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These are the gifts I made for people in the Homestuck Secret Santa. They're all varying lengths, ratings, and quality (mostly closer to "sucks" than "good"). I haven't written fan fiction in, like, forever, so I have no idea how to write characters that aren't out of character, whoops.

I'll split these into two separate posts once the time limit goes by and leave it at four and four each, unless anyone would rather them all in their own post.

And if you think any of my ratings or summaries are bunk after reading, let me know and I'll adjust accordingly.


Summary: Kanaya waits for Rose to show up.
Rating: K

There was surprisingly little to busy herself with, even in the confines of the common area where various piles of things had accumulated, apparently growing with each day that passed. Kanaya rubbed her bare arms, pursing her lips as she looked around the room, her eyes darting to the doorways every few seconds. Every little sound set her at edge, ready to spring from her seat. It never failed to disappoint.

Kanaya decided it was time once again to take count of the various books left lying around. Pile after pile, left haphazardly on almost every available surface that wasn’t occupied by some other pile of objects. Cleanliness never seemed to be much of a priority on the meteor, nor did any sort of coordination when it came to the rugs, but that she could forgive. At the least it made the place feel like a home and less of a laboratory, though some had been worn so thin they did nothing against the hard metal beneath.

Rose still hadn't arrived. How much time had passed? She tried not to think of it, but the ticking of the clock behind her tempted her into turning around. An hour. Sixty minutes. Second after second come and gone. Kanaya had spent that time on the sofa, crossing and uncrossing her legs, flipping through the occasional book, arranging and rearranging bottles.

After the passage of an hour, she supposed it was high time to admit to herself something was wrong. Not that it made much sense. Rose had been the one to set everything up and she certainly wasn’t the type to be so tardy, especially for an event of her own planning.

At first she thought nothing of it as she got dressed, slipping on her daily attire. If Rose hadn't bothered with furnishing any details, she couldn't have been planning anything out of the ordinary. Doubt sank in as she thought of her first interactions with Rose, of the work she put into understanding human sarcasm in order to have some semblance of a conversation. It never stopped being puzzling to her, the things Rose said and did. Dave was equally puzzling, but he was easy to ignore as long as he kept his voice down--which he so often did--and didn't cross paths with Karkat--which seemed to happen less and less.

Kanaya adjusted her skirt, vaguely unsatisfied with what she put on. She had picked through the rest of her clothing, trying to decide exactly what Rose meant. Was it a date? Was it part of her romantic machinations? And what if it wasn't? Kanaya put aside thoughts of wearing nicer apparel--it would be easier to explain being underdressed than overdressed.

And yet here she was on the sofa in casual attire, trying to convince herself she had made the right choice. She leant back, letting out a slow breath as she stared at the ceiling, willing it to offer her something in the way of answers. From her vantage point she could see part of the clock. Kanaya watched the second hand move along its predestined path, step by step, pausing at every hash mark. She watched until the clock rang, signalling the top of the hour.

Worse, it signalled she had been staring at the clock for almost fifteen minutes.

She crossed her arms, huffing slightly. Why would Rose take so long to show up? Perhaps this was not where they were supposed to meet? Perhaps it was an elaborate ruse, to see just how much she was willing to put up with? It wasn't as though the meteor was particularly large. It wouldn't take much time to get up and look, for Rose to poke her head in and ask for a bit of time as she got ready.

Of course, Kanaya had considered doing the same herself. It wouldn't be fair if she didn't. But what if she got up to look for Rose and they ended up just missing each other, doing so for the duration of the search? Such contrived shenanigans seemed to be the norm, even before she met Rose, before she knew what a human was.

Not that it explained what was taking so long. If Rose was looking for her, she surely would have come across her sitting in the common room. Granted, she might have caught her trying out various seating positions and, more embarrassingly, facial expressions. For what felt like hours, Kanaya thought she would practise holding conversations with Rose, running through different scenarios. She mouthed words, scripting her responses and actions for when Rose finally arrived. And when she tired of that, she flopped onto the couch, her arm across her eyes, and tried to nap. It wasn't much of a success. She got up almost immediately from her attempted nap, spending the next block of time fixing her hair and taming rebellious strands.

Frustrating. Absolutely frustrating. To sit there for--Kanaya turned to look at the clock, rolling her eyes as she settled back into position--to sit there for two and a half hours and not even be afforded the simple respect of being informed of what was going on. Just frustrating.

She got up from the couch, hands balled into fists as she stormed across the room. Heat rose in her face, every single step taken carefully and purposefully.

Something stopped her from crossing the doorway, from stepping over the threshold.

Kanaya thought of the way Rose looked when she set up the whole thing. She remembered the faintest hints in her expressions, the little quirks that betrayed her confidence, telling her that Rose was nervous--perhaps even afraid of rejection.

Letting out a calming breath, Kanaya loosened her hands. She stretched her fingers, examining them briefly. Something simply must have gone wrong. That's all there was to it. It just wasn't like Rose to be so late, regardless of the intended purpose of the meeting.

Her mind clearer, she stepped through the doorway.


Summary: Kanaya makes a dress for Rose while Porrim tries to pry information from her.
Rating: T
Warnings: Hints at ectoincest.

Kanaya pinned a bit of green ribbon at the waist of a dusty pink dress, smoothing it against the fabric. "What do you think of this?" She moved to the side, pushing aside a basket of various fabrics, ribbons, and scissors with her foot, allowing Porrim to view the dress in full.

She looked up from her book, a scandalous bit of blackrom literature she had plucked out of Karkat's collection. "This for Rose?" She stood from the chaise, slipping in her bookmark to keep her place, and approached Kanaya.

"Perhaps," she replied, looking down at the dress. The faintest hint of uncertainty crossed her face, gone as soon as it came. "I have not yet finalised the design. If nothing else, it will be good practise."

Porrim placed a hand at her waist, the other tapping her chin as she examined the dress, walking around the mannequin slowly. "A lighter green may be in order." She bent by the basket, pushing around bits of yarn and spools of thread before pulling out a length of green ribbon, a few shades lighter than the one already pinned to the dress. With a slight grunt, Porrim stood, straightening her dress, before wrapping the ribbon around the mannequin. "What do you make of this colour?"

"I will consider it." She smiled, unpinning the current ribbon and setting it back in the basket along with the ribbon Porrim picked out. "I think it time for me to take a break."

"It seems you're almost done with the dress."


"No need to doubt yourself," she said, placing a hand on Kanaya's shoulder, a smile crossing her lips. "Rose will appreciate any gift you give her. I hear she almost stood you up. How did your date turn out?"

Kanaya cleared her throat and turned away, busying herself with organising the various yards of fabric. Porrim chuckled, settling back into the chaise, picking up her book. She cracked it open, scanning the text briefly for her spot.

"'I can do this no longer', she shouted. Dark blood spilt from her lip, a delicious shade of chocolate." She paused, watching for Kanaya's reaction. When Kanaya simply continued to move around fabrics, Porrim resumed, "She threw her against the wall, her forearm pressing against her throat. The highblood laughed, pressing her knee between her assailant's legs, drops of blood staining the fabric of her--"

A sudden clatter from across the room broke Porrim's pace, taking her attention from the book. Kanaya was staring, a ball of multicoloured yarn in each hand. "Must you read that aloud?"

"Is it bothering you?" The corner of her mouth lifted into a smirk as she stretched her legs on the chaise, the book dangling from her hand as she met the other's gaze. "I thought you liked these."

"I enjoy them privately."

"Oh?" Porrim arched a brow, swinging her legs off the chaise and stood, leaving the book forgotten on the seat. "I'm not allowed to share in this enjoyment with you?" She approached and stood over her, knowing her presence was still one Kanaya found somewhat imposing. She lowered her voice, taking the yarn from Kanaya's hands, tossing them into a nearby basket. "Does Rose know you, ah, enjoy such literature alone?"

Kanaya bit her lip, looking away from her dancestor. "We have our boundaries."

"What need have you for boundaries about literature?" Porrim took Kanaya's chin in her hand, turning her face towards her. "Do you also regard her with this sort of trepidation or am I the lone benefactor of such behaviour?"

Silence passed between them, little heard aside from their breathing, the shuffling of fabric as they shifted position. "This is uncomfortable," Kanaya said finally, trying to move back from Porrim, as though she were attempting to disappear into the fabric. "It's really none of your business."

"I'm simply looking out for you, Kanaya. There's no need to be shy. I'm sure Rose is--" She halted, a devious smile crossing her lips. "Perhaps we could do a bit of roleplay."

"Roleplay what?"

"Oh, come on, you know. I'll pretend to be Rose and we'll practise how your first time will go about." Kanaya began to shake--Porrim wasn't sure at first if it was from anger or something else until a laugh escaped her lips, allowing her to relax slightly. "Don't laugh. It'll be good practise."

"Porrim, I'm not having sex with you--"

"I can't believe you would even say such a thing--"

"--I don't think Rose would even appreciate it--"

"--as though I were some sort of village two-wheeled device--"

"--it's just not proper--"

No longer interesting in trying to speaking over her, Porrim grabbed Kanaya by the shoulders, pulling her back towards the chaise, and sat her down, pushing aside the book. She took a seat beside her, smoothing the fabric of her dress over her knees.

Porrim began to tie up her hair, pulling it off her shoulders, with a bit of ribbon. "Now, let's begin."

"I said I'm not--"

"Calm down, Kanaya. We're not going to have sex. I just want to help you get over your nervousness." She patted her dancestor on the knee, taking care to make it as amicable a gesture as possible. "It's for the best. We wouldn't want you to freeze up and lose control of the situation, would we?" Porrim smiled brightly, waiting for a response.

Kanaya let out a breath, scratching her neck at the edge of her hair. "Very well." She took Porrim's hands in hers, intertwining their fingers. She looked at her fingers, admiring how neat her nails were kept, the way Porrim’s fingers pressed against hers. "Rose,” she said, her voice quiet, “I think things are moving entirely too quickly, and we should proceed with caution."

Porrim rolled her eyes and leant towards Kanaya, parting her lips slightly. "I don't think we're moving too quickly at all." She took her hand from Kanaya's and cupped her face, running her thumb across her cheek. "I'm ready for this, Kanaya. Very much so."

She sat frozen on the chaise, staring into Porrim's eyes, trying not to look at the way her fangs ever so slightly poked out between her lips, the way her piercings glimmered in the light. She tried not to imagine where the swirls of her tattoos went, if they led to delightfully forbidden places. She tried not to imagine perching Rose between them, kept her mind from considering if that would be a far better gift than a simple dress.

Porrim tapped her cheek, bringing her out of her thoughts. "Kanaya? Are you okay?"

She smiled and nodded, pulling Porrim's hand from her cheek. "I'm very much okay. And I'm very much certain we're not ready for this." She leant forward, pressing Porrim against the chaise's armrest, pressing her lips against hers. Her hand trailed along Porrim's hip as they kissed, pulling up the fabric of her dress slightly.

Kanaya pulled away, still smiling. "I think that's break enough," she said, and stood, returning to her work at the mannequin and leaving Porrim to resume her reading.

Game Night

Summary: Board games always seem more fun in retrospect than in reality. Dave, Karkat, and Rose try to pass the time on the meteor.
Rating: T

Game night was an awful idea.

For one, the game they were playing right now was entirely too complicated, but if they played yet another round of Chutes and Ladders, Dave was going to seriously consider asking Kanaya to teach him how to sew. At least that would have been a productive use of his time, and while he would never craft a smuppet--nor would he want to--he could make at least some SBaHJ capes.

It was called Arkham Horror, a game Rose remembered playing some time ago. Through a series of carefully coordinated shenanigans, they managed to procure a bounty of board games. Karkat didn't care much for the cooperative games, instead thriving on competition. Rose, on the other hand, enjoyed finding ways to bend the rules, making dubious moves that aggravated both Dave and Karkat.

"Rose, where does it say in the rules you can reroll? Is that some kind of lesbian power your character has?" Dave flipped through the manual, more halfheartedly than anything. Rose was always the ones who read the rules, leaving the other two at her mercy. "I'm pretty sure if you're fighting against Cthulhu himself, he's not going to dodge an attack and just be like, 'oh, you want a redo? Okay, why the fuck not, I'm only a timeless and immortal god. I got nothing but time, bro'."

"It's well within my right to reroll," she said simply, rolling her dice. "We would not have ended up in this situation had you not been so foolhardy the entire game and continuously found yourself lost in time and space."

"Some god you turned out to be." Karkat chuckled, picking up the card containing the Elder One's information. "If you had listened to me from the start, we wouldn't have a metric fuckton of gates open, waking up this asshole." He tapped his chin with the card, looking up at the ceiling with narrowed eyes. "It's all beginning to sound very familiar, actually." A die thrown at his head brought his attention back to Dave.

"Because your suggestions were bogus, Karkat. My guy wouldn't spend his time cowering in fear from some eldritch abominations. He'd get right in there and use his whip to make them feel emasculated. Whips and guns trump tentacles."

"You say this with such certainty, such familiarity with tentacled creatures. And yet here we are, having our collective asses handed to us by the Elder One. Regardless, it seems we have lost the battle for all of mankind yet again. I think you'll find that when it comes to losing these games, we are simply the best there is."

Karkat rolled his eyes, shoving the cards and pieces laid out before him onto the game board, knocking over their characters. "Can we play something that isn't a complete waste of our time? Is there nothing in there actually worth playing, something that isn't so complicated it takes hours to learn and even longer to appreciate?"

"Let me look," Dave said, pushing around boxes. "Monopoly again? No way." He tossed the box aside, the lid lifting as it landed, revealing the mess of paper money and cards within. "What about this one?"

"Dixit? Hand me the instructions." She took the booklet, smoothing her robes as she settled back into position. As she read, Karkat and Dave flipped through the cards.

"Is there something in particular about your alien society that finds these kinds of things amusing?" He held up a card, portraying two armoured ants atop a stack of gold coins, attacking each other with swords in their mandibles. "I mean, look at these things, they're absolutely fucking incomprehensible. I might actually prefer to continue to have my ass handed to me in that horrorterror game than do whatever this wretched excuse of a game expects me to do."

Rose set the booklet down and collected the cards, shuffling them and handing a small stack each to Dave and Karkat, taking one for herself as well. She set the remaining cards aside. "It appears all you have to do is construct a sentence about one of your cards."

"A storytelling game?" Dave got up and started poking through the pile of board games, pushing them aside as he dug deeper. "Never mind, put the game back. I think I can find something cooler than this..."

"No, no!" Karkat slapped his hand on the ground, glaring at Dave. "Sit your ass down because we are playing this game. We played everything else in that awful pile."

"Jegus, dude, okay." He complied, exchanging looks with his sister. "Didn't think you were into these rabbits so much." He picked up the small wooden rabbit, holding it between two fingers. "You got these things on Alternia? In human culture, these little guys lay eggs filled with baby rabbits and hide them in bushes and trees from predators. When they're born they're made of chocolate, so kids go hunting for them so they can eat them."

Karkat scowled, picking a different coloured rabbit. "That is the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard of, and I've heard more than enough ridiculous things in the miserable, worthless sweeps I have existed."

"It's absolutely factual, Karkat," Rose said, smiling. "It was originally something of a religious practice as people once thought consuming these chocolate bunnies would bring them closer to Jegus, but eventually the practice had become so widespread, they had to ban people from hunting these Easter eggs."

"Whatever, let's just play this idiotic game and get it over with."

"Very well. As I said, you construct a sentence about one of your images. Then you select two cards from your hand, collecting two cards from the others. The other two players will also choose two cards they think are represented best by your sentence. Then the cards are displayed and players, excluding the storyteller, vote with these tokens here..." She paused to hand them small disks, coloured to match their rabbit pieces. "... on which one you think is the card initially chosen. Points will be distributed accordingly. The first to reach the end of this path wins the game, and, presumably, all of the chocolate bunnies."

"Wait, are we playing as rabbits or are we wearing rabbit costumes? Because I don't know if I'm down with rabbit cannibalism, even if their babies are completely delicious."

"They're wooden pieces! They're not even real! Just start the game, Rose, before I completely lose my shit." Karkat heard Dave mutter something under his breath, shooting a glare in his direction but said nothing.

Dave flipped through his cards briefly before setting them down. "Hey man, I just want to be sure what the story is here. I think we all learned an important lesson about storytelling when we played Arabian Nights."

"Yeah, the lesson we learnt was you're an absolute failure at reading aloud. Even when you did manage to keep your voice loud enough to hear, you rewrote the whole thing on the spot and turned it into one of your ridiculous raps."

"I happened to think they added to the story. Scheherazade could have learned a thing or two about staying alive if she just knew how to drop a beat. It wouldn’t have taken her a thousand nights to convince her murderous husband not to kill her."

Rose chuckled, arranging her cards in her hand as she spoke. "I believe her husband would have responded by dropping a sword in her chest, dear brother."

"See, Rose agrees with me!"

"Oh, don't get me wrong, Karkat. While I believe that Shahryar would not have been cultured enough to appreciate the sicknasty beats his thousandth wife would have surely dropped, it did add a certain flair to the game itself. I especially appreciated when he would tell us in rhyme exactly what happened between Sinbad and the various jinn he encountered. What was it again? I believe there was something about large blue phalluses..."

Karkat threw the cards in the air, getting up. "I am not listening to this again!" He crossed the playing area, passing between Rose and Dave, throwing himself into the pile of board games. "I'm taking a nap."

Dave lifted a brow, the corner of his mouth quirking. "Right there?"

"Of course right here, numbskull." He curled into himself, using Apples to Apples to rest his head upon as he closed his eyes. "What do you think I'm doing? These games are exhausting. You two are exhausting. Therefore, I am exhausted and would appreciate it if you all just left me alone."

Rose and Dave exchanged glances, conspiratorial smiles crossing their faces. Without warning, they leapt into the pile with Karkat, sandwiching him between them. Rose adjusted her robes, leaning back on the boxes, resting her feet on Karkat's legs. "Yes," she said, shutting her eyes, "I can definitely go for a nap as well. Brilliant idea, Karkat."

Karkat growled as he bunched up Dave's cape, using it as a cushion between his head and the box. He shut his eyes again, nuzzling his head against Dave’s armpit. "Don't think this means we can have any feelings jams here. I’m just trying to sleep."

Dave gasped, slapping Karkat on the arm. "I'm offended. I think I would be a better pale bro than your juggalo bro. My sick fires definitely overwhelm his miracles, not to mention--"

"Strider,” he warned, cracking an eye open. “If you don't stop talking, I'm going to shove a card game right up your--"

"Fair enough, dude. Catch your forty winks."

They curled up together, making the occasional snarky remark as they got comfortable, or as much as they could on a pile of rectangular cardboard boxes, some sturdier than others. Once they settled in, breathing began to slow, thoughts began to fade away, and they fell asleep.

Game night was a resounding success.

A Moment

Summary: Dave and Jade are out hunting for frogs and take a break.
Rating: M
Warnings: Non-explicit sexual encounter.

It was little more than a moment. A break from all that frog breeding. A chance to breathe. Or at least it was supposed to be.

The environment was less than picturesque since the Forge had just been stoked, melting the snow nearby, forming muddy puddles. Defrosted frogs went about their business, perhaps to resume business left unfinished since being frozen. It wouldn't be long before the whole planet warmed up, meaning more frogs would be hopping around the place, flopping around in the melted snow, leaping into the farthest branches of the trees.

Jade was wearing her 3 AM dress, a somewhat odd choice of fashion given the occasion--perhaps she wore in anticipation for the warmth from the Forge. Either way, Dave hoped she wouldn't notice his looking, the way he stole frequent glances, admiring the way her shoulders and clavicles stood in such stark contrast to the black of her dress. It didn't help either that the fabric was eye-catching, that it hung quite nicely around her hips.

A frog in each hand, he approached, tapping her on the shoulder. She was crouched near a tree, trying to coax a frog from its hiding spot amongst the roots. Jade waved a hand, intent on retrieving the frog.

"He'll come out eventually," he said, kneeling beside her.

"I hope so." She moved away from the tangled mess of roots and looked at the frogs Dave had brought her. "What are you still doing with those?"

He shrugged, letting the frogs go. They hopped towards the roots, apparently serving as reason enough for the frog already in there to come out. Jade snatched it, smiling triumphantly. Then, with a pat on its head, she let the frog go, waving goodbye to the little amphibian.

Dave stood, offering a hand to Jade. She got to her feet, smoothing her dress. "How much more of this do we have to do? Not that I don’t love harassing random frogs, but they’re terrible wordsmiths."

She lifted her shoulders. "We'll know when we finish. Kanaya seemed certain of that." She let out a breath, seeming to deflate.

"You okay?" He placed his hands on her shoulders, trying not to squeeze too tightly or make it obvious the effect her bare skin was having on him. "I'm sure we'll finish. They don’t have to rap with me, it’s cool."

"No, it's not that," she said, the corner of her mouth lifting into a half smile. "I guess I'm feeling tired. And a little cold." Jade lowered her gaze, the smile falling from her lips.

"Oh." Dave fidgeted, giving her shoulders a slight squeeze. "Do you need a jacket?" She shook her head, but offered little else in the way of response. Her hair fell over her face, catching on her glasses. "I don't--"

She looked up and in a single movement threw her arms about his neck, kissing him. Dave stumbled backwards, tripping over his feet as he brought Jade down with him, landing on the snow with a thud. His hands rested awkwardly at his sides, fists full of snow, as Jade let out a shaky breath, now splayed atop him. Instead of getting up or pushing away from him, she propped her head up on her hand, smiling.

"What, you've never been kissed before?"

He cleared his throat, releasing the snow from his grip. "You didn't seem too sure yourself."

"I'm not the reason we're on the ground now." Jade tapped his nose, chuckling. "What are you so nervous about anyway?"

Dave took a breath and pushed Jade onto her back. He leant over her, suddenly at a loss as he stared down at her, propped up on his arms. She looked up at him with a bright expectant look, an almost amused expression, her dark hair flecked with snow. He adjusted his sunglasses and cupped her face in one hand as he kissed her. The arm supporting him began to shake as he felt heat rise in his cheeks, his stomach pulling into knots; he broke the kiss, letting his hand drop back to the ground.

"That's a start." Jade laughed, clasping her hands together behind his neck. "What are you thinking about?"

"Spent all this time before acting all coy, knowing when things were going to happen before they did, and now you can't even guess what I’m thinking?"

"This is different."

"Here," he said, taking one of her hands from his neck and pressing it to his chest. "Can you feel that? Tell me what you think I got on my mind." Jade's hand lingered even after he let go to maintain his balance, the weakness in his arms becoming more and more noticeable. His heartbeat pounded in his ears, bringing his breathing out of rhythm right along with it.

She lifted her knees, the fabric of her dress pulling back as she planted her feet on the ground, her leg brushing up against Dave's. He swore he felt his heart skip a few beats before resuming its frenzied pace.

Jade pulled him down, pressing their foreheads together as he lay atop her, her breath warm on his skin as she spoke. "That was cheesy, Dave."

He let a few moments pass before he replied, hoping his throat wouldn't betray him and stick. "I think you're just too embarrassed to admit it worked on you."

Jade offered him a broad grin, reaching for his hand. She pushed him up a bit and brought his hand to her chest, nestling it between her breasts. "Do you think you can tell me what I'm thinking of?" she asked, letting go.

For several seconds, Dave was at a loss as his hand rested on her, his fingertips brushing against exposed flesh, the gauzy fabric beneath his palm almost too much to bear. Jade took his hand again, moving it atop her breast, pressing her fingers against his.

"What am I thinking about now?" Her voice was soft, almost inaudible.

Unwilling to let her take control of the situation, Dave moved his hand away, reaching back for her legs, trailing a cold hand down her thigh, considerably warmer than his fingers were.

"What am I thinking about?" he repeated back to her, trying to keep a straight face. He could feel his mouth quivering, his throat catching his every breath. She giggled, squeezing his hand between her legs.

Jade let out a breath and closed her eyes, the smile falling from her face as Dave ventured further. He nestled against her neck, burying his nose in her hair, unable to handle looking at Jade’s expressions any longer, the way her lips parted, the way her eyelids fluttered at the behest of his touch.

A nearby ribbit, loud and cacophonous, broke the quiet. Dave's fingers, warm and twitchy, froze against Jade's skin, the slick fabric he had pushed aside now sliding back into place. The frog leapt away, seemingly content with having ruined the moment.

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Summary: Roxy helps Jane blow off a little steam while helping her prep a cake.
Rating: MA
Warning: Explicit sexual encounter.

There was something calming about baking. It required precision and attention to detail, a knowledge of the chemical reactions one needed to take advantage of in order to create a quality product. Leveling off cups of flour, packing brown sugar, sifting powdered sugar over completed confections. A moment too long in the oven and it could became a dried out, barely edible rock. A moment too soon and the whole thing could fall flat, no longer airy and light.

Jane wiped her nose with her forearm as she resumed mixing her batter, her glasses slipping down slightly with each twist of her arm. She could see through the doorway of the kitchen that Roxy was chatting animatedly with Fefetasprite. She smiled and turned her attention back to her work, tapping the spoon a few times against the edge of the bowl before setting it down.

"Roxy," she called out over her shoulder, "would you mind coming over here?"

In a few moments the blonde was at her side, a smile on her face. "What's up, Janey?"

"It's almost ready to go in the oven." Jane spooned the mixture into a prepared pan, greased and lined with parchment paper, spreading it evenly. After a few taps against the counter to dislodge any air bubbles, she handed the pan to Roxy. "You know how long it goes for, right?"

"Sure, sure," she said, giving her a wink. "It'll be done in like three hours." Jane crossed her arms, lifting a brow. "Kidding, kidding, Janey. Fifteen minutes, then check it every five minutes if it isn't ready. You can trust me."

Roxy slid over to the oven, pulling open the door, and slipped in the cake. She picked up a small egg-shaped device, twisting it carefully. "And look, I'll even set a timer like you say I should."

"Thank you, Roxy. I do appreciate your help."

She giggled, tapping Jane on her nose. "No worries. That's what I'm here for!" She glanced back at the doorway. "Looks like dear, sweet Fefetasprite gave me the slip. Hope she doesn't spend another three hours at the bathtub, watching the water run."

"Are you telling me you'd rather her company than mine, Rox?" The corner of her mouth quirked, betraying her even tone.

"I would never." Roxy grinned, throwing her hands around Jane's shoulders. "You're, like, the white to my rice, the fizz in my soda. Without you, I'm a cookie without leavening, flat and unsatisfying."

Jane rolled her eyes, patting her on the hips. "Did you really just say that?"

"I say a lot of things, Janey." She ran her fingers through her hair, curling a few fingers through Jane's thick tresses. "Are you worried about your birthday?"

She sighed, looking away. "I'd rather not talk about it."

"Jane..." Roxy cupped her face, pressing their foreheads together. "Come on, you can't hide anything from me."

"I'd prefer not to talk about it, all right? Can we do something else? Please?"

Roxy glanced at the egg timer, moving her mouth from side to side as she watched it tick and rotate slowly. A smile carefully crossed her lips as she looked back at Jane. "Yeah. We can do something else." She pressed against Jane, her knee slipping between her legs, sliding up her thigh. "Think you can finish before the timer goes off?"

"A challenge, is it?" Jane returned her grin, her expression slipping away quickly as Roxy moved her knee, dragging it against her. "Yes, I can work with this," she whispered, bracing herself against the counter as Roxy moved closer, taking hold of her hips, bringing them close together. Jane slipped a hand down, only to be stopped.

"No hands, Janey," she said, wagging a finger in her face. "It's not a challenge that way." With a giggle, she took both of Jane's wrists into her hands, holding them against the counter. Roxy buried her face against Jane's neck, smearing lipstick at her jaw and earlobe, warmth building on her leg.

Jane rocked her hips, grinding against the blonde's leg, her hands clenching and unclenching in her grip. She squealed a little as Roxy nipped at her ear, sucking the small bit of flesh between her lips, touching it gently with the tip of her tongue. Desperately she tried to move away, to press her ear against her shoulder, but the friction between her quivering legs fogged her mind.

Hot breath filled her ear and cool air slipped through briefly, lapping at the moistened flesh. Jane let out a groan, the tingling sensations from her ears travelling down her body, coalescing at her midsection. It tightened with every move, squeezing and pulling as her thighs attempted to crush Roxy's leg, her arms straining for freedom.

The egg timer went off and Jane screamed, shaking violently against Roxy, her fingers splaying and her legs squeezing together almost uncomfortably. She took several shaky breaths as Roxy slowly moved away, her lipstick smeared across her face, a satisfied smile on her lips.

"Cake's ready."


Summary: Rose gives Kanaya a Christmas present, and the troll is determined to repay the kindness.
Rating: MA
Warning: Explicit sexual encounter.

Rose pulled her legs up beneath her as she made herself comfortable on the couch, straightening out her robes over her feet. "It's a bit different than what you do on Alternia, but the concept seems to be much the same." She gestured toward the colourful and carefully wrapped box on the coffee table before her, smiling at Kanaya. "This is for you."

"Is there a behemoth..." She trailed off and picked up the box, removing the wrapping paper gently, keeping it in a single piece where she could. Once the box was uncovered, she removed the lid, revealing a book--a suspiciously familiar book. "Rose, did you give me a book from one of the piles in here?"

"Perhaps." The corner of her mouth quirked as she lowered her gaze briefly. She picked at her robes for a few moments before continuing. "It's not as though I have a lot of options. But please, take a look inside. I'm sure you'll appreciate it."

Kanaya lifted the book from the box, opening the cover. Inside was a short letter and a few doodles and notes. Most were in Rose's recognisable script, though there appeared to be a few additions--primarily in the form of phalluses and poetry--from Dave in his scratchy script. She flipped through the pages, noting the margins were filled with more comments and drawings, various words and sentences scratched out from the text and replaced.

"You've given me a defaced book."


They looked at each other for several moments--Rose on the couch, Kanaya on the floor by the table, the book open before her. The troll lifted a brow at Rose before breaking into a smile, no longer able to continue the charade.

"Much appreciated. I think I will enjoy rereading this with your commentary."

Rose let out a sigh, rolling her eyes as she returned the smile. "You're terrible."

"It's the least I can do." She stood up, moving to the couch beside Rose. "After all the times you've--ah--jerked my chain in the past." Kanaya patted Rose on the knee, leaning towards her and pressing their foreheads together. Rose's breath was warm and comforting on her lips and chin. "I haven't a present for you," she said, her voice low.

"It's all right." Rose closed her eyes, taking Kanaya's hands into hers. "Receiving gifts isn't what's important. It's the thought that counts, contrived though the sentiment may be."

"I'd still like to repay you somehow. At least show my appreciation for the gift. It must have taken you some time to read through this."

Rose chuckled, shaking her head. She pressed her nose against Kanaya's and took a breath. "It was more difficult to keep Strider from filling the book with his raps. I had to pacify him with other books to deface for Terezi and Karkat."

"Oh." Her voice was flat. Kanaya pursed her lips for a second before smiling again, pressing Rose onto her back on the couch. "Let's not waste another moment speculating about the others."

"I wasn't aware there was any speculation happening," Rose said, smirking. "Is there something on your mind?"

Kanaya buried her face in Rose's neck, breathing deeply. "Yes," she replied. "You smell wonderful." She licked Rose's ear, grazing her fangs across her flesh as her hand trailed down her hip, pulling the orange fabric of her robes up, reaching for the waistband of her pants. "The rest of you must smell just as wondrous."

"Perhaps you'll find out." Rose wrapped her arms around her waist, the tips of her fingers finding their way beneath the fabric of Kanaya's shirt. "Perhaps I can share some of that--ah..." Her breath caught in her throat as she closed her eyes, lifting her hips against her hand. Her neck felt almost oppressively warm as Kanaya mumbled something against her, the vibrations from her voice tingling Rose's skin. "Is this your gift...?"

A jolt ran up her spine, a knot tightening in her midsection as Kanaya's fingers continued to work through the fabric of her moistening underwear. Rose attempted to slip her pants off, but was stopped, Kanaya's hand tight at her wrist.

"I believe this is my gift to give, Rose." She said nothing in response, looking up at her with half-lidded eyes. "Let me give it to you in my own way."

Rose nodded, closing her eyes again as Kanaya let go of her arm. She felt her hips being lifted as her pants were slipped off, cool air mixed with the heat of Kanaya's breath on her bare skin.

"These undergarments are rather fetching. The lace is a nice touch. I believe it would be a waste if they were to be... ruined... in any way." Kanaya licked, pressing her tongue against the wet fabric, as Rose took in a sharp breath in surprise. She grumbled incoherently under her breath.

A sudden rush of cold air and a lifting of pressure from the couch brought Rose out of her reverie and she sat up, wondering what Kanaya was up to. The troll had a bit of ribbon in hand and a mischevious smile on her lips.

"Hands behind you. I can't have another interruption like that again, you know."

Rose complied, allowing Kanaya to tie her hands together at her back. "Am I to be your gift, Kanaya?" She leaned against the back of the sofa, her feet flat on the ground.

"It is a fortunate side effect." Kanaya took up position at Rose's feet, nudging her legs apart. "Now, no slipping out of your binds or you'll ruin the surprise." She pressed her nose against Rose, nipping at her thighs.

The thin layer separating her flesh from Kanaya's tongue drove Rose crazy as she bucked her hips against her face, her wrists straining against the ribbon. Not a moment too soon, she felt the crotch of her underwear pushed aside and Kanaya's hot breath upon her directly, the heat almost too much to take.

Pain crept up Rose's stomach as her movements drew blood against Kanaya's fangs, barely noticable in the face of her energetic ministrations. The knot in her stomach continued to tighten, her feet drumming against the floor as her legs shook. Her throat closed, letting out little aside from the occasional whine.

Kanaya held her fast, her nails digging into Rose's hips, as she let out a moan and leant forward, legs tightening around the troll's face, driving her tongue and lips closer to her. She continued to keep control of Rose's hips as she continued to buck and groan, her toes curling.

Eventually Rose calmed, her legs releasing their grip around Kanaya. She continued to give her a few licks and kisses, sending shivers down her spine.

"That's... ah... enough. Please." She leant back against the couch, trying to control the shaking of her legs. "It's quite enough."

The troll moved away, moving up onto the couch beside her. She removed the ribbon from Rose's wrists, kissing the reddened flesh. "Did you enjoy your gift?"

"I'm not certain," she replied, trying to restrain a smile. "It was difficult to ascertain the quality of the gift."

Kanaya laughed, picking up Rose's discarded pants. She folded them up before setting them on the table beside the book, patting the clothing a few times before settling back into the couch. "Need you a repeat performance?"

Rose waved a hand, shaking her head. She leant against Kanaya, resting her head on her shoulder. "Let's just stay like this. Merry Christmas, Kanaya."

She kissed the top of her head, rubbing her shoulder. "A very merry Christmas to you."


Summary: Nepeta tries to come up with a gift idea for Equius with the help of Jade.
Rating: K

Nepeta was curled up on the bed, her tablet at her thighs, her toes beneath the blanket. She twirled the pen in her fingers and stared out the window. A knock at the door drew her attention, the pen ceasing its orbit around her fingers. Jade stood outside the room, a hand at the frame.

"May I come in, or are you busy?"

"Come in," she replied, patting the empty space next to her. "I'm trying to think of something to draw fur my meowrail."

Jade flopped down on the bed, glancing at the tablet for a moment before leaning back against the pillow. "Draw him a horse."

"I wanted to do something diffurent, something special to him."

"Horses are special to him."

Nepeta giggled, playfully slapping her shoulder. "You know what I mean. It's easy to draw him a hoofbeast, but that's superficial. There's more to my meowrail than hoofbeasts, you know. Just like Akwete Purrmusk isn't defined only by his rap mewsic and apple juice."

"All right, all right. Fair enough." She rolled onto her stomach, kicking her feet a few times before resting them flat against the bed. "What if you drew him as a hoofbeast? Have you done that?"

"I don't think Equius would like that furry much..."

"But have you done it before? It might not hurt to try. You could even make him feel better by drawing yourself as a cat."

Nepeta tapped the pen against her chin and stretched her legs, splaying her toes. "I will give it more thought." She set the pen and tablet aside, turning her attention back to Jade. "Did you need something?"

She shrugged, rolling onto her side. "It's been hours since we last cuddled and talked."

"Jade, you are furry needy." Nepeta frowned, the smile on her lips in stark contrast. "You know you can have too much of a good thing."

"But Nep," she said, throwing her arms around her, "I'm going to bubble over with things unsaid! I might explode from the lack of cuddling!"

"And I might explode from too much cuddling!" Nepeta giggled, pulling her closer regardless. "You really think I should draw Equius as a hoofbeast? He might think I'm making fun of him."

Snuggling her cheek against Nepeta's shoulder, Jade hummed happily to herself, her eyes shut. "If it's a gift from your heart, I'm sure he'll appreciate it. If he hates it, then he's a butt. End of story."

She shifted her position on the bed, disrupting Jade momentarily as she made herself comfortable. When she felt settled, she held her arms out, waiting for Jade to take up position with her again. "What are you waiting fur? I thought you wanted to cuddle."

Jade crossed her arms, turning her nose in the air. "I do want to cuddle, but it's obvious you don't. Moving me out of the way like that, I have half a mind to teach you a lesson."

"A lesson?" She tilted her head, her brows knitted together. "What are you--"

The brunette's hands shot out, finding each and every one of Nepeta's sensitive spots, tickling her relentlessly. Her giggles rang out in the room, filling Jade's ears with the joy of it all. "This is what you get for ruining cuddle-time, Nepeta! No misdeed may go unpunished!"

Giggles and laughs interspersed between her words, she tried to respond. "But I did not--mean to--ruin your cu--cuddle time! Jade, I--stop! Please! I can't take any more!" Her attempts to push her away went largely unnoticed, unhelped by the fact her attempts were less than half-hearted. She kept her hands curled at her sides, trying to block the flurry of tickles.

Eventually Jade relented, allowing Nepeta to catch her breath. With a grin, she curled up against the troll, tucking her chin close to her chest. "But really, I think it's a fine idea."

She kissed the top of Jade's head, taking in a few breaths, inhaling the scent of her hair. "I told you, I will think about it. Until then, I think I might enjoy a little catnap."

Jade cuddled up closer, her arms around Nepeta's waist. "Sleep tight, Nep."

"You too..." Her voice trailed off, the muscles tensing in her body. Before Jade could react, Nepeta launched her own attack, tickling her mercilessly. "Payback!" she cried, laughing as Jade tried to pull away, defenseless against her. "You won't get the upper paw on me," she said, rolling over Jade and pinning her arms at her sides. "We're even now."


"Of course!" With another peck at her forehead, she let go of Jade's arms, allowing her to curl up against her more comfortably. She closed her eyes, slipping into a warm sleep.


Summary: Equius meets Nepeta for the first time and makes a devastating mistake.
Rating: T

Inspired by ask bl00bl00d


Equius's mind had been busy, filled with blueprints and plans, project timelines and inventory lists. It wasn't to say he wasn't excited to see Nepeta for the first time, or that his mind didn't immediately empty itself the moment she threw her arms around his neck, getting up on the tips of her toes, pulling him down slightly to her level. It was a comforting pressure, the warmth from her arms pressing gently against his shoulders, the way her face was up against his neck, her breath tickling him.

She was happy. He was happy.

All he could think of was returning the hug, to make her feel as accepted and appreciated as he did.
Equius wrapped his arms around her waist and gave her a squeeze.

That's all he wanted, to embrace her, to give her the comfort and joy he felt in that moment.

He squeezed and realised it too late. He could feel her spine giving out in his grip, a brittle, insubstantial stick against the tension of his arms. Nepeta slumped in his arms, her eyes wide and filling with tears. He knelt, clutching her, trying to keep his touch light despite his shaking, despite the rage welling up within him. It was her pained expression that turned his anger to productivity, the desire to right his wrongs that snapped his logic back into gear.

"Stay with me, Nepeta."


A living troll body was different than his robots, to be certain. But it wasn't impossible. Equius couldn't afford to fail her, not after the kindness she had shown him. He thought of their first interactions over chat, the childlike and straightforward way Nepeta approached their relationship. She had even been the one to talk to him first, the one who extended the invitation.

No, failure was not an option.

He wiped his brow with a towel, letting out a slow breath as he pushed his glasses up. A few rebel strands of hair slipped from his ponytail, sticking to his cheek. Equius referenced his charts and plans frequently, checking and double checking the connections, making sure everything was in its proper place.

His chest pounded, little else audible above the beating. He had hardly noticed Aurthour had come into the lab, leaving a few glasses of milk at a table pushed up against the wall, nor did he notice the door closing as his lusus left, his expression carefully blank.

He finished sewing Nepeta up.


"I can't."

Nepeta sat on the ground, her hands flat against the ground, tears streaming down her cheeks. She hiccoughed a few times, her eyes squeezed shut, unable to meet Equius's gaze.

"Get up." He had hoped the desperation in his voice didn't show through, that his desire, his need to see her well wasn't written quite so obviously in his words. He wanted to tell her to stop being belligerent, to do as he commanded. He bit back the words.

"I told you," she snapped, a few tears falling to the ground beneath her. "I can't."

He clenched his fists. "You can. Stand."

Her breath hitched as she pushed herself from the ground. As Nepeta rose onto shaking legs, so too did his heart. He had done it. He had fixed her, had made up for his foolish--

She cried out and fell against Equius, her legs tangled uselessly behind her, unable to support her. Nepeta looked up at him. "I can't," she repeated, her voice soft.

He realised it. Too late, once again. She wasn't acting out. He still hadn't fixed her.

Gently, he cupped her face in his hand, leaning over her slightly as he supported her with his other arm.

"I will fix this."


At least he had another chance, even if it meant more sleepless nights, more discarded plans for her spine, holes in the wall and broken glasses of milk. Equius wracked his mind, trying to figure out a solution, to make things right. He was getting desperate in his sleep deprived state and began considering ridiculous methods. Perhaps he could use small rockets to keep her upright. Maybe he could give her a--

A tail. Nepeta had appreciation enough for meowbeasts, creatures that relied on such appendages for balance. She had even mentioned her lusus more than a few times, a delightful and graceful creature. A tail just might work. He set to it immediately, working feverishly, rejuvenated by the possibility of success.


Equius took several shallow breaths, his heart racing.


The tail curled and whipped through the air experimentally. Nepeta's lips quivered, an anticipatory smile wanting to break through. She pressed her fingers against the ground and pushed up, her tail swinging. One moment passed. Then two. Three. Then another and another and Nepeta was still standing, taking step after step with her newfound balance.

Happiness was bubbling within Equius as he caught sight of the smile on her face--an honest, heartfelt smile. Nepeta turned to him, her hands curled happily.

"Equius," she said, her expression filling him with a warmth he thought he had lost with his mistake. "It's purrfect."

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Another one. Sorry not sorry. Will have another either later tonight or tomorrow as I continue to fill Secret Santa requests.


Doing fic requests for ships I do not ship is really hard.



The Romcom


Summary: Karkat is completely tired of watching the same movie over and over with Eridan.

Rating: MA

Warning: Explicit sexual encounter


It wasn't like he meant for it to happen.

The movie was typical fare, little more than a bit of redrom fluff spiced up by quadrant vacillation with an old kismesis. Karkat knew they had seen the movie at least a dozen times over the past sweep and if he had any say in the matter, they would have been doing literally anything else--even if it was reading the book that inspired the movie. Eridan insisted, pressed and plied until he acquiesced. They snacked and gossiped as the movie played, largely ignored, curled up beside each other beneath a thick blanket.

Nothing was out of the norm, nothing different from the other times they had gotten together and watched the movie. When the film's lowblood protagonist found herself thrown against the wall by their highblooded former kismesis, Karkat felt his eyelids droop heavily, the predictable progression of the paper thin plot no longer stirring even a modicum of interest in him. He slumped, leaning against Eridan.

Sleep had nearly claimed when he felt a warm hand slide down his thigh, flattening his leg against the floor. Karkat sniffed, lifting his head in confusion as the fog of sleep drifted away. The movie's lowblood was now pinned to the ground, her mouth occupied by her assailant's bulge, a comical amount of liquid spewing everywhere.

"Gratuitous garbage," he said, rubbing his eyes. The hand tightened at his leg, reminding him why he had woken up in the first place.

Karkat narrowed his eyes, then frowned, tilting his head, his mouth slightly agape. Eridan was resting his head against the sofa, the blanket over his lap moving in a more than suggestive manner. He gave a jolt, nails digging into Karkat's thigh.

"Is this happening? How many times have we seen this movie and you're doing that?"

"A troll's got needs, Kar. What do you suggest I do?" He licked his lips slowly, eyes half-lidded. "Kick you out of my hive like some uncivilised--"

"You are literally touching your bulge with your hand on me. I think that's more uncivilised than just asking me to leave or at least going to another part of your hive. I mean for fuck's sake..."

"I don't hear you telling me to stop."

He started, fumbling over half started words, all the while Eridan continued his self-ministrations, his hand trailing further and further up Karkat's leg.

The movie was now in full swing, the highblood's legs curled about the other's waist, her movements exaggerated and absurd. It was never an arousing scene for Karkat, at least not since the first time he had seen it in private. A faint stirring at his pants pulled him from his thoughts.

"Are you--" The seadweller's hand grasped and massaged, knocking the words from his mouth. "Are you serious?"

"I don't want to be a bad host." He could see his jaw clench as Eridan leant forward, his breathing audibly laboured as he fumbled at Karkat's pants. "It'd be rude if I didn't."

In a single movement, Eridan moved atop him, the blanket somehow still atop them. Karkat lifted his hips, turning his attention back to the movie. The lowblood, bruised and bleeding, was atop the highblood, pulling at her partner's hair as she squealed, legs squeezing together. Warm breath came upon his bulge, a rush of heat surging through his midsection.

"Is this okay?"

He looked down at Eridan, saw the desire flickering in his eyes. Karkat grunted, slouching slightly. "It's fine."

"Are you sure?"

"Yes, Eridan, it's fine." He winced at his own words, smacking his palm against his forehead. "I mean it."

A major plot revelation was happening on the movie, that much Karkat remembered, but all he could see was Eridan taking his bulge, a decorated hand wrapped around its base squeezing and releasing, into his mouth. The rhythm of his movements was maddeningly slow, a tightness forming in him that wouldn't let loose.

With a groan, he leant forward, grabbing at Eridan's horns and hair. His legs shook as he tried to force Eridan closer. In response, the hand at his hip tightened, nails digging deep into flesh. And still he kept up the slow pace, perhaps even slowing down further. Every slip of the tongue, the way the rings rubbed at him, the over the top soundtrack of feigned sex from the movie--

The tension snapped and his hips lifted embarrassingly, fingertips deep at Eridan's shoulders. His toes curled and his knees quivered, and still the seadweller continued, tightening his grip.

"I can't--I can't..."

Vibrations from Eridan's muffled voice wrenched a moan from him, his vision tunneling, the only thing he could see, could focus on was the shock of purple hair between his legs. Karkat bucked and pushed Eridan away, wrestling him to the ground.

"No more," he panted. "You're a good host, all right?"

Eridan licked his lips, grinning. "I don't think I caught that. Mind telling me again?"

How he wanted to wipe that smug grin from his face. Karkat snarled, pushing up from the ground, stumbling over his half-worn pants. "I'm not here to feed your ego," he said, pulling his pants up the rest of the way. "We have to finish the movie."

"Even after all that, you still want to watch it?" Eridan took up his spot beside him once more, sliding beneath the blanket. "Not even going to do me the honour of returning the favour?"

Karkat smiled as he watched the grin slowly fade from the seadweller's face. "What host expects a guest to serve him?"

"I didn't know you were so cruel."

He chuckled, reaching across him for the bowl of snacks. "Next time we'll watch the movie at my hive." Bowl in hand, he started to settle back into place, but found himself pausing, his face close to Eridan's.

A twinge pulled at Karkat and he moved in, kissing him briefly. "We'll pick up from there."

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This is such a rare pair, I don't even.





Summary: Nepeta is out hunting when she runs into Gamzee. Who seems... lost.

Rating: M

Warning: Frequent use of coarse language.


Tail twitching and muscles tensed, Nepeta waited in the bushes and scanned the area. Hunger gnawed at her as the beginnings of pain crept in its wake. Movement caught her eye and she smiled, more than prepared to pounce. The smile fell from her face as a troll moved into view.


It was hard to miss the tangled mop of hair and the bright white of his make up, even through the dense foliage. He turned towards her voice and stumbled, catching himself against a tree trunk. Nepeta stood from her hiding spot and approached, putting away her claws.

"What are you doing out here?"

For several moments she stared at him as she waited for a response, receiving little in return until he finally shrugged, the corner of his mouth lifting into a lazy smile.

"I don't fucking know. Guess I just up and wandered out here by mistake." Gamzee looked around, an expression of mild amusement on his face. "Definitely a long motherfucking way from my hive. Good thing it's so motherfucking beautiful out here."

Nepeta chuckled, holding out a hand. "Do you need help getting back?"

"Guess I can't turn down the offer. Lead on, sister."

She led him through the woods hand in hand, conversation absent but surprisingly comfortable. Her pace was slow, marginally quicker than Gamzee's, who seemed determined to look at each individual leaf and fallen branch, every budding flower and curled petal, all of which were apparently certified miracles.

Gamzee had paused their progress yet again, tugging on Nepeta's arm to keep her from moving forward. "Hey, take a look at this motherfuckering bug."

"It's just a caterpillar." A beast with a built-in cat pun. She smiled happily to herself, bouncing a little, as she watched the bug move around on the leaf.

He chuckled and nodded, leaning in towards the creature. "Yeah, he's a hairy little motherfucker."

Nepeta leant in with him, her tail swishing eagerly. "Looks like he's been furry hungry," she said, pointing at the holes in the surrounding leaves. "He reminds me of you."

"I was all about to say the motherfucking same to you."

Her nose twitched, betraying her interest. "Do you think I eat a lot?"

"He's cute." Gamzee offered her a sidelong glance before turning back towards the caterpillar. His grip tightened on her hand briefly. "A motherfucker might not recognise the potential this little hairy brother has. One day he's going to wrap himself up all tight and emerge as a motherfucking flutterbeast. Motherfucking miracles."

"A meowricle," she repeated, smiling. Nepeta pulled on his hand, tilting her head. "We should get going."

"What's the motherfucking rush?" Gamzee pulled her back towards him, wrapping her in his arms. Her cheek pressed against his chest, her hands stiff at her sides as he squeezed her shoulders. "You think if I held you long enough, got my cocoon on about it, you'd all up and transform?"

Nepeta's tail lashed about behind her, moving from left to right, as she stood against him, her pulse suddenly loud in her ears. "I think..."

Gamzee loosened his grip on her and she looked up at him, tilting her head. His eyes, normally in what seemed to be an unfocussed haze, appeared lucid, a look she had seen but once, when she stumbled upon him on the beach.

"What are you getting your think on about, Nepeta?"

"Purrhaps we could find out if I will transfurm," she said, knowing a goofy smile was on her face, knowing it was a ridiculously cheesy thing to say, and buried her face against his chest, wrapping her arms about his waist.

The vibrations of his laugh tickled her ears. "Are you telling a motherfucker--"

She moved away and got up on her tiptoes, her hands at his shoulders. Nepeta pulled him closer, bridging the gap, and kissed his nose, careful not to smear his makeup. She let go, clasping her hands behind her as she giggled, watching his surprised reaction.

"Now I can't just all and let you get away with that." He put an arm around her shoulders, drawing her close once more.

Nepeta felt her hat move, and all at once his fingers tangled in her mane beneath the fabric. He lifted her face with his free hand and returned her kiss with one of his own at her nose. Their foreheads touched together for a moment before he kissed her on the mouth. She could feel the faint tremble of his lips, could sense the uncertainty and anticipation.

Gamzee pulled away first and removed his fingers from her hair, his normal lazy expression back on his face. "Think it's time for us to get our move on and get me to my motherfucking hive before I start losing my wicked chill."

With a laugh, Nepeta took his hand and resumed walking, her pace matching his.

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mfw @ nepeta/gamzee tbh. if only kurloz and meulin could see that ;n ;

and the karkat/eridan and roxy/jane. ide.

and sdkfjlkj that equius/nepeta one. my feels. ow. but ow in a good way, though.

all in all, that was a very enjoyable pack of oneshots. it makes me want to post some of my homestuck things too, to be honest.

Edited by Loki

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The Meowrails one was my favourite, haha. I just really liked the ask blog response and it was the first thing that came to mind when I got the prompt.


When I did the EriKar one, the whole time I was just like, "I have no idea what I am doing and I'm pretty sure this is all kinds of wrong". Ye.


I read an awesome EriFef one shot on AO3 called Salmon. I don't read a lot of M/F smut, but that was super good. I can only aspire to capture Eridan as they did, haha.


But ye, do post your stuff! I will read it voraciously. :3

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      Corben tried to roll over and go back to sleep, but was met with utmost resistance from his body. He groaned and took a mental step back, focusing his energy into opening his eyes.


      It was painful, like soap rubbed under his eyelids. His arms wouldn’t cooperate long enough to let him rub the pain out, so he squeezed his eyes shut, forcing out the pooled tears. They tumbled over his cheeks hotly and still his eyes burned.


      After a few orchestrated blinks, he managed to stabilise his vision long enough to examine his surroundings—or, at least, realise he was staring at the open predawn sky sandwiched between towering grey brick.


      The smell hadn’t left either.


      He tried to move again. It felt like he was lying on garbage bags, but he couldn’t get past how much his eyes hurt. Whether the bags were filled with pizza boxes or rotten fruit didn’t make much difference—he needed to get up. Corben grit his teeth and tried to launch his upper body forward.


      When his back seized with pain instead of lifting, he swore he could crack a tooth. He clumsily groped the bags beneath him, trying to force some feeling into his limbs long enough to figure out what he was lying on. What little he could feel through the plastic was immediately recognisable.


      Bottles. Broken bottles.


      Corben laughed.

    • By Emotional Outlet
      Tangential Notes:





      Chapter One [Part One]


      The bedroom was cosy, bordering on spartan with its limited personal touches. A glass vase with two sun-faded paper flowers attached to bits of wire. An errant comb, a few strands of hair woven into its teeth, next to a small stack of dogeared magazines long since out of date. Windows curtained and shut, the bright sunlight outside was barred entry. The walls were blank, a faded beige that might have been white at some point.


      Blank, save for the wall behind the bed. A mirror, wall to wall and floor to ceiling, reflected the room in its entirety. Its surface was clean and unbroken, not a single scratch or speck of dust to be found despite the headboard pushed directly against it, the sheets and comforter on the mattress in disarray.


      Felicia’s voice came through the closed door from the hallway, words dampened to murmurs. The door was pushed open, marked by a slight pop as it moved past the frame. She pressed her phone to her ear with her shoulder, a bowl of cereal in her hands. Shadows had formed beneath her eyes, her dark brown hair pulled back into a messy ponytail.


      She set the bowl on the nightstand and pushed the blankets aside. “No, I just got back from the lab. What’s up?” She sat down on the bed, perching her feet on the edge of the bed frame.


      “Tim.” She let out a breath. “Tim, stop. I don’t think she hates you. Your sister just turned, what, thirty? Thirty-one. She’s been in the spotlight since she was your age—that’s an entire decade in front of the camera, of her name being plastered everywhere in magazines. She’s not as young as she used to be.”


      Felicia switched the phone to her other ear and picked up the bowl. She popped a few spoonfuls of cereal into her mouth. The flakes were beginning to get soggy. “Much as I love to hear you suffer,” she said, putting the bowl down, “I don’t think that’s why you called me this early on a Sunday. Early for you, anyway. What’s going on?”


      There was a pause as she listened, a grin spreading across her face as she snickered. “Are you kidding me? Come on, isn’t Steve going? Aren’t you guys—” Another pause. The smile on her face immediately disappeared. “Oh. Oh. Shit, I’m sorry. I didn’t… I hope they work it out. Have you asked Amy to go with you? Not my sister, Le—Bev’s daughter. She’s in town for a few weeks, isn’t she?”


      Another pause. Felicia rubbed her forehead. “Figures she’d already have plans. All right, all right. I’ll go with you. It’s tomorrow night? Okay. I’ll see you at seven.” She hung up the phone and sighed, staring at the blank screen for a while.


      Her eyes flicked to her reflection in the mirror. She put a hand to the glass and, for a moment, she thought that it began to ripple beneath her fingers. Something in her stomach seized and excitement crept up on her. She closed her eyes.


      All she felt was its surface, solid as ever. She scolded herself silently for getting worked up and turned on her phone.


      The background was somewhat distorted, just a touch too wide for the phone’s resolution. It was a picture of her as a teenager, with a ridiculous head of multi-coloured streaks she absolutely insisted was vital to her personality. Leon was carrying her on his back, a goofy grin on his face.


      She frowned.


      Here she found herself, sitting on a bed that had seen more people than she would like to admit, a mostly full bowl of cereal waiting for her on the nightstand, staring at an old picture…


      And all she could think about was what she was going to wear tomorrow. A welcome distraction to be sure; it would be nice to be able to get away from the house. Felicia cast a sidelong glance at the mirror. Among other things.


      She couldn’t shake what had happened. The mirror moved—she was convinced of that much. She dropped the phone on the bed and stood up, taking the bowl.


      What more was there for her to do? Wait in front of the mirror for days like she used to? She was years away from sixteen—talking with Tim reminded her of that much. Of course, she was also years away from thirty. A small smile touched her lips.


      She left the room, closing the door behind her, pulling it roughly to get it to stay shut.

    • By Breathless
      So I had sudden inspiration to write a short story. I decided to do it in third person which is a bit out of my comfort zone. (Normally I do first person POVs) Anyway, here it is, enjoy.

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