the park, but it's fine." I start to take off my shoes at the door way,  "Just need to remember that the thing is like a forest with a sidewalk in there next time, that's all.” Tony laughs at my remark.


 


He pops his head out into the hall, “Sure is. How about we....”


 


* * * * *


 


“Hey the bell rang.” I hear a girls voice from behind me.


 


“Uh?” Pretending not to hear her.


 


“I said the bell rang, Jay!” She repeats raising her voice as she is walking towards me.


 


“Oh, sorry...” I look away from some papers in front of me that I'm currently hunched over working on.


 


“No need for that, just thought you would want to get out of here that's all.” I start to look around and see the last few others shuffling out into the hall and no teacher to be found. He's normally the first one wanting to escape.


 


“Why would you think that?” I ask innocently.


 


“Well isn't that assumed for any student? I mean what high schooler want's to stay after school?” She tries to say with an over amount of enthusiasm as she leans on a near by wall to my seat, which is to my right.


 


“I see what you mean... naa, I actually don't mind this place at all oddly enough. I mean when I think about it I should be annoyed with this place, but when everyone rushes out of here so fast after school is over and when it's all quite it's actually quite nice you know.”


 


“I see... heading up to the library then?” Her eyes almost sparkle as she knows that she just forced me into asking her about it.


 


“How'd you know?” I start to grumble a bit now at the thought of me being this easy to toy with.


 


“Don't you go there after school every day? I mean I see you walk that direction after every 7th period; isn't that where you go?” She pushes off from the wall and walks around behind me and flops over in the seat next to mine to my left.


 


“Yeah,” I sigh and turn my head back to what is looking more and more like homework now, “I like to finish my homework so I don't have to take it home.”


 


“Oh... so that's the reason?” She asks sounding genuinely curious.


 


“What you sound like I have other motives.” I feel a rye smile spreading across my face a bit.


 


“Maybe it's just me then; mind if I come with you?” She asks this in a very calming almost serene way, “I have some things to look for.”


 


“It's a free country Ashley, you can do what you want..” Her aura seems to sway me easily.


 


“Is that so.” She stands from her seat next to mine in the empty science room and picks up one of my textbooks, as do I the pick up the rest of them and we together start walking down the hall to the stair case. I'm not sure if I should feel trapped or amused by this.


 


“Don't like going home much do you Jay?” She asks this almost like the question it's self is breakable.


 


Normally I'd give a half-ass answer, but she truly sounds like she cares... that kind of annoys me in a different way however. “Nope.”


 


“Being too nosy?” I look at her as she says this and her nose wrinkles up a bit.


 


“Nope.”


 


“You weren't lying when you said you were bad at talking to others huh.” She giggles


 


“Nope.” I sound worse with honesty then my half baked answers. I sigh again.


 


“Well since you don't mind and I like talking, I shall be the gravitational center of making conversations of our little tandem then.” I raise my eyebrow realizing that she has a very amused look on her face right now. Can't say I feel any differently from her though. Who knew Mondays could feel this pleasant.


 


 


End of Chapter 4


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"I feel a rye smile spreading across my face a bit."


 


I think you meant "wry", not "rye". Unless he's got a thing for grains--bread is pretty tasty.


 


I like seeing the dynamic between Jay (I would forget his name if she didn't say it) and Ashley, can't wait to see more~


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