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Kingdom Hearts - My Version

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I was looking at some old documents on my computer and came across this and laughed. I had almost forgotten about it. I had originally posted it on Shinra Insider (I think) and decided to share it with you guys. Below is the exact post from last time. I don't really think I'm actually going to continue this, contrary to what it says at the end.


Okay, I've seen this done with a few Final Fantasy games, so I want to try it with Kingdom Hearts. This fanfiction will basically be a more comical and humorous version of the game. You'll see what I mean as soon as I get started.

* WARNING: This fanfiction contains some strong language for humorous purposes...you have all been warned! I don't want anyone complaining. This is all for laughs anyway!

* DISCLAIMER: I do not own any of the mentioned characters or scenarios, blah blah blah...Square-Enix does, you know the story...

Okay, here it goes, enjoy! And any comments are welcome! :)



The screen is full of clouds as the logos of Disney Interactive and Squaresoft flash one after another. Another flash reveals the words KINGDOM HEARTS.

Sora: Hey, look at the pretty clouds!!!

Narrator: Shut up! You haven't been shown in the intro yet!!!

Sora: What?

Narrator: I said shut up!!!

Sora: Fine...

Narrator: Okay, you may begin...

Sora: Yay! Okay, I've been having these weird thoughts lately, like is any of this for real or not?

Narrator: I know exactly what you mean! Just this morning I was debating about Tifa's boobs. I mean, are they real or not?

Sora: Hey! This is my story!

Tidus: That’s my line!

Sora: Oh crap! Please don’t tell me Tidus is in this game!

Narrator: Actually, he is, but this time around he’s going to be like ten years old.

Sora: Great…

Narrator: Okay, for real, you’re not really all that better. Anyway…

Sora: You know what? I should be the narrator from now on.

Narrator: What? No!

Sora: Yeah! You'll really only be needed in a few minutes when you explain to the player how to perform the basic controls that he or she would even know if they were a drooling vegetable.

Narrator: Fine...

Sora: Yay! Anyway...

The screen changes to Sora falling through water as Simple and Clean starts playing.

Sora: Has anyone ever noticed that the beginning of this song sounds like someone's pounding on the wall and straining on the toilet? It's like BOOM BOOM, BOOM BOOM, EHHHHHHH...

Narrator: You're not supposed to be talking!

Sora: Hey, I thought you were gone!

Narrator: Screw you...

Sora falls and the screen flashes as the scene changes to the beach.

Sora: Damn the sun sucks...

Riku: Take my hand as if to come with me somewhere, even though there is a big ass wave behind me.

Sora: Sure!!!

The wave crashes over Riku and Sora, showing them under the water now.

Sora: Weeeee, back flips.

Riku: Take my hand, Sora!

Sora: I'm trying, damnit! But the waves suck.

Riku: Yeah, I guess they do...

Sora reaches the surface of the water with a beautiful sunset in the background. A female is standing on the beach, waving like a retard. Of course, she's the Mary Sue of this video game, so Sora waves back.

Kairi: OMG, Sora! I haven't seen you in like 20 seconds! I miss you! I'm even jumping around like an idiot for you!

Sora reaches the beach and bends over right in front of Kairi.

Kairi: Pervert! *slaps Sora*

Sora: Ow!

Kairi giggles and looks up. Sora looks as well.

Sora: WTF! Why am I falling yet again? And more importantly, how am I here and there at the same time?

Kairi: 'Cause the game designers were on crack when they made this intro.

Sora: Oh...

Sora falls backward into water then sky, if that makes sense, and it doesn’t. Kairi appears overhead, reaching down for Sora. And then we see ripples. So now it's water again. Okaaaaaay. But then we see Sora falling through the sky again and into a big sun thing. And then he's finally truly under water.

Sora: Weeeeeeee, ooooo...pretty birdies!

The ocean floor fades as doves fly around, revealing a stained glass image of Snow White.

Sora: Wow, that was a hot song! *downloads it*

Mysterious Voice: So much to do, so little time... Take your time. Don't be afraid. The door is still shut. Now, step forward. Can you do it?

Sora: 'Mysterious Voice' my ass! You're that same narrator guy from earlier!

Narrator: Damn right! So step forward.

Sora: You got to be shitting me.

Narrator: Nope, I even provided the controls in a box right over your head, in case the player is absolutely mentally handicapped. And after that intro movie, who wouldn't be?

Sora: Fair enough. *steps forward* Now what's this about a door?

Narrator: Don't worry about that right now.

Sora: Fine, I just hope this door motif doesn't come up again tons and tons of times.

Three stones come out of the ground, bearing a sword, a shield, and a staff.

Sora: Oooooh, I get one! Yay!

Narrator: Whatever, you just keep the weapon in this tutorial thingy anyway.

Sora: You always have to bring me down!

Narrator: Whatever.

Squall: Hey, that's my line, bitch!

Narrator: Squall, get the hell out of this scene! You don't come into this game for a while. And you won’t be using your real name anyway!

Sora: That was odd.

Sora picks the staff and gets rid of the shield. The floor shatters and Sora falls down. He lands on a stained glass image of Cinderella.

Narrator: You gained the power to fight.

Sora: Can't I cast spells? I mean, I chose the staff.

Narrator: Well, you don't get to cast anything until Traverse Town after a duck wizard teaches you a fire spell. Now press X god damnit!

Sora: Okay, gosh… *swings staff*

Narrator: All right! You've got it. Use this power to protect

yourself and others.

Suddenly, shadows appear.

Narrator: There will be times you have to fight. Keep your light burning strong.

Sora fights and kills all the shadows. They disappear.

Narrator: Behind you!

Sora defeats all the shadows and he falls through the floor after it becomes a dark void. He lands on yet another stained glass image.

Sora: OMG, a door...imagine that. I can't open the damn thing, though...

Sora opens the treasure chest and smashes the barrel, making the door ready to be opened. It opens with a bright light beyond. Sora finds himself on an island with three familiar faces (familiar to FF fans, anyway) They ask questions...blah blah blah

Narrator: Your adventure begins at dawn. As long as the sun is shining, your journey should be a pleasant one.

Sora: That sounds damn good to me!

Narrator: The day you will open the door is both far off and

very near.

Sora: WTF is that supposed to mean.

Narrator: I...dunno.

Sora: Okay. Oh, look! Another frickin stained glass floor.

Sora approaches a light, shadows appear, Sora destroys them, a save point appears, the light reveals...you guessed it...stained glass stairs up to the next area. The next area is another stained glass image thingy.

Narrator: The closer you get to light, the greater your shadow becomes.

Sora: Um, yeah…oh shit!

The shadow of Sora rises and turns into Darkside.

Narrator: But don't be afraid. And don't forget...

Sora: Yeah, yeah yeah…shut the fuck up while I beat this thingy up!

Darkside: ‘sup?

Sora hits Darkside with his staff.

Darkside: Ow, you bitch! Now I’m pissed off.

Sora: Ultima!

Darkside: You bastard!

Narrator: Sora! What the hell did I just tell you? I said you can’t use magic yet! And besides, Ultima is definitely not in this game.

Sora: OMG, do you ever shut the fuck up?

Darkside is defeated and Sora is engulfed in darkness.

Narrator: But don't be afraid. You hold the mightiest weapon of all. So don't forget: You are the one who will open the door…Fuck this, my job’s done! Bye y’all!

Sora: Finally, he’s gone!

**The End of Chapter One**

Stay tuned, as the next Chapter will be Destiny Islands! And comments and reviews are always welcome!

Edited by Emotional Outlet

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WOOOW! That was sooo good yet sooo funny haha. I loved it.

and HEEY! You posted this on Shrina Insider. I was the owner there lmfao.

I think I remember reading this. That's so cool.

I can't wait for the next Chapter. =D

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Hmm, I thought about it, and I might actually continue this after all. Or maybe something like this but with a different game. I'll actually have time for stuff like this once I graduate tomorrow, so why not?

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