Hellp Clare, just join the forum and happy to say this is the first thread I've checked out, you've done well. Clever of you at this early stage to intertwine your first two character. It'll be interesting to read the next three 'prologues' and see how you introduce the rest of your main characters. As for improving your story, I'd can only suggest that in certain places you could uses words that create a certain ambiance and or clearer meaning (e.g. last two paragraphs the word/s 'collage' and/or 'coalesced' could have possible been used), in the end all this depends on the mood and feel you wish to create . But it's always easy for someone to suggest these things, or you yourself may have though of it in hindsight. I want your writing to improve so we can all enjoy your story, keep up the good work. Waiting for the next installment. :cool: